Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: My mother died four years ago. I was a teenager, and believe me; it was a difficult time. The whole family, especially my mother's side, was devastated, but we all pulled together and supported one another. Two years ago, my father married a lovely woman. It was hard for me to accept her at first, but over time, I have learned what a great person she is and am pleased that she is making my father happy.

The problem is my mother's family. They have blocked Dad and my stepmother out of their lives completely. Dad no longer is invited to family birthdays or holiday get-togethers. I love my entire family very much, and this is killing me. I resent the way I am forced to choose between my grandparents and my father. I have told them how I feel, but nothing has changed.

Please print this letter so my mother's family can see how much they are hurting me. I don't think it is asking too much for them to include my father and his wife in our family celebrations. Thank you, Ann. — Torn in Texas

Dear Texas: You sound like a generous, warmhearted, sensible young person, and I admire your integrity. It's too bad your mother's family cannot rejoice in the fact that your father has found happiness again and embrace the woman he has married. Let's hope time does some healing. Meanwhile, stay close to your father and his new wife. I hope your beautiful spirit of generosity ultimately will be a bridge between the family members.

Dear Ann Landers: For the past five years, I have been the primary caregiver for my mother.

I am not a young woman anymore, but I am still the "baby" of the family. I have three elder sisters. All of us have grown children and grandchildren. I have heard every excuse in the book about why my sisters and their kids cannot come to visit Mom, much less help in her care. One sister said, "I don't want to be tied down." A grandchild said, "She's allergic to the dog, and we can't have her here." Another sister told me, "You're doing such a good job — better than any of us could."

All my sisters are retired and financially comfortable. My husband and I scrape by from paycheck to paycheck. I would take care of Mom if I had to beg on the street, but it is more than I can bear to see how hurt she is by the way the others ignore her. Do you have any advice for me? — Bowling Green, Ky.

Dear Kentucky: Advice? No. Just a great deal of admiration for the way you are living your life. You won't regret it. As for your sisters, they should be ashamed of themselves. If they aren't readers of my column, some anonymous "friend" should send this to them.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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