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What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
Good To Go
Dear Margo: My father recently got a diagnosis of stage-four liver cancer. He is adamant that he wishes to die at home. In addition to needing information about how this can be arranged, I have now started thinking about my own health and wishes. I …Read more.
To Be Drawn In or Not To Be
Dear Margo: I'm a ninth grader at a small private school. I recently found out that someone who used to go to my school and is now at another school is smoking and dealing pot. When I found this out, I wondered if anyone at my school was doing this, …Read more.
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A Personality Makeover, Courtesy of a Jerk
Dear Margo: My best college friend and I stayed really close after graduation. A year and a half ago, she broke up with her longtime boyfriend for a new guy, and that's when the trouble started. Even though I couldn't stand the new beau, I let it go because I didn't think it would last. Well, they just got engaged. I feel like she's a different person. They spend nearly every waking moment together (they live together, work together, go to school together, etc.), and she thinks he's wonderful. I think he's smug, combative and immature ... and since she's been with him, she's picked up those traits, too. They no longer seem like two individual people, but one giant two-headed, judgment-spewing hydra, and I can't even stand to visit her anymore. Anytime we make plans, I have to assume he will be part of them, and if he doesn't like something, then she doesn't either — even if she liked it in the past. As much as I think he's a giant ninny (and horribly unattractive to boot), I've been as supportive as possible since she decided he's the man for her.
She's asked me to be a bridesmaid (the wedding is next summer). If things keep going this way, I'm not sure we'll even be friends then. I've never had to break up with a friend before, but I don't know what else to do. If this kind of weirdness were happening in a romantic relationship, I would have ended it months ago. I don't want to lose my friend, but I'm afraid we're headed for a fight. Is it better to "break up" or "take some time off" now? I know this sounds terrible, but if we're going to end our friendship, I'd like to do it before I get too involved in the nuptials. Is there any way to salvage our relationship? — Vexed in Virginia
Dear Vex: You sound pretty solid to me, and if she stays with this chap, there probably is no way to salvage the friendship. I think the thing to do is to respond to her invitation to be in the wedding by saying you'd like to put that decision on hold, and then tell her how you've found her to be a changed personality. This will allow you to give her your honest opinion, and that, in itself, may be the kiss of death. I suspect you have lost your good friend to the male part of the giant two headed, judgment-spewing hydra. — Margo, regretfully
Philosophy 'R' Us
Dear Margo: Having just come out to my father, who was not thrilled (I am finishing high school), the whole ordeal gave me something to think about. Maybe you don't have an answer for something like this, but what makes people homophobic? I know this probably isn't the kind of stuff you normally deal with — psychology more than problems — but I would still appreciate any kind of answer you have to offer. — Out and Curious
Dear Out: There are really a lot of answers and no answers. Sometimes homosexuals themselves display homophobia. It offers a form of deniability and likely incorporates a degree of self-hatred. Sometimes extremely religious people (often evangelical fundamentalists) feel this is what the Lord commands, though it's hard for many of us to imagine God-given instructions to hate. And, as is the case with many prejudices, some people just need to feel superior to or better than someone else, and gay people fill the bill, along with other minorities. Often, I think, there is no reason except ignorance, maybe a rotten life that demands a target and a heart the size of a navy bean. — Margo, psychologically
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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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Comments
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15 Comments | Post Comment
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Margo's heart is a perfect example of one the size of bean. She constantly makes derogatory remarks about people who know that homosexuality is a sin. Yes, I am one of those Christians, I read my Bible, and I know what God says in it. I don't question God; I don't argue with God; I accept that He is the Creator and He has His reasons for saying that man shall not lie with man as he does with a woman. Even a person with a brain the size of a pin head (much less a bean) can understand what that means. The Creator can make commands that Margo doesn't understand and (gasp) doesn't agree with. That's why He's the Creator and not Margo. When she creates a universe and humans, she can set the rules. But his one's already taken.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Pam
Sat Aug 29, 2009 2:31 AM
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Re: Pam
That is YOUR belief, it is NOT a FACT.
Faith is belief in things that cannot be proved. So fine if you want to hang on to your prejudice and homophobia, if it's part of your faith, then have at it, but nobody, NOBODY! else is required to accept or mirror your fear and hate.
Comment: #2
Posted by: moon
Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:31 AM
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And just to add some spice to the stew - God didn't write the Bible - men did. Many men over many generations. Some were inspired, some wise, some just recording deeds and codes according to tradition. If the writer believes that every word (after all the translations!) in the Bible is God's word, why does God seem unconcerned about Lot's daughters getting him drunk, sleeping with him, and deliberately becoming pregnant by him? (Genesis 19: 30-38)
Comment: #3
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Sat Aug 29, 2009 9:47 AM
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take that bible thumper
Comment: #4
Posted by: animallover6734
Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:35 AM
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LW1: People change, friendships fade, and that's (unfortunately) life. Try to get out of the wedding party invitation gracefully.
LW2: Congrats on having the courage to come out. I've been there and I know this is really hard to do. My family eventually came to terms with it all, and (probably) so will yours, just give them time. Remember that your news is probably a huge shock for them and they might need time to adjust.
Oh, and to all the right-wing Bible beaters who come on here claiming to speak for "GOD" - get a life.
Comment: #5
Posted by: TimTam
Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:54 AM
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"Sometimes extremely religious people (often evangelical fundamentalists) feel this is what the Lord commands, though it's hard for many of us to imagine God-given instructions to hate." This sentence itself reveals a certain amount of bigotry against Christians, and I have to say, I'm getting pretty tired of it. I'm not going to dispute that there are "haters" out there who hide behind the Bible....but there are also a lot of other people who confuse the statements "Homosexual behavior is immoral" and "It's OK to hate homosexuals." The two sentences are not equal. The first appears in the Bible in at least three different places, though I am quick to point out that it's neither more nor less sinful than heterosexual adultery and fornication. Hating people for any reason is also forbidden. I'm not even going to get caught up in this nonsense about whether or not the Bible really is the Word of God; I have seen enough evidence that it is.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Matt
Sat Aug 29, 2009 9:02 PM
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Re: moon...And nobody is required to "mirror" your anti-Christian bigotry and prejudice, either. You're radiating plenty of it here.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Matt
Sat Aug 29, 2009 9:03 PM
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Re: Maggie Lawrence. Because those things occurred before the Ten Commandments and other elements of the Mosaic Laws were handed down, that's why. If you had actually read Genesis AND Exodus instead of just quoting one little piece of the first book, you'd know this.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Matt
Sat Aug 29, 2009 9:05 PM
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I don't consider myself a Christian, but I have read the Bible from cover to cover. Christianity is based on the words of Jesus in the New Testament, and he never spoke about homosexuality. He said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself," "Judge not, lest ye be judged," and "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Case closed.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Paul
Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:09 PM
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Certainly God wrote the Bible. There are a few instances where Paul says he himself is making a statement--not God. Clearly everything else he wrote came directly from God or he would not make that distinction. If God didn't write it, it's just a good book. Gone With the Wind is a good book, but no one is going to build their lives around it as millions have done, and continue to do. And yes, homosexuality IS mentioned in the New Testament. Anyone who would say it is not, obviously has not read the Bible and is speaking of things s/he knows nothing about. Read Romans 1. I will agree that homosexuality is no worse than heterosexual promiscuity. But Margo's column was not about heterosexual promiscuity. If and when she writes a column describing persons who oppose that as having little or no brains, I will write my comments about that issue, too.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Pam
Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:41 AM
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Let me respond to a couple of other comments too: of course this is my opinion. What other opinion can I give besides my own? But it is based upon God's Word. Have you ever noticed that anytime someone wants to challenge a Christian's opinion, they haul out the "Judge not . . . " verse. Even if they don't know another Scripture, they know that one. Well, that Scripture is speaking of the secret inner part of a person that only God sees and knows. We are not to attempt to make judgment as to whether or not a person is a Christian. But when we speak out against a person's outward behavior, we are not passing judgment: the Word has already done that. The Word says homosexuality is a sin--not I. Furthermore, it is asinine to conclude God's admonition against judging one another means we cannot condemn any action of another person. Pedophilia? Child abuse? Murder? Another argument they nearly always make is that Christians hate homosexuals, and that is simply not true. I am certain my path crosses that of homosexuals every day and there is never a speck of trouble. I don't tell them what goes on behind my closed doors, and they don't tell me theirs. Only when it compromises my rights and beliefs is it an issue. For instance, I will not knowingly rent to a homosexual couple just as I would not to a cohabiting heterosexual couple. If it is two men or two women, I will assume they are just roommates and there will be no problem. But if they say something like, "We hope to marry some day . . . ", I can't allow them to move into my rental.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Pam
Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:45 AM
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Matt: I HAVE read all of Genesis and Exodus - and plenty more besides. Pam does not distinguish between the chapters before or after the Mosaic law, she seems to believe they are all equally God's word. That was my point. Is getting your father drunk and having sex with him abhorrent to God? I think so, but if God wrote it, He didn't seem to find it necessary to comment.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Sun Aug 30, 2009 7:11 AM
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Pam: If you refuse to rent to the people you mentioned, you could be charged with discrimination and end up being sued. Is that what you want?
You have proven yourself to be an example of a typical Christian hypocrite. By the way, no one said that there were no verses about homosexuality in the New Testament. All that was said was that Christianity is based on the words of Jesus in the New Testament. The rest was written by ordinary humans, not by Jesus or his wife, Mary Magdalene.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Paul
Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:18 AM
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Pam: If you refuse to rent to the people you mentioned, you could be charged with discrimination and end up being sued. Is that what you want?
You have proven yourself to be an example of a typical Christian hypocrite. By the way, no one said that there were no verses about homosexuality in the New Testament. All that was said was that Christianity is based on the words of Jesus in the New Testament. The rest was written by ordinary humans, not by Jesus or his wife, Mary Magdalene.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Paul
Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:18 AM
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Re: Pam
Aw, someone else who has "read the Bible" and "knows" what it says. Except, you know, that most of the Bible has been lost to translation and historical context.
Comment: #15
Posted by: AgLee16
Mon Jul 4, 2011 12:25 PM
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