Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: My husband and I (he's 50, I'm 41) have been together for five years. Everything looked like roses and sunshine till lately. The man is acting like he's single. For example, I was sick with a nasty case of stomach flu and could hardly lift my head. He had a choice of taking care of me or going to a party. You guessed it: He went partying, and it took four grown men to carry his tequila-smelling self into the house. Guess who got to take care of all of this? It didn't stop there. He went to another party and was dared to go skinny-dipping with some of the people there. And let's not forget the kids that were there to see my husband go streaking across the yard.

Hubby and I do go skinny-dipping when we're on our property in the country. I always thought it was our "bare 'em and scare 'em" time together, but he took that away from me by doing something with others that I thought was just for us. I asked him why, and he said it was a dare. (The man is 50, not 7.) He didn't understand why I was so upset. How do I get the point across, without sounding like a shrew, that I don't want everyone and their kids seeing him naked as a jaybird? I am hurt by this and don't know what or how to say anything because I'm so angry I want to smack him with a rolling pin. — Madder than a Wet Hen in Texas.

Dear Mad: Hold off on the rolling pin, hon. What you need to do is knock some sense into him, not out. I would sit him down and explain how his actions have hurt you. Invite him to decide if he wants to live like a grownup or a college boy. He does sound thoughtless and immature as opposed to malicious and uncaring.

Give it a try and see if things change. If not, get back to me. — Margo, tutorially

There's Talking, and then There's Talking

Dear Margo: I'm 23 years old, and my parents are getting divorced. It's obviously hard, but it's not earth shattering, because I'm older and have been out of the house living on my own for four years, etc. My dad isn't one to talk about his feelings or have heart-to-hearts, so he pretty much refuses to talk about this whole situation. I think that actually makes it the hardest, because my mother will openly talk to me, and I can talk to her about the divorce. With Dad it's like the elephant in the room whenever we talk. How can I get him to talk to me like an adult? I want him to know I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm sure he knows I love him and always will, but I can't figure out how to tell him and get everything out on the table. I'm worried that with the continual lack of communication about this, eventually we won't talk at all. — Concerned and Confused.

Dear Con: I think you are magnifying a personality trait of your father's into a doomsday scenario of imminent radio silence. Some people just don't talk about difficult things, especially with a child — even an adult child. It is interesting that you, yourself, say you can't figure out how to tell him you love him. Maybe discomfort with articulation is a familial thing? I suggest you tell him, as a statement, that you are not taking sides and you will always love him. This may open him up, and it may not. I doubt that continued communication is at risk. Just ... well, keep talking. — Margo, attitudinally

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD

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