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When Facebook Friends Aren't Friends at All

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Dear Annie: My daughter is 13 years old. She has a 12-year-old friend, "Tasha," who is often left home alone, sometimes watching a younger sibling, while her mother works a second-shift job. Mom doesn't get home until 1:00 a.m.

My daughter is upset that I won't let her sleep over at Tasha's on the occasions when she's by herself or watching her sibling. Apparently, her other friends are allowed to do this, but I have my doubts that these friends' parents are aware that Tasha is alone so late.

I like Tasha and her mother, but I question the parent's judgment. Tasha has come here for sleepovers, and I allow my daughter to go to her home during the early evening, but only for a couple of hours because of the lack of supervision. Am I being too overprotective? — Concerned Mom

Dear Mom: No. We're sure Tasha is a perfectly responsible young girl, but if you would not leave your own child alone in the house until 1:00 a.m., there is no reason to allow it in someone else's home. (There are also legal issues about children under 16 being left unsupervised.) We imagine Tasha's mother does this because she cannot afford a sitter. It would be a great kindness if, on the days when Tasha is alone (and not taking care of her sister), you would offer to let her stay with you.

Dear Annie: I'm a professional single woman in my 50s. Several of my friends are quite active on Facebook and have recently been posting photographs of parties I've attended, including some from many years ago.

I do not wish to have my picture posted on Facebook and have said as much. These friends are ignoring my request with replies like, "But you look so good!" and "It's a great picture of you." I have asked my friends to let me preview any pictures before they post them, to no avail.

Am I being unreasonable? I am a very private person and am selective about sharing my life with others. What can I do? — Want My Privacy

Dear Want: Not too much.

You have asked these friends, nicely, to remove the pictures, and they have refused. They should respect your wishes not to have your face plastered on their pages, but they don't care. You have the option of indicating your displeasure in more forceful terms (becoming angry, not attending any future parties, un-friending them in cyberspace or in reality), or you can accept that this is the price you pay for having clueless, inconsiderate friends. (You are lucky these are good pictures. Too many people post the least flattering shots they can find.)

Dear Annie: "Grossed Out in the Silver State" was upset about overweight people wearing ill-fitting clothes that show body parts. You agreed it "isn't pretty." You know what else isn't pretty? The assumption that obese people can afford new clothes.

It is well known that poor nutrition is a class issue. Many people have trouble eating well because they cannot afford healthy, fresh ingredients, or they don't have the time to prepare home-cooked meals. Eating right and exercising is easy when you have the time and resources, but if someone has put on extra weight and lacks the funds for a new wardrobe, one can hardly expect them to stay inside all the time.

We are not guaranteed a public environment that is personally appealing. I find those who openly gawk at others to be quite unattractive, but I wouldn't demand they stay home. — Massachusetts

Dear Massachusetts: We agree that poor nutrition and insufficient funds can make it difficult to maintain a healthy weight, even though jogging around the block doesn't require a lot of time or resources. What would help is for people to be better educated about the dangers of fast food and processed foods (which contain high levels of fat, salt and sugar), and for healthier alternatives to be cheaper to get.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

37 Comments | Post Comment
While "Massachusetts" might be right about exercise time and the expense of new clothes, they are completely wrong when they say, "Many people have trouble eating well because they cannot afford healthy, fresh ingredients, or they don't have time to prepare home-cooked meals." Take out meals are *always* 2 to 3 times more expensive than home cooked. A slow cooker costs $24, which is four hours work at minimum wage. Brown rice, and navy beans in bulk packages are ultra cheap and readily available everywhere. Wonderful tasty recipes for these foods are easy to find. Pop these into the slow cooker with some canned tomatoes and spinach and when you come home you have a complete tasty nutritious meal.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Nick
Thu May 27, 2010 9:29 PM
"Take out meals are *always* 2 to 3 times more expensive than home cooked."

Um...sounds like somebody is unfamiliar with the $1 double cheeseburger craze. The top 3 burger chains, plus the pepsico chain all offer $1 selections, 1-2 of which are filling but contain virtually no nutrients.

Perhaps walking around the block is free, if you live in a neighborhood that it's safe to do that in. Perhaps one has the extra $24 for a slow cooker (one tenth of one week's wages BEFORE taxes is not always available for many people), but then there's a trip to the store, prep time, and cleanup after a long day at work, with the kids etc. Trying to live on minimum wage is ghastly drudgery I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Really. Couple that will the untreated health problems that tend to accompany poverty, and you've got people barely keeping their heads above water mentally and physically. Sad, really. But I'd guess that understanding brings us closer to a solution than judging people because their clothes no longer fit.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Wednes Fri
Thu May 27, 2010 10:35 PM
It is a sad but unfortunately true observation that fast food is cheap and often readily available...regardless of where one is or what time it is. Last week or so, someone pointed out in these comments that it's easier to take walk your kid down the street to McDonalds and spend three bucks or whatever on a kids' meal...than to take the bus the rest of the way into town, spend several times that on groceries, then ride all the way home and prepare the food in your kitchen. And Wednesfri is right...the dollar food offerings at the largest fast food chains has gotten completely "out of hand", for lack of a better phrase. It all got started with those $5 footlong sandwiches from Subway, and all the other chains followed suit trying to stay on top. I'm not really sure what the answer is, especially if the question is coming from one of these unfortunate people who live in a large city, don't have a car, and are just barely getting by financially. (I feel blessed to not have any of those problems, plus to physically live near a good-sized grocery store that sells fresh & healthy food.) Really, I wish I knew what the magic bullet was. For now, all I can suggest is that it's not a good idea to go around judging people by mere appearances (I believe even Jesus said this), as we really have no idea what burdens or limitations that strangers may labor under. One might want to refrain not only from verbalizing those ideas, but from even thinking them to begin with.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Matt
Thu May 27, 2010 11:36 PM
Well, I was certainly glad to see the posts by WEdnes Fri and Matt. I was feeling a little heartsick at the ignorance shown by the people making the comments about fat people and clothing, and then the comments by Nicholas that show such arrogance and lack of compassion. I am fortunate to be one of the privileged people in this country (white, educated, enough food to eat, sufficient money to live on comfortably.) What I need to be doing, and all your critical readers as well, is reaching out to those who are not as privileged as I am with compassion and care, not giving them more grief.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Connie Tyler
Fri May 28, 2010 12:03 AM
I agree with Nicholas, and I hardly think it's accurate to say that he is being arrogant or not showing compassion. Where is the arrogance in his factual statement? Although it's certainly easier to go to McDonald's and get a $1 cheeseburger, I can make a cheeseburger at home that costs about the same (or maybe a little less) and tastes a whole lot better. And as someone who lived in a very high cost of living area and survived on minimum wage, I know what I'm talking about. When my boyfriend quit eating out, he started saving over $1000 a month. I can feed both of us for about $25 a week, and we eat very healthily. And as Nicholas suggested, I also invested in a slow cooker early on. It's still one of my favorite things to cook with.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Agnes
Fri May 28, 2010 4:27 AM
I teach children from poverty. They eat a lot of macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, and chicken nuggets. They also love McDonald's. I had a 100lb 4 year old this year. On the subject of clothing, sometimes a parent will kick a drug habit and gain a lot of weight rapidly. Other times, it's just plain hard to find clothes that fit well unless you buy more expensive brands. Ralph Lauren jeans fit 1000 times better than what you can buy a box store, but they also cost a lot more.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Stephanie
Fri May 28, 2010 4:41 AM
To the contention by Massachusetts that "Many people have trouble eating well because they cannot afford healthy, fresh ingredients, or they don't have the time to prepare home-cooked meals", I say, "bull-oney!" Instead of inventing sob sister reasons for obesity, next time you go to the grocery store, take a glance at the carts and the people around you. The carts piled high with sodas, cookies, ready-to-eat prepared foods (always more expensive than the basic ingredients) generally have the overweight, unhealthy looking shopper behind them. And frequently a carton of cigarettes to go with it. It really is a choice.
The clothes issue is different. Avert your eyes.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Fri May 28, 2010 4:42 AM
Some of you people are just amazing at your judgement of others. I am overweight, but wear clothes that fit. I work ten hour days and try to make my child eat as healthily as possible. Time is a very hard thing to come by for us and it is easier to buy take out than to go to the grocery store to buy EXPENSIVE healthy food. If you pay attention, look how much the *fatty* foods cost compared to healthy veggies. It costs much less to eat poorly than to eat healthy. And with Hamburger you can make at home cheaper? a LB of that costs $3 or $4. not to mention the things you put on it or the buns to eat on it. so it is really cheaper to go to Mcdonalds or Burger King.
Comment: #8
Posted by: cas
Fri May 28, 2010 5:31 AM
Re: Agnes- "Although it's certainly easier to go to McDonald's and get a $1 cheeseburger, I can make a cheeseburger at home that costs about the same (or maybe a little less) " It may be cheaper in the long run but the point was that maybe they only have $2 to their name and to go to the store and buy the hamburger and buns would cost more... People need to stop being so judgemental... It also goes the other way- why doesn't anyone complain when skin skinny people wear revealing clothes- its just as 'disgusting'... The reality is that most overweight people don't actually want to be overweight but its not something they can change with the snap of their fingers... also- medications can cause people to gain weight- that's not something they can control- To all you judgemental people... watch out- you know what they say about karma
Comment: #9
Posted by: duh
Fri May 28, 2010 5:55 AM
I can vouch that an unhealthy diet IS far cheaper. Before my family and I had to make major changes due to food allergies, our grocery bill was easily a fraction of what it is now - and yes we suffer for it in the pocketbook, especially as we have a special needs child with sensory issues, especially w/food textures. I just thank God we have a ton of health food stores within spitting distance in any direction but it's STILL expensive. As it is, we've learned since that the cheaper stuff costs you in other ways. Did you know lots of hot dogs and processed meats contain corn syrup? Many fast food restaurants cut the meat they use with soy fillers and other gunk, which is why burgers are only a dollar, or less. So while people might pay less for those meals they end up nutritionally deprived, which makes them crave more food, and becomes a vicious cycle... and when you stare at a 6 oz. bag of greens that feeds 1-2 people and compare it to the jumbo box of Hamburger Helper that costs the same and can feed a whole family, and you have a tight budget, the choice gets made for you. The food industry knows it's got things bass-ackwards and doesn't care.

