Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I have written this letter to you in my head at least a thousand times, and now I have decided to put it on paper and mail it. I want you to know that you saved my life. My father had been sexually abusing me for a long time. It started when I was in grade school. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I was afraid to tell anyone. Then one day, I read a letter in your column from a young girl with the same problem. You advised her to tell an adult immediately and let the abuser know she was going to tell.

I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone, but I did clip out that column. I wrote on it, "If you don't leave me alone, I will tell." I then handed the column to my father. From that day on, the abuse stopped. He never touched me inappropriately again.

Perhaps other abused children will be helped by my letter and find the courage to tell a parent, a teacher or a trusted adult what is going on. I hope so. As for me, I always will be in your debt. — Free on the West Coast

Dear Free: Your letter will do more good than you will ever know. I am instructing every boy and girl who is being touched by an adult in a way he or she feels is not right to go immediately to a family member or a favorite teacher and tell him or her of your discomfort. Fear of speaking out enables perpetrators to continue molesting, and the longer it continues the more difficult it is for the victim to heal. The advice from here is to TELL, TELL, TELL — and the sooner the better.

Dear Ann Landers: I am the youngest of three sisters.

Three years ago, I lent one of my sisters a sizable amount of money to buy a house. She promised to pay me back in eight weeks. Since then, she has divorced her husband and lost the home and has made no effort whatsoever to repay me.

My mother recently passed away and left each of us an inheritance. I thought my sister surely would repay the debt at that time, but she has given me excuses left and right. Meanwhile, she brags about expensive vacations with her boyfriend.

I am uncomfortable going back to my hometown to visit because I don't want to see her, but my in-laws live there, and I can't avoid them forever. Any suggestions? — Memphis Martha

Dear Memphis: Accept the fact that your sister is a deadbeat, and let it go at that. It's not worth ulcers or migraines. And for heaven's sake, don't let her deprive you of a pleasant visit to your hometown. Go, and when you see her, don't say a word about the money she owes you. It will be on her mind, and your silence on the subject will drive her crazy. In fact, it may drive her SO crazy she will decide to pay up.

Do you have questions about sex but no one to talk to? Ann Landers' booklet "Sex and the Teenager" is frank and to the point. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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