Classic Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Three months ago, our 18-year-old daughter "Ramona" had her tongue pierced. My wife and I had warned Ramona that if she pierced her tongue, she would lose her rights to the family car. She apparently didn't care, because she did it without our knowledge. In fact, her tongue was pierced for almost two weeks before we noticed.

I grounded her and took away the car keys, but the punishment lasted only a week because it became too inconvenient for me to drive her to after-school activities. My wife was angry with me for giving in, but we have since made peace. All is not well in our household, however, because my wife flatly refuses to speak to Ramona.

Our daughter is a good kid, Ann. She comes home on time and never gets into any trouble. I think my wife's continued silent treatment is excessive. Ramona has tried repeatedly to talk to her mother, but it does no good. I want to see their relationship improve, but every time I bring up the subject to my wife, we argue. Do you have any suggestions? — Depressed Dad in the Midwest

Dear Dad: Your wife should try to bury the hatchet, not so much for Ramona's sake, but for her own. Three months is much too long to be stewing in silence about something that was done by a daughter who is of legal age. I suspect your wife's anger is rooted elsewhere. Seeing as this is having a bad effect on your marriage, I suggest you join counseling — and the sooner the better.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for five months.

When Leonard's son comes to the house to visit, I become edgy and irritable and don't want anything to do with the boy. I know this is terrible of me, especially because I have two daughters from a previous marriage and Leonard is wonderful to them. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot give his son the same affection he gives my children. Leonard is now in court trying to get custody of the boy, and if he should succeed, I don't know what I will do.

Should I end our marriage now or stick it out and hope I can learn to love the child? Please help me, Ann. There is no way I can talk to anyone else about this. — Tormented in Tucson, Ariz.

Dear Tucson: I admire your willingness to admit so openly your feelings about the child. That's a healthy first step. Please see a professional and get some guidance on how to deal with this problem. Your marriage could depend on it. Meanwhile, a visit to the playground or zoo, just you and the boy, could be a good start in developing a bond. Consider it.

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ANN LANDERS (R)

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