creators home
creators.com lifestyle web
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Recently

Drinking the Family Business Dry Dear Annie: My brother, "Ned," worked alongside my dad for many years. Now that Dad is getting up in years, Ned has taken over the business. Ned has had a drinking problem for a long time. Ten years ago, he landed a lucrative contract for the …Read more. Hard-To-Believe I Love Yous Dear Annie: I am in a relationship with a man I met through an online dating site. I hadn't known him long when he broke up with me. But shortly after our relationship ended, I found out I was pregnant. We didn't talk much at the beginning of my …Read more. Ovarian Cancer Awareness Dear Annie: September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month as proclaimed by the U.S. Senate and President Obama, whose mother battled the disease. Ovarian cancer is the most deadly of all gynecologic cancers, affecting one in 72 women. It is …Read more. Always the Disciplinarian Dear Annie: I am a proud father of two young children, who both mind and respect me. I know that kids get in trouble. We were all kids once. The problem is, I am the disciplinarian at home, and I wish my wife and her mother did a little more. They …Read more.
more articles

The Risks of Going Commando

Comment

Dear Annie: My 19-year-old daughter came home for the summer after her first year of college. When I did her laundry, I couldn't help noticing there were no panties.

I was stunned when my daughter told me that she and many other girls at school had stopped wearing panties altogether. I asked if her clothes weren't getting ruined by staining from natural secretions, and she said they wear tampons.

Annie, I recall a lot of news reports about toxic shock syndrome. Women were getting it from wearing tampons without changing them frequently enough. Could my daughter be endangering herself? — Worried Mom of Britney Spears Wannabe

Dear Worried: We contacted J. Douglas Van Arsdale, M.D., Associate Clinical Professor, Dept. of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Here is his response:

Dear Worried Mom: The abrasive nature of pants, particularly if they are tight, would not make this a comfortable endeavor. However, chronically wearing a tampon may increase the risk of minor vaginal wall abrasions, and thereby increase the risk of HIV infection. Also, the absorbent nature of tampons would decrease lubrication.

A more dramatic concern is toxic shock syndrome. This is a rare event most often associated with super-absorbent tampons that have been left in place for extended periods of time. But one can never absolutely rule out this possibility. So I would recommend the following:

Have an exam by a gynecologist to be sure that she is healthy and has no sexually transmitted diseases. Make sure she knows how to use a condom and uses one every time she has sex. She may also need a lubricant. Be certain that she has been vaccinated for HPV. If she must go commando, she should use a low-absorbent tampon, and even then there may be a very low risk of toxic shock. And most importantly, stay away from the paparazzi.

Dear Annie: I've been married to "Bob" for three years.

I love him dearly and get along with my in-laws. The problem is, he insists we spend every holiday with his family, which is stressful for me.

I don't handle large crowds well, and at these holiday functions, there are at least 30 people crammed into a house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We always stay at his folks' place for several days, and I am constantly uncomfortable.

I asked Bob if he would consider celebrating at least one holiday by ourselves, but he won't hear of it. He says his parents would be hurt. Thanksgiving will be here shortly, and I am already dreading it. Can you help? — Holiday Blues

Dear Holiday: Putting up with the in-laws at family gatherings is part of marriage. Although you shouldn't have to spend every holiday with Bob's family, if it is only a few days in November and December, please try to do your best. Having young children often provides an excuse not to travel so much. Right now, start with a compromise. If you can afford it, insist on staying at a hotel instead of at his parents' home, at least part of the time. This will give you some privacy and may provide you with the equanimity to tolerate the rest.

Dear Annie: Thank you for telling "Peg" that not all sex offenders are a threat to others.

In our small town, there is one person on the sex offender registry. During a party at his house, he stepped outside to urinate in the backyard. It was dark, but there was a child in the yard next door who apparently saw him and told his parents. The young man was convicted of being a sex offender, even though he was unaware of the child's presence. So not all registered sex offenders have sexually molested anyone, nor will they. — Small Town

