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"CLASSIC" ANN LANDERS Dear Readers: Several readers have written to say it was easier to get off cocaine than to give up cigarettes. I recently came across these tips written by Linda Greenhow, coordinator of the nicotine addiction program at the St. Helena Health Center …Read more. "CLASSIC" ANN LANDERS Dear Ann Landers: Why don't YOU MYOB? A while back, you wrote a column on "Reconciliation Day" in which you urged your readers to "forgive and forget — let bygones be bygones." At 10:30 on the night that column appeared, we received a …Read more. "CLASSIC" ANN LANDERS Dear Ann Landers: Please tell your readers not to dump their mothers, fathers or other loved ones into just any old nursing home and assume they will be well cared for. Urge them to select a home that has been looked into carefully, one where they …Read more. "CLASSIC" ANN LANDERS Dear Ann Landers: I certainly can understand why some of the women who write to you need an unbiased party to help them avoid the land mines that show up in relationships AFTER they have become deeply involved. I was one of those women myself. My …Read more.
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Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: I am getting married next year to a wonderful guy. His mother passed away when he was very young. My future father-in-law never remarried, but he has had a "significant other" for about 18 years — it just happens to be another man.

My fiance is very close to his father's partner. He says it is like having two wonderful fathers. Would it be proper to put his partner's name on the wedding invitation? My fiance says that his father would marry his partner if it were legally possible and that his name should be on the invitation. I don't want to embarrass anyone by making a public announcement of their living arrangement, but neither do I want to offend my fiance by not including this man. How can I diplomatically resolve this? — Fiasco in L.A.

Dear L.A.: Significant others, whether gay or straight, should not have their names on wedding invitations. Your father-in-law's partner will be very much in evidence at the festivities, so he should not feel that anyone is hiding him. To put his name on the wedding invitation as if he were a spouse would, in my opinion, be improper and invite a lot of criticism. Don't do it.

Dear Ann Landers: I am a 20-year-old college student living with three other roommates the same age. One of our roommates, "Gloria," is causing a lot of problems for the rest of us.

She is dating a married man. This isn't the first time she has been involved in an inappropriate relationship, but I didn't know about her entanglements until after we moved in together.

The man Gloria is dating now is a lot older and has kids in their late 20s. He doesn't hide his cheating. In fact, he wants us to invite him over to "hang out." Gloria bragged about their sexual relationship, and his wife found out about it. She has been calling our house to see if her husband is here. Now, Gloria demands that we not answer the phone or, if we do, that we lie to the man's wife.

We have lost all respect for Gloria and would like to kick her out, but none of us has the guts. I feel horrible for this man's family and do not want to be caught in a confrontation with his wife. Please give us some suggestions on how to handle this situation. — Beside Ourselves in Oregon

Dear Oregon: Give Gloria notice: Either she stops seeing that married man, or she will have to move out at the end of the month. Be firm about it. Let her know that if she doesn't break off the relationship, you are packing her bags and she'll find them on the front porch — and keep your word.

What's the truth about pot, cocaine, LSD, PCP, crack, speed and downers? "The Lowdown on Dope" has information on drugs. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $5 (this includes postage and handling) to: Lowdown, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at




7 Comments | Post Comment
Lw1 the people whose names are on the invitation are the people who are hosting the wedding aka paying for the wedding. If the partner is paying for the wedding, then his name goes on the invite. Otherwise, not.

Lw2: go read your lease. You probably can not throw Gloria out because you don't like her boyfriend. Tell Gloria you are going to answer your phone and you are not going to lie for her. Don't volunteer info to the wife. Try to stay out of the situation and mind your own business.
Comment: #1
Posted by: kai archie
Sat Sep 8, 2012 9:29 PM
I hope you realize that these letters were originally written in 1999. I don't think they need the advice any longer.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Marilyn
Sun Sep 9, 2012 4:34 AM
I think some of this advice (especially to LW1) is out of date. As much as I enjoy reading this column, I worry that it is no longer the best advice to publish. Think about it, Creators.
Comment: #3
Posted by: swargaski
Sun Sep 9, 2012 5:58 AM
lw1. These are reprints from sometime ago. Maybe Ann was being a little too old fashioned. But the real fact being overlooked is that the writer said that they have been married if legally possible. And if they are both contributing (i.e., paying for the rehearsal dinner or anything else), that adds to the factors (although if the bride's family is paying for all, this is not a relevant issues). If this was a letter from 2012, then the answer should be yes.

Miss Manners was recently faced with an issue of one member of a gay couple not being included on a save the date. Although not the same, her very inclusive caring answer would lead me to think she would also say that both should be included. Maybe we should ask her.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Louis Robin
Sun Sep 9, 2012 1:49 PM
One of the interesting things about these reprints is the window on the past--some things change but human nature is still pretty much the same. We may agree or disagree with changing social customs, it is still worth thinking about them.
Comment: #5
Posted by: partsmom
Sun Sep 9, 2012 3:36 PM
Ann missed the by obvious answer, I my mind- if you a happy to include them on the invites , but don''t know if it would be welcomed, or instead be an I welcomed outing, ask them.
And, as a bi woman, I'm totally offended that a same sex partner would receive less respect than a opposite one. A parent is a parent.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Chi
Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:48 PM
I don't agree with the advice to the woman whose father-in-law has a male partner. I say include the partner on the wedding invitations because he's a part of the father-in-law's life and refusing to acknowledge this is the real improper thing. Nowadays it's common for same-sex couples to enter into a civil union not unlike a marriage.
As for the college student's roommate Gloria who's seeing a married man, I don't blame her for being fed up with Gloria's drama. I don't think that kicking her out is gonna stop her from seeing the married man. The college student is doing the right thing by refusing to lie to the man's wife and she can't just not answer the phone--what if it's one of their moms calling and not the man's wife? The wife should just kick her cheating husband out the door, though that's another story.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Rachel Davis
Sat Oct 6, 2012 11:06 AM
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