Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Every time I see a letter in your column from someone questioning the remarriage of a widow or widower, I want to write. This time, an actual letter goes in the mail. My wonderful husband passed away 10 years ago. He lost his battle with brain cancer at the age of 47. I was a widow at 42. This is not the way I planned my life. I have a full-time job and a part-time position, which makes it possible for me to support myself comfortably and have some extras. I now know I can get along on my own, which has given me confidence and self-esteem. My life is filled with family, church and civic activities, but I must confess, Ann, this does not fill the void I feel. I long for someone to love and with whom I can talk, cuddle, laugh and play.

I miss the companionship and intimacy of marriage and would like to have that again. This is not an insult to my late husband. It is a tribute to him and our marriage. Losing the person with whom you planned to spend the rest of your life is a major blow. Now I am faced with the task of picking up the pieces and restructuring my world. My parents have been blessed with 55 years together. When my father's brother died, the family could not understand why his widow said she would like to remarry. I understood and tried to explain it to them, but I'm not at all sure that they got it.

I have dated some fine gentlemen, and if I am ever fortunate enough to find another man to marry, it won't be because I have stopped loving my late husband.

It will be because I know how beautiful a marriage can be. Please explain this to your readers. I'm afraid some of my late husband's family members don't understand this. Please sign me — Not Giving Up on Happiness in Pittsburgh

Dear Pittsburgh: Your positive, upbeat attitude is sure to serve you well in your quest for a new life. I wish you all the best, dear. Please let me know when you find it; I mean HIM.

Dear Ann Landers: Ten years ago, my husband and I gave his mother a pair of diamond stud earrings for Christmas. I have yet to see her wear them. I know she didn't return them, because she never asked where they were purchased. My concern is that she may not have realized they were real diamonds and could have thrown them out.

Seeing as my mother-in-law doesn't seem to value the earrings, would it be terrible of me to ask whether I could buy them back? We get along better than most, and I don't want to have any problems after 17 years. What should I do? — No Name in N.C.

Dear N.C.: Your mother-in-law probably gave the earrings away or misplaced them. Asking about your gift at this late date surely would embarrass her. Say nothing.

When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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