Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Living with an alcoholic is lonely. My husband and I have been married for 30 years. Our children are grown. You'd think it would be great to do as we please, but what pleases one does not necessarily please the other.

At the end of the day, when he comes home from work, we talk for about five minutes. It's "How was your day? Did anything exciting happen?" He is cheerful and pleasant, and then he goes down to the basement for an hour or so to polish his shoes, putter around, take a shower, listen to the radio — and drink. He emerges a changed man — cranky, argumentative, critical and eager to start a fight. Nothing I do is right.

He never wants me to invite anyone over, and going anywhere is out of the question. Most of my family and friends think my husband is simply a workaholic. They don't know about the drinking. Our love life? There is none. Because of the cigarettes, blood pressure medication and drinking, sex is impossible. His attempts lead to frustration and then anger. Talk to him? I've tried. He says, "I'll do better," and then gives me the silent treatment for days.

Can I continue like this? Is there anything I can say or do to change things? You've helped others over the years, Ann. Can you help me? — St. Louis Blues

Dear S.L. Blues: You already know that your husband is an alcoholic. Alcoholics Anonymous could save his life and change yours.

If he refuses to go, Al-Anon could be an enormous help to you. It's in the phone book, and it's free. Get going, and let me hear from you. Good luck, dear.

Dear Ann Landers: I am 25 years old and have had an obsession with vacuuming for many years. I usually vacuum three times a day, seven days a week.

Whenever I feel stressed or nervous, I start my vacuum. I also feel anxious when I have company and the floors don't have those neat vacuum tracks. I can't stand to have any dirt or mess on the floor. The strange thing is that I am not as meticulous in other areas. It doesn't bother me if my closets or drawers are a mess.

Do you know what could be causing this strange behavior? It is driving my family and me nuts. — Vacuum-Crazed in South Carolina

Dear V.C. in S.C.: You are exhibiting classic symptoms of obsessive-compulsive behavior. It has little to do with your desire to be neat or meticulous. Please seek professional help, and get to the core of what is really bothering you. It is probably some unresolved problem you haven't been willing to face.

Is alcohol ruining your life or the life of a loved one? "Alcoholism: How To Recognize It, How To Deal With It, How To Conquer It" can turn things around. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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