Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Two weeks ago, I gave birth to my first child. My husband and I knew the delivery would be by cesarean section, so we decided not to tell anyone when I went to the hospital. We wanted to make the announcement after the baby was born.

My sister, "Sharon," found out we were at the hospital and showed up immediately after the birth with her camera. She took a whole roll of film, and I could not stop her. I told Sharon I was unprepared to have my picture taken and asked her to put the camera down, but she wouldn't listen. My husband was no help. I begged her to let me fix my hair and put on some makeup, but she went on taking pictures of me wearing my hospital gown. I was in a groggy, medicated state and felt helpless.

The next day, my grandmother died. Sharon and my mother took those awful pictures to the funeral and showed them to all the relatives. I am really angry about this. When I told Sharon how disrespectful she had been, she became annoyed and said I was just plain silly. My mother says I am wrong to complain, because all the relatives thought the pictures were "adorable." What do you say? — Irritated in Oregon

Dear Oregon: Sharon had no business taking pictures of you without your permission. Showing them to the relatives was not only "unsisterly" but also downright hostile. She owes you an apology — big-time — and so does your husband, for his lack of support.

Dear Ann Landers: I am a college student with a problem. A guy I know is spending the semester abroad. Before he left, he told me he had romantic feelings for me. I let him know I wanted to be a friend and nothing more. He asked whether he could write to me, and I said that would be fine.

At first, his letters were friendly and interesting, but lately, they are sounding like love letters. He tells me he misses me and fantasizes about us getting married and having children. Even though I have told him I am not interested in marrying him, he continues with his fantasies.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, Ann, but I am afraid that when he comes back to the United States, he will expect me to be in love with him. Things have gotten completely out of hand. I don't need any more stress in my life. How can I resolve this problem? I need your help right away. — Panicking in N.Y.

Dear Panicking: The lad sounds bonkers. Here's my advice: Tell him that unless he is willing to have a platonic friendship, you cannot see him anymore. Be straightforward and emphatic. If he persists with his fantasies, end the relationship.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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