Classic Ann Landers

Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: My fiance, "Wayne," is 22 and lives at home with his parents. He works full time and attends college at night.

Wayne's mother constantly reminds him that her house is "not a hotel" and that he spends way too much time with me. When Wayne and I are out for the evening, he is expected to call her and check in. Sunday is "Family Day," and his mother demands that he stay home with her or that she be included in whatever we may have planned.

I know Wayne cannot change his mother, but it bothers me that he seems intimidated by her. He believes that asserting himself or disagreeing with her is disrespectful. Although he complains about his mother and her domineering ways, if I suggest that perhaps his mother has too much control over his life, he becomes annoyed with me.

Wayne and I plan to be married in the next two years. I want to know if this is a normal mother-son relationship, or if I should expect problems in the future. I need your thinking on this. — Future Daughter-in-Law

Dear D.I.L.: If you marry Wayne, be prepared to be part of a gleesome threesome for a lifetime. All the signs are there. Any 22-year-old man who has to call his mother during the evening when he is out with a girlfriend has "Mama's Boy" stamped on his forehead. If you have a hat, Dearie, grab it and run.

Dear Ann Landers: I am an 80-year-old widow in love with an 80-year-old widower.

I'm sure some of your younger readers will find this incredible, but it's true. Eighty-year-olds can be in love. "Herman" and I have been dating for six years, and we enjoy our time together immensely. We both had long-term first marriages and know what happiness is. Herman is a pleasant and interesting companion, and we rarely have disagreements. We have gone on several trips together, and are compatible in every way. Our children are happy for us and have been very supportive.

However, we have one obstacle, Ann, his sister, "Selma." She is so jealous of me that Herman cannot even mention my name in her presence. We have to sneak around so she doesn't know we are together. I have never said a negative word about Selma. I would like to ask this woman what her problem is and get things out in the open. Would it be wise for me to do that? — Needing Guidance in Michigan

Dear Michigan: No. You already know what her problem is: She is resentful of your brother's life and wishes you would get lost. She would love to have Herman all to herself.

Steer clear of Selma whenever possible, and make no negative comments about her to Herman. Be as sweet as pie to the woman, and keep planning those wonderful trips with Herman. Keep your focus on him, and forget about her.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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