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM



Comments

49 Comments | Post Comment
What? All the holidays with one side of the family? No way, no matter how nice they are. Negotiate, draw straws or roll dice, but divide them up: One for him, one for you, one for you as a couple. Get creative and do visits throughout the year. My ex gets the big holidays so I have made new traditions for weekends before or after. We jokingly use the term "Chrismukkah" to describe the ongoing celebrations that just make the fun last longer.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Editoranne
Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:38 PM
This is about the third letter. This is not the first time I've heard of someone registered as a sex offender whose offense had nothing to do with molestation. This is crazy. Why in the world would any court find that this young man was a sex offender? Putting people who are not dangerous on this list just muddies the waters. It's like the boy who cried "wolf".
Comment: #2
Posted by: Connie Tyler
Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:49 PM
Much as I might smile at the thought of a bunch of 19-year-old college women running around not wearing any panties (bad me for even thinking that, I know)...I have to wonder why the writer's daughter and her friends find this so appealing. Isn't the hard fabric of jeans or a skirt rather abrasive to her sensitive lady parts? And isn't she getting...uh...skid marks inside her pants? I don't know anything about the hygenic issues so I can't comment there. I read once before (it might have been in the original Ann Landers' column) a letter about a girl named "Franny" who was doing this, along with a friend. As with this letter, it was the writer's daughter. Anyway, the columnist actively discouraged young women from "going commando" and added that it could be...er, catastrophic...if a gal did this while wearing a skirt and a gust of wind came up...you get the idea. I did notice that nobody has ever talked about whether men should do this. Apparently nobody thinks that us guys going around without underwear could have any adverse consequences. I can't see any other than maybe zipping up a little too fast after using the urinal in the men's room, and....well...yeeouch.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Matt
Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:37 PM
Re: LW3. I actually knew a guy who was a diver in the Navy, and didn't wear underwear for a few years after he got out of the Navy. He claimed it was a diver tradition to go "commando" at all times. Whatever.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Catharine
Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:45 PM
Matt, I am guessing that the young women go commando to avoid <gasp> VPL (visible panty lines), considered to be a huge faux pax among those who care about fashion.
Comment: #5
Posted by: PuaHone
Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:13 PM
LW1 - There are other bodily fluids that I wouldn't want on my clothes and wiping doesn't always get them completely. Urine, sweat, as Matt put it "skid marks." All I know is that I definitely would not have wanted to go commando in college, if only for the amount of laundry. I change my underwear every day, but in college, with as little sleep as I got, lots of studying and partying, and absolutely no free time, laundry was at the bottom of my priority list and some of my blue jeans were worn a minimum of 10 times before I washed them.

PuaHone, I didn't consider the no visible panty lines thing. Granted, I care next to nothing about fashion. My attitude on that is if someone happens to stare at my behind long enough to find panty lines and be shocked by it then I would say "Wow, Sherlock!! Good for you for unearthing the secret that like billions of other people worldwide, I wear underwear."

LW2 - I agree with Editoranne. Even if LW2 doesn't have family and/or chooses not to spend holidays with them, that doesn't mean they have to spend every holiday with the spouse's family.

LW3 - I don't know what the majority of cities are like, but in the state that I live in (central US) _violent_ sex crimes are felonies and cause you to be a registered sex offender. Urinating in public and mooning passersby do not require you to be listed on a registry.
Comment: #6
Posted by: FAW
Wed Oct 27, 2010 12:06 AM
LW3 - I did some more digging on the net because I was curious. It's unfortunate for LW3's small town, if LW3 heard the story correctly, that this person got stuck on the sex offender registry. Again, I don't know about other states, but where I live:

Indecent exposure => registered sex offender
(Our laws are written using the term "he" even though I'm sure women could do this as well.) It is defined as someone who _knowlingly_ exposes his genitals. LW3 said the man did not know anyone saw him.

Public indecency => NO registration required. Petty offense.
Things like having sex or fondling in public. Knowing that you're in a public place and that someone could possibly see you.
Comment: #7
Posted by: FAW
Wed Oct 27, 2010 12:46 AM
FAW--good point about laundry. When you don't wear undergarments, the outerwear basically becomes both outer-and-under-wear. Going commando means either washing every bottom item every time it's worn, or...EEEEWWW!

I have to take issue with part of the response to Holiday Blues. "Having young children often provides an excuse not to travel so much....Right now, start with...." Where in this LW's letter does it indicate that the spouses are expecting to reproduce in the near future? Is it because they're only been married for three years, and so must be young, fertile and planning to start a family?? Holiday and Bob could easily be past child-bearing years, infertile or same-sex. So, to infer that putting up with every holiday at Bob's extended family's crowded get-togethers is temporary because babies will be arriving soon is a stretch. It's at least as likely that Holiday and Bob won't have children and need to find another (excuse) to establish their independence from Bob's family.

