Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Last weekend, my husband and I went to a hotel to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We left our 6-year-old daughter, "Betsy," and our 8-year-old daughter in the care of my older sister, "Darlene."

When we returned Sunday evening, I discovered that Darlene had cut at least 6 inches off Betsy's beautiful waist-length hair. She also hacked at Betsy's bangs and made a mess of them. I was in tears when I saw the child. I feel that Darlene violated my daughter, and now I must take Betsy to a professional stylist to have the damage fixed. This is not the first time Darlene has overstepped her boundaries when it comes to my children.

I do not want to speak to Darlene ever again. My husband says we should refuse to let her see the children. I have told my sister that she is not to phone the girls or send them any more gifts. I am so angry I can't see straight. My mother thinks I am overreacting. Am I? Please respond in print so all of us can see your answer. — San Jose, Calif.

Dear San Jose: Your mother is right. While Darlene was clearly in the wrong to cut the child's hair, this demonstration of poor judgment does not justify breaking up the family. Hair does grow back. No permanent damage was done. Apologize to your sister for overreacting, and tell her I think she should pay for Betsy's professional haircut as a peace offering. Needless to say, you should not use Darlene as a baby sitter again, because you obviously cannot trust her judgment.

Dear Ann Landers: Two years ago, after 21 years of marriage, my husband told me he didn't love me anymore and wasn't sure he ever had.

I was shocked and heartbroken. "Ernie" refused to go for counseling, so I went on my own. I wanted to give our marriage every chance, not only for me but also for our two sons.

It's been a year since Ernie moved out. Every evening, he calls to say goodnight. Whenever we see each other, he kisses me hello and goodbye. He still hasn't told his friends he doesn't live here. When they telephone, I say, "Ernie isn't home right now," because I just can't bring myself to tell them otherwise.

Ernie doesn't want to fix our marriage or spend time alone with me, yet he refuses to discuss divorce or reconciliation. If he doesn't want me anymore, why won't he let me go so I can make a life with someone else? I still love Ernie. I hate to give up on him, but I cannot stand living in limbo. I am 44 and don't want to spend my life alone. What can I do? — Still Married in New York

Dear N.Y.: You can give Ernie an ultimatum. He has 30 days to decide whether he wants to go for joint counseling and move back in the house or you to call a divorce lawyer. Put the ball squarely in his court.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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