At Work by Lindsey Novak

Q: I am in an impossible situation. I have a good-to-OK job and use every penny I make. I live well but not extravagantly. I guess I could say, unfortunately, I care about appearance and the status of what I do, but I am more miserable every day I go to work. I can no longer tolerate taking my work home with me, physically or emotionally. Thinking about all that I have to do gets harder and harder, and I am at the point that it's hard to wake up and go in. I cannot afford to just quit, but the thought of getting a different but equal type of job depresses me.

When I discuss it with friends, they tease me about getting a job as a retail clerk where I leave work behind when I leave for the day. I am not adverse to hard work, but I would be embarrassed if someone I knew walked into a store and saw me as a sales clerk. It would also be a waste of my education, which my friends remind me of daily. I feel any realistic change is impossible for me, but I can't bear the thought of continuing in a job that takes over my life. Can you help me get unstuck?

A: You have placed yourself in a no-win situation. You receive a good salary for a job that requires thought, planning and some working at home, which you resent. You are also living "up to" your means rather than below, which is why you feel trapped. Your situation is not impossible, despite what you think, but you have more work ahead if you want to be happy.

Re-evaluate your wants and your needs, and create a list as to what is important and what you can release. You have upset yourself thinking about jobs you don't want, but before you start any kind of job search, you need to lower your lifestyle to discover your tolerance level.

Lower-level or entry-level jobs within companies would preserve your anonymity, but moving down the corporate ladder may also lower your self-esteem. You have many issues to consider when re-evaluating your life and doing it alone or asking friends about it is unwise. Friends have a personal investment in you. They want you to stay the same so you can continue socializing with them at the same level. Know that any drastic change in your lifestyle will affect them, too. The question is whether you want to live your life according to your friends' lifestyles and approval.

Choosing a good counselor, even if only for a few visits, will help you through this period. You need an unbiased guide to help you clarify your needs and avoid making impulsive changes because your tolerance has run out. Boni Oian and Emily Sanderson's brief, but informative workbook, "Claim Your Life," is designed to usher readers through five steps in recognizing their core values, character traits and internal messages to make changing paths possible.

To save your sanity and to prevent you from walking off the job before you find a counselor to consult, take the time to reflect on yourself. Oian and Sanderson explain that the struggle to achieve changes may be due to unconscious beliefs and outside influences. You already know this since you already bought into your friends' values.

Email all your questions to workplace expert Lindsey Novak at LindseyNovak@yahoo.com. She answers all emails. To find out more about Lindsey Novak and to read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM