Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I am not proud of this, but I've been in a relationship with a married man (I am single, never married) for three years. We work for the same large company, and I do not report to him. This is probably not politically correct, but this arrangement has worked very well for me because it provides just the level of romantic friendship that I want. (I do not need a man around all the time.) Well, cue the violins, a married couple, friends of mine, saw him with a woman — not his wife — holding hands and kissing in a restaurant. The wife of the couple knows about my situation, and she called to tell me. I am not really in a position to raise hell ("Live by the sword, die by the sword."), but I'm considering cutting him loose. Have you ever heard of a man with a wife and a girlfriend and another girlfriend? — Disillusioned

Dear Dis: As a matter of fact, I have. The deal with the guys who are players is that they love the chase and, therefore, always need, let us say, replacements. What ultimately happens is that the girlfriend becomes, in effect, the wife. In this situation, familiarity doesn't breed contempt; it fosters a thirst for the new. Unless you're the kind of girl who's into sharing (and, of course, the usual story is that they're not sleeping with their wives), you might want to look elsewhere for a more constant lover. I must say you've reminded me of a great blues song, the title of which has always amused me: "Lady, Your Husband Is Cheating On Us." — Margo, faithlessly

And Don't Take "No" for an Answer

Dear Margo: I know my husband of nearly 15 years loves me; however, in the past couple of years, he has been publicly insulting me, and when I complain about it, he tells me I'm "too sensitive." We were at a party last weekend where we knew no one but the hosts.

"Steve" started talking to the group about a book he liked, and then he said, "I don't know what happened to that book. I haven't seen it in a while. My wife probably threw it out." Margo, I have never thrown away anything of his without first asking. As several pairs of eyes swiveled to look at me, I could only stammer, "Of course I didn't throw it out! I don't throw out your books!" Last month at the airport, a ticket agent asked Steve whether a set of golf clubs belonged to him. "No," he said. "My wife won't let me play golf." I have never forbidden my husband to do anything he wanted, nor would I. But again, I was on the defensive and embarrassed.

This might not be so painful if it weren't that my brother's wife, "Sara," is the sort of person who forbids him to do things and completely dominates him. I have never liked Sara, and the last thing I would do is emulate her. When Steve portrays me to other people as an insensitive, domineering shrew, it upsets me greatly. I have started canceling plans to go places with him because of this issue. I know Steve is nervous around people he doesn't know, but what can I say to get through to him? His failure to edit whatever pops into his head is driving a wedge between us. — Stressed in Sunnyvale

Dear Stress: I would be interested in where this is coming from — and why. He was probably always nervous around strangers, but dissing you in front of them seems to be a relatively new wrinkle. This situation sounds tailor made for a neutral (trained) third party with whom to hash this out. I suspect his social discomfort is increasing, for whatever reason, and you are an easy target. You need to settle this before the foundations of your marriage buckle. — Margo, immediately

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM