Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: Recently I received an e-mail from an author inviting me to a reading. I was delighted. But then I noticed that my personal e-mail was included in the "cc" line along with a long listing of the others who had received the invitation. Some of these people were famous — much more famous than I. Isn't this an invasion of their (and my) privacy? — Jane Doe (Guarding my privacy!)

Dear Jane: It is considered correct to "bcc" a sizable send list, especially if everyone is not in the same social circle. E-mail addresses of well-known people should be treated like private telephone numbers. On the other hand, only a whack job would get ahold of, say, Jack Nicholson's e-mail address and write him hoping for an answer. In addition, showing all the addresses can be problematic because some people choose to "reply all," something I seldom do because, let's face it, often the responses are pointless — or only concern the person who sent the e-mail. I must confess that I (from laziness) infrequently hide the send list. If everyone on the list were famous, however, one might be able to get away with all the names showing. But in the instance you mention, it was simply careless, if not dumb, to reveal a bunch of famous names and their e-mail addresses simply because the author was flogging an event, thereby inviting press interest. The e-mail you refer to, by the way, did make its way around and, in fact, wound up in "Page Six." Some of the sender's famous friends may now be former friends. — Margo, discreetly

What To Do When Dad Is a Weak Sister

Dear Margo: My sister and I love our father. The problem is our stepmother, "Helen." From the first time we met her, she has been jealous of the love our father has for us and has never treated us as though we were welcome in her home, which turned into their home.

It cost my father our no longer spending weekends with him/them. Now we see him every week or every other week, if we're lucky. Whenever we are at their house, she makes rude comments about things we like or what we watch on TV. (These remarks are always directed at us when my father is in another room.) Considering that we're older, this shouldn't bother my sister and me, but it does. How can we handle her rude remarks when we're at her house? Is there a way to "politely" tell her off, or must we always bite our tongues? — Cinderellas

Dear Cin: I don't think there's such a thing as "politely" telling someone off. One is either polite, i.e., non-challenging ... or one decides to tell someone off. I don't, however, think you and your sister need to bite your tongues. I would recommend that the two of you either ask for "a family meeting" when you go to see them, and then bring up your discomfort with her thinly veiled hostility. If you choose the en famille route, you might say that you are grateful that this woman makes your father happy, but that his children are an important part of his life, too, and you have already curtailed your visits because you do not feel welcome. (My guess is your father knows the score.) If for some reason you decide this is not viable, take your father to lunch and tell him why you have been seeing less of him. My vote would be for the family meeting. I think that will get you better results than trying to have your father straighten her out — which he may be reluctant to do. Alas, yours is an unfortunate, though not uncommon, situation. — Margo, empathetically

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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