As for LW2, if her friends are tagging her in the Facebook pictures, she can remove the tags, and from what I understand you can't re-tag someone in a photo anymore. Her pictures will still remain up but at least she won't have her name associated with her face anymore.
Comment: #10
Posted by: PS
Fri May 28, 2010 6:00 AM
All those who said it's cheaper to eat junk food are right, but not all fashion disasters are caused by poverty. What I see more than anything is either a young girl with skin tight clothes and blobs of blubber hanging over the sides of her jeans and falling out of the bottom of her shirt or grossly obese women who must have all sorts of health problems - but in almost all cases they have obviously new (usually expensive-looking) clothes and/or they're talking on an iphone while pushing a shopping cart full of potato chips and sodas. Most overweight people got that way because of poor choices, just like their clothes didn't jump off the racks and attack them.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Jenny
Fri May 28, 2010 6:37 AM
Obesity IS a class issue -- you don't find nearly as large a percentage of wealthy people obese as you do among poorer people. Part of it is probably ignorance (the wealthy are more inclined to have finished school, have taken courses in nutrition or health, and have access to latest nutrition info, have better health care) part of it is economic (the wealthy have time and money for personal trainers, gyms better food that's prepared by others using top-quality ingredients). Hint to the Annies -- there are neighborhoods where jogging around the block is a really bad idea, and jogging is NEVER the recommended initial exercise program for the obese!

Home cooked meals CAN be cheaper than fast food, but not always. You're presuming a knowledge of nutrition and ability to search for recipes that many people don't have -- especially among those who can't read at a functional level or never had parents who had the knowledge to pass to them. That slow-cooker is a great idea if you have the $24 at one time that's not otherwise marked for rent, heat, child care, diapers, bus transportation to job, asthma meds, etc. AND a home where you've got working electricity. And if you've got some means of storing the leftovers safely so you don't face the choice of either tossing them out or risking illness from them -- functioning fridges are a luxury for many people living in poverty.

Gardening can be a great help -- but again, that takes knowledge that second- or third-generation city dwellers might not have. There are groups working to remedy this -- Growing Power in Milwaukee is one, and for anyone who is looking to do more outreach to help people eat better and thus live better, I'd recommend a visit to their site:growingpower.org.




Comment: #12
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri May 28, 2010 6:42 AM
My grocery store regularly sells large bags of apples for $.79. Blackberries have been $.77 a pint for over a month. A rotisserie chicken, that feeds a whole family, costs $6. A fast food meal costs $6 or more for ONE person. SO how exactly is it hard to eat healthy when you're short on cash or time? I'm really tired of people blaming their fatness on everything in the world but themselves. No one thinks burgers and fries are healthy, so stop talking about "education" and just put down the fork!
Comment: #13
Posted by: farrar sanchez
Fri May 28, 2010 7:04 AM
My grocery store regularly sells large bags of apples for $.79. Blackberries have been $.77 a pint for over a month. A rotisserie chicken, that feeds a whole family, costs $6. A fast food meal costs $6 or more for ONE person. SO how exactly is it hard to eat healthy when you're short on cash or time? I'm really tired of people blaming their fatness on everything in the world but themselves. No one thinks burgers and fries are healthy, so stop talking about "education" and just put down the fork!
Comment: #14
Posted by: farrar sanchez
Fri May 28, 2010 7:05 AM
Obesity is most certainly partly a class issue but it is rapidly rising in the middle class as well, mostly due not to the inability to afford good food but the time issue. Sure you can pop stuff in a slow cooker - but most of those meals take 6-8 hours; the average family is away from their home for 10+ with many commutes an 1 hour or longer each way. So when given the choice between a 4 hour old dried up meal of beans or McDs, what're they going to choose? I struggle to find recipes that take long enough that it won't be tough or dried up by the time we get home because even on warm, the food is still cooking for that time between when it was done and you got home.
We eat a lot more frozen food than would be optimal but it is at least better for us than the fast food. Frozen vegetables maintain many more of their nutrients than canned and are just as quick to heat, and are easier to take a serving out and then reclose & keep. Store brands can run as low as $1 for 6 servings. Even if you put that together with frozen crunchy fish sticks it is a better meal than a double cheeseburger & fries.
Between the fish sticks & double cheese alonge (even in you eat 8 fish sticks instead of the serving size of 6), you still come in with 250 fewer calories, 17 fewer grams of fat and only 4 fewer grams of protien. That's not counting the match off between any steamed vegetable and fries!
I love to eat out, but now I'm trying to curtail the # of times and just go nicer places when I do. And somehow, by doing so, I make better restaurant choices (scallops over spinach instead of steak & potato, pasta with salmon instead of meatballs) and overall is a net health gain.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Mich
Fri May 28, 2010 7:16 AM
I don't think the original letter writer judged the person's weight so much as having to look at their naked body parts being exposed (which is equally gross and not classy no matter the person's weight). It has nothing to do with being able to afford 'new' clothes. The problem is when they bought the clothes they are wearing, they had a choice to pay the same price for something that actually fit instead of two sizes too small. If they can afford the too-small clothes they are wearing now, they could have afforded the just-right ones. It's all about making the right choices when you pick out clothes. I think that's the point of the original LW.
Comment: #16
Posted by: JuJu
Fri May 28, 2010 7:29 AM
Farrar, I would love to know where your grocery store is that sells apples for $.79 per bag and blueberries at $.77 a pint, because both of those things are closer to $4 in my local grocery store right now.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Melissa
Fri May 28, 2010 7:38 AM
I got the letter writer's point but I'll tell you, I don't like to see ANYONE with all their parts hanging out. It is plain & simple indecency. On the other hand, if it is 100 degrees outside, sorry, I'll be wearing a tank & shorts and you'll just have to deal with my flabby arms & thighs.
And in actuality, most clothes for larger people are more expensive than smaller. Makes sense, you're using more fabric, but if you look at blouse one for $20 and identical blouse two (two sizes up) for $40 I can see how people delude themselves into thinking the 1st one will fit.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Mich
Fri May 28, 2010 7:43 AM
Whether you eat in or get fast food, it costs nothing to eat less. Fat people are fat because they eat too much, no matter where they get their food from.
Comment: #19
Posted by: TJ
Fri May 28, 2010 8:25 AM
LW1 - I don't think it is overprotective not to allow your 13yo to have a sleep-over at the house with a 12yo and a younger sibling (who said it was a sister?) and no adult. I wouldn't. However, Annies are way, way, way off base saying that there may be issues with children ** being unsupervised. Under 16? What a load of bovine excrement. What are the ladies smoking? Surely, you can leave your 13 - 15 yo in the house unsupervised. Did these ladies hire babysitters for their teenagers when they went out to a late show with their spouses and didn't get home until midnight or 1:00 AM? Many kids start babysitting at the age of 12 or 13 themselves. If they are old enough to be trusted with supervising a younger child or two for a few hours, they are surely old enough to be trusted to take care of themselves for the same period of time.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Ariana
Fri May 28, 2010 8:25 AM
It's CHEAPER to eat health fruits and vegatables than McDonalds. The McDonald's burger has a small percentage of meat, and a load of grain filler. In addition, it contains organ meat that most butchers would throw away. If you live in an area where there are no supermarkets or natural foods are unavailable, you can club together with someone who has a car and drive to a Costco or some cheap market, where you can stock up. Or you and your friends can start a food co-op and get food wholesale. Bill Cosby talks about this in his book COME ON PEOPLE.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Roger
Fri May 28, 2010 9:24 AM
Everything you need to know is right here:
Letter 1: Kid stays home.
Letter 2: Become a vampire - they can't take your picture. If you are sick of seeing yourself in the mirror problem solved there too.
Letter 3: If they spend less on food, they can afford new clothes. Or maybe the ones they have will fit.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Quadulus
Fri May 28, 2010 9:38 AM
reply to TJ:
Fat people are not fat because they eat to much. Alot are fat thru their Meds. I weighed 118lbs. I don't eat anything because it makes me sick. But I have gained up to 160lbs. I take vitiamens and other nutrients to stay alive. But I eat nothing period. Alot of people are not fat because they are big eaters, meds can cause it. Diease's can cause it. Don't just assume. One day you just might be in their shoes.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Debra Sullivan
Fri May 28, 2010 10:46 AM
Wow every body has and excuse for not taking a little better care of ones self to tiered bad neighborhood kids and the list goes on and on and on and on. but guess what have you heard of thrift stores the 99 cent store very healthy stuff can be found in thier i am below poverty leve and l in south central la hood not the best but I have to go to work, i walk to the bus stop, i walk to the store, i walk to the mail box, i walk every where i have to go to get to where i have to go, and you know what i even walk in circles in my back yard and in my living room around the coffee table "get up" you can not live your life hiding because you live in a bad neigborhood that means your would never get out to go to your low paying job bad things happen in every part of town up town or down town and all fat people do not have sereious health issues yet, but if you keep saying im to tiered i see bad people ect. ect. ect. i am not saying a few large people dont have a hard time. but all of them!!!! not. get up get up get up.

I love you Beguun but "GET UP"
Comment: #24
Posted by: Yolanda
Fri May 28, 2010 12:09 PM
Helllllll OOOOOOO #24 you for got the part about the " sick ones" & "tiered ones" on the money while sitting in your disabled states lift your legs & arms up and down a couple a times every few mins. any thing is better than just sitting down and complaining that people look at me funny. I also live in a not so good neigborhood and in even the worst ones there are not shootings and killings on your or my block everyday or every month. stuff happens so does life. if you are that scared take hint "walk around your house" that was a good one. Think about it hhhmmmmm walk around the house
Comment: #25
Posted by: zoe
Fri May 28, 2010 1:04 PM
Re: Yolanda

Hello walk around the house scared and sick people. lift your leg lift your arm while sitting rotate your rolls while sitting. do any thing you have breath to do. get up get up get up or move while sitting its effortless.
Comment: #26
Posted by: zoe
Fri May 28, 2010 1:09 PM
Obesity is like wearing a scarlet letter. Your weakness, your sin, your self destructive behavior is visible for the world to weigh, judge & execute you. People don't have the right to judge. You have no idea of that nice looking man is a pedofile, drunk driver, adulterer, secret drug addict or child abuser by looking at him. He may be a sorry excuse for a human being with much worse self destructive behavior (like sleeping around without condoms) than a fat person slowly self destructing by eating themselves to death. Everyone has their dysfunction, fat people wear their main one visible and other people should shut up unless they are going to wear all their dysfunctions like scarlet letters across their chests to be judge equally.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Laurie
Fri May 28, 2010 4:53 PM
Obesity is like wearing a scarlet letter. Your weakness, your sin, your self destructive behavior is visible for the world to weigh, judge & execute you. People don't have the right to judge. You have no idea of that nice looking man is a pedofile, drunk driver, adulterer, secret drug addict or child abuser by looking at him. He may be a sorry excuse for a human being with much worse self destructive behavior (like sleeping around without condoms) than a severely obese person slowly self destructing by eating themselves to death. Everyone has their dysfunction, obese people wear their main one visible and other people should shut up unless they are going to wear all their dysfunctions like scarlet letters across their chests to be judge equally.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Laurie
Fri May 28, 2010 4:55 PM
Obesity is like wearing a scarlet letter. Your weakness, your sin, your self destructive behavior is visible for the world to weigh, judge & execute you. People don't have the right to judge. You have no idea of that nice looking man is a pedofile, drunk driver, adulterer, secret drug addict or child abuser by looking at him. He may be a sorry excuse for a human being with much worse self destructive behavior (like sleeping around without condoms) than a person slowly self destructing by eating themselves to death. Everyone has their dysfunction, fat people wear their main one visible and other people should shut up unless they are going to wear all their dysfunctions like scarlet letters across their chests to be judge equally.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Laurie
Fri May 28, 2010 4:56 PM
Obesity is like wearing a scarlet letter. Your weakness, your sin, your self destructive behavior is visible for the world to weigh, judge & execute you. People don't have the right to judge. You have no idea of that nice looking man is a pedofile, drunk driver, adulterer, secret drug addict or child abuser by looking at him. He may be a sorry excuse for a human being with much worse self destructive behavior (like sleeping around without condoms) than a fat person slowly self destructing by eating themselves to death. Everyone has their dysfunction, fat people wear their main one visible and other people should shut up unless they are going to wear all their dysfunctions like scarlet letters across their chests to be judge equally.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Laurie
Fri May 28, 2010 4:56 PM
I know there are people who take medications that can cause water retention, weight gain etc. steroids being one of the worse. And I know there are issues the whole fast food industry (watch Food Inc. it will open your eyes and make you sick), and we have to start questioning why corn is so heavily subsidized but apples aren't; and what role the powerful food and farm lobby play in all of this.....once again Watch FOOD INC! And I wonder why we have taken home economics out of the schools, generations of people learned about nutrition and how to cook in these classes. I am a chef and it bothers me to no end some of the basic cooking skills people have lost. But....people have choices too
Before I became a chef, I was a single mom raising two kids on her own, no family around or child support. I worked long hours at a job paying $13 an hour. My kids never ate at Mcdonalds in all those years. Yes I had a slow cooker (thrift store $3), I used it til I burned it out, my things were never burnt and dry, (if you have to be gone longer use extra liquid and recipes that are more forgiving, like chilli). I did homemade everything, I had money for the basics flour, eggs, milk, apples etc. Yes, there are people in extreme situations but not a majority of people. I took my kids for lots of walks (we didn't have any tv stations, not in the budget). Most of it is about choice. I'm not judging overweight people, it's your body do with it as you please, I am a big believer in free will, but just don't say it's not your fault. That I have a problem with.
As for the clothes. I think of Queen Latifah in Hairspray singing "I'm big blond and beautiful" . And I know ladies in my church who are very large women, but they dress with grace, style and elegance. I don't think they have a big clothing budget. I also know some girls who are not so big but wear ill fitting outfits and it is so unattractive and unflattering to themselves. And people do judge on appearance, in sales they say the first impression is very hard to overcome. I mean if two women came up to you, both stating they had lost their purse and needed a couple of bucks for bus fare home, one is dressed neatly in a business casual outfil, make-up, hair in a bun, and the other is in torn sweats, a dirty t-shirt, scraggly hair and has body odor , which one would your first thought be, that she wants it to buy booze?
Comment: #31
Posted by: Lisa
Fri May 28, 2010 5:49 PM
Re: Wany My Privacy
She should remove her name from the photos posted of her on her friends' facebook account. When she goes to her friends FB photos, there should be in red the words "remove tag". She can click on it and remove her name from the photo. She can also post a comment saying something negative about the posting of her name and use her words to fight back.
FB users are suppose to have others' consent to post their photos. This is an agreement the user has to check before posting the pics. If the friend is in violation, she can report them to FB which will bring about different consequences. Good luck to her!
Comment: #32
Posted by: Robyn
Sat May 29, 2010 1:49 PM
All the affordable, healthy food in the grocery story does not do one much good if there is not a grocery store nearby or if one does not own a car. Imagine transfering a bus or two with two full bags of groceries in your arms. It is true that poverty is not the only cause of obesity, and some too tight clothing is just poor taste. I think the point is not to leap to judge. And also, stop expecting other people -- with all their struggles and all their humanity -- to always be decorative to your eyes. Is it your job to be decorative to theirs?
Comment: #33
Posted by: V W
Sat May 29, 2010 9:01 PM
Ill fitting clothing on all body sizes is unflattering and offensive to the eyes. I hate when young women who are of average weight but have a gut show off their bulge with belly shirts. Or pants too tight you can see their labia outline. I cannot stand a man's pants too short I'm left wondering when's the next flood or his slanted pant pockets are poking out. Don't get me started on the revealing back and arms when all I can think who plays connect the dots on their body acne! While obese parts sticking out is a bit disgusting to the eye- chubby people don't have the entire market on that one!
Comment: #34
Posted by: janet
Sun May 30, 2010 5:18 AM
Nicholas is recommending a high-carb diet as the solution to healthy cheap eating - this is really bad advice.

PCOS is a collection of not-so-well understood hormonal disorders affecting 1 in 4 women. It makes it much more difficult for these women to lose weight or maintain a healthy weight than the average person. And it's not simply a matter of eating even less and exercising even more than other dieters, which is hard enough: the RIGHT diet is something doctors and nutritionists argue about. One thing for sure: low carb is the only way most of these women can lose weight.

Unfortunately, carbs are what's cheap and affordable. Even rice, beans and other complex carbs must be minimized for these women to lose weight. Since PCOS leads to obesity, you can safely assume more than 1 in 4 obese women have PCOS, and Nicholas' diet would be disastrous for them (it would exacerbate symptoms other than the weight gain). There simply IS no cheap diet for PCOS sufferers. I have it myself, and have to spend $3-400/month to buy a healthy AND low-carb diet just for me, and because I can afford this, I'm not obese. If I couldn't afford it and had to live on the sort of diet Nicholas recommends, I'd weigh a lot more.

It's really not as simple as some people want to believe. Sure, lots of obese people simply don't know how to eat and exercise properly, or can't be bothered. The same is true of lots of skinny people who are blessed with metabolisms that keep them slim anyway. But many of the obese people some of us like to pass judgment on are dealing with far more complex issues than we realize. If you don't even realize there's a metabolic disorder affecting nearly 25% of women, then maybe you don't know enough about your topic to be stating categorically that obesity is always a choice.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Dexy
Sun May 30, 2010 11:30 AM
I can't believe how some of you people are. Farrar - 6 dollar chicken? Do you know why they are so cheap? They are pumped full of growth hormones to make them grow faster than a chicken biologically should. I hope you realize that whatever that chicken is given is put into you when you eat it. I decided three months ago to eat nothing processed, and I went all organic. I lost 15 pounds from just that change. Yes there is the argument of take out vs homemade, but there's even still a difference between what you buy at the grocery store. Do I go with a factory farm, chemical laced chicken or a free range, grain fed hen at twice the price? Frozen veggies lacking nutrients or fresh? My grocery bill has gone up 25-50 bucks more a week. We were in decent shape before, but just cutting out all the chemicals has made us healthier on the inside that we could have ever thought. And by the way Annie 1 and Annie 2, if you aren't fueling your body right, you can't jog. The difference is night and day. You wouldn't put used canola oil in your car and expect it to run, right? Why would you expect to be able to function on chicken nuggets and cans of cheap, over salted soup?
Comment: #36
Posted by: Lindsay
Sun May 30, 2010 6:45 PM
Re: Laurie we get it Lauri you have no intention of getting up. Your not Loss
Comment: #37
Posted by: yolanda
Wed Jun 2, 2010 10:41 AM
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