Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I have a good friend whose 3-year-old is a complete terror. The child has no boundaries and has never been disciplined in her life. When my friend and her family visit my home, this little girl is constantly jumping on my furniture, throwing DVDs and torturing my animals. The other day I caught her choking my dog to the point where he almost passed out. My friend ignores this behavior and acts like it's no big deal. When I take objects away or put my animals outside, the child either throws a tantrum or deliberately waits until I turn my back to resume the bad behavior. It is getting to the point where I can't hang out with this friend anymore. The last few times we've gone out in public with this family, their daughter has hit other children, thrown a tantrum or attempted to take off her clothes and run around naked. Her parents do absolutely nothing. The worst part is that my friend is completely clueless. She told me recently that she wants to sign her daughter up for flute lessons and possibly enroll her in acting classes.

Many of our other friends have stopped seeing this family because of this kid. How can I discuss this problem with my friend without offending her? I have a 1-year-old with whom I am very strict. I fear that if I approach her, the response will be that I just don't understand because I don't have a 3-year-old, or that I punish my child too harshly. Honestly, I don't want to tell my friend how to raise her child; I just want this kid to learn to respect other people and their things. — About To Lose a Good Friend

Dear Ab: People are tetchy about criticism of their children, so don't expect your friend to welcome what you have to say. I would encourage you, though, to tell her that the acting out of this child is a sign of psychological disturbance and you highly recommend seeing a child specialist.

This kid is crying out for attention and limits. You might point out the number of friends who have peeled off and ask her to think objectively about a youngster who has no discipline and exhibits a lot of bizarre behavior. None of this may sink in until the flute teacher, for example, removes her from the class, or other kids' parents refuse to let her come play. — Margo, necessarily

Where Is Your Boyfriend? He's in the Joint

Dear Margo: I am a 20-something going for my master's degree. I have been fortunate enough to have met a man who is caring and wonderful. He knows me as well as anyone does, but here's the problem: He is incarcerated, and the friends and family I have told are horrified. I have not told my mother yet because I know she will be upset. No one seems to be supportive of this relationship, and I don't know how to tell people that I know this is my destiny. How can I tell them that I am confident in my choice and that I am happy? — Struggling

Dear Strug: Well, I suppose you could say you are confident in your choice and that you are happy.

I hope you understand that your friends and family have your best interests at heart, and a guy in jail may not sound to them like a real catch. What you don't say is what this man is in prison for and how long he will be there. I hope you are aware of the rather well-known fact that prisoners famously con people "on the outside" to wait for them, send money, etc. I think whether or not you knew this chap before he did what he did and went to the clink is crucial. It sounds to me as though your mind is made up, but you would do well to give it a think, as the Brits say. — Margo, pensively

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.