Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I have a 35-year-old son, "Owen," who has been in financial trouble for the past 15 years. During this time, he has been living with his grandmother. She paid off two cars for him and co-signed for another one. Mom now is demanding that I force Owen to repay her the money she has lent him.

I have talked to my mother until I'm blue in the face and begged her to stop lending money to Owen, but she pays no attention. My husband and my brother also have told Mom to knock it off. She ignores them, too. I tried to explain that Owen never will take responsibility for himself as long as he knows someone will rescue him. Mom won't let the bank repossess his car because "he needs it for work."

I'm at my wits' end. I live 1,000 miles away from Mom, but the phone calls from her are becoming more frequent and more unpleasant. I know I can't change my mother, but how can I put an end to these annoying conversations, which are mainly about Owen and the money he owes her? — Frustrated in New Orleans

Dear New Orleans: It might help if you wrote down a little speech and kept it handy by the phone to read whenever your mother calls. Here's the speech: "Mom, please stop kvetching about the money Owen owes you. I am not going to get involved; it's between you and Owen. He has become accustomed to your rushing to the rescue, and as long as you continue to rescue him, he is going to lean on you to do it.

Dear Ann Landers: Can you please tell me whether my husband is cheating on me? The reason I am suspicious is that lately, "Clyde" has been going to the store and doing other errands but refusing to take any of our four children along. He is also gone longer than I believe is necessary. He also has started to complain about how much gray hair he is getting, and last week, he made some uncomplimentary comments about my housekeeping.

Clyde is almost 40, and I think he may be going through that well-known midlife crisis. I have been trying to take better care of the house and cook his favorite dishes. We have sex as often as he likes. I will say, he never forgets my birthday or our anniversary. Am I just insecure, or is it time to start worrying? — Concerned Wife in Nashville

Dear Nashville: I'd say it's time you stopped worrying. How much trouble can Clyde get into on his way to the grocery? He probably enjoys that short break away from the kids. Wouldn't you? Keep preparing his favorite dishes, and continue to keep him well-fed, literally and figuratively, and enough with the paranoia already.

Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write to receive Ann Landers' booklet "How To Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely." Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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