There is certainly nothing wrong with a married couple opting to spend HALF of the holidays with one spouse's family. The other half can be spent with the other spouse's family, or however that spouse would rather spend the holiday. This issue is simply about compromising to keep the marriage healthy.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Bear
Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:10 AM
My husband goes commando, (growing up, his dad wouldn't waste money on underwear-so that is what he is used to) - and what has to be his most embarrassing moment was when he was scalded with hot grease at work. The paramedics had to cut his pants off him and the sheet did not cover him completely as he was taken out through the front door of the upscale restaurant he worked. Dinner and a show!!
Comment: #9
Posted by: Wilma
Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:39 AM
i never thought i'd be defending the thong, but isn't its purpose to prevent vpl? far be it from me to criticize anyone else's dress or personal hygiene, but going commando is not for me. sempere ubi sub ubi, which i have been told is 'always wear underwear' in latin. anyway, why is mom doing laundry for a 19 year old? she is doing her daughter no favors. the young woman needs to learn how to do this for herself.
my earliest memory of christmas is waiting for the bus in freezing cold weather on the way to one set of grandparents, then throwing up on the bus on the way to the other set. as soon as i was old enough to make my own choices, i decided if someone wanted my company so much, they could come to me. i will not leave my house on christmas day. i understand if a family member wants to have a get together for christmas and they all know they are welcome or we often have a get together the following day or the following weekend. i kind of like this as it stretches out the holiday. it also gives other family members options of spending christmas with the other side of the family. i have always told my husband if he wants to visit someone on christmas day, to go with my blessing but i'm staying home. he has always chosen to stay home with me.
Comment: #10
Posted by: alien07110
Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:01 AM
Wilma - I had to laugh at your story! A male friend of mine used to go commando and one day he was wearing light colored pants. He was working an outdoor even when the sun hit him just right and everybody saw right thru his pants! Some were gasping but most were laughing. He overheard one woman say to her friend, "It's like looking inside a can of Vienna Sausages!" After that, no more commando!

LW1 - I got the impression that her daughter is wearing tampons every day, even when it's not her time of the month. That's not good. It says right on the box they are not to be worn unless it's your time. I hope her daughter sees a doctor to get checked out.

LW2 - Every single holiday with your in-laws is ridiculous! And, honey, I've been in your shoes. My ex-husband demanded every holiday be with his family. That got old, real fast (and no, I didn't divorce him over that). It's time to put your foot down and start enjoying your holidays. Tell him that it's not fair that every holiday is with his family. See if he'll agree to an every other holiday option. You pick the plans for a holiday, he does the next and so on and so forth. If he says no, then he can go by himself. He can't "make" you go and see his family. You can spend the holiday alone, with family, with friends, or however you'd like.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Michelle
Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:28 AM
Just an aside: I learned recently that women wearing underwear was considered rather risque and improper until sometime after the beginning of the nineteenth century. The contrast in attitudes really amuses me.
Comment: #12
Posted by: cead
Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:01 AM
Actually, people talking about the commando issue, it's healthier NOT to wear underwear for women, particularly if they are wearing sweat pants or a casual skirt. Up until this century, underwear for women sort of resembled loose PJ pants. or boxers The current panty style is known to chafe, trap bacteria, etc because they're so tight. And while this wouldn't be practical for, y'know, jeans, I don't always wear underwear if I'm wearing a skirt (and I don't wear a tampon either). By the way, thongs are BAD (BAD!)-just say no! They cause anal fissures, infections, chafing, etc.
Comment: #13
Posted by: AgLee
Wed Oct 27, 2010 4:27 AM
Bear - actually, it is more likely than not that LW2 and partner will end up with kids. I still think the Annies' comment was oddly out of place, though.

LW1 - While the idea of wearing tampons every day makes my skin crawl (I can't stand them during my period - menstrual cup all the way), not wearing panties is actually healthier than wearing them. With the exception of loose cotton undies, most are bacteria and moisture traps (hello yeast infection). So while not wearing them sounds more "icky", like not washing your hair every day, it's actually better to go without.

That said, I do wear underpants every, but try to go at least a day between hair washes.

LW3 - I agree with the Annies that while you're there, you should deal with the people. "I don't handle crowds well" is a lame excuse (although one I have used often). However, I don't think you should be spending every single holidays with your inlaws. I like the idea of taking turns that someone posted earlier. One for you (to visit your family), one for him (visit his family) and one for the both of you (go away for a few days, or just stay home). If he gives you a hard time, state that your family is as important as his and that your marriage will very much benefit from a few days of restful alone time once or twice a year.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Zoe
Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:01 AM
LW1--mind your own business, please, she's an adult. If she chooses to go without panties, that is her decision, and it is certainly not going to kill her. Just because you do her laundry doesn't mean you have earned more than the right to ask the question. You did, she answered, let it go.

LW3 FAW--the person who urinated in his backyard DID "knowingly" expose himself, the question of whether he did it while knowing that someone else could see him is not material. And while it certainly seems ridiculous that he would have to register as a sex offender for what amounts to public urination, I still do wonder why he would step into the backyard to pee at his own house. That is very odd.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Melissa
Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:11 AM
L1- Does anybody else think this letter is fake? I do believe some women go without underwear, but this sounded more like someone who gets off on the thought of it. I think it was the part about her friends doing it, too.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Renee J
Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:24 AM
Matt & FAW-you both really cracked me up with your comments about LW1. Thanks for the laugh this morning. :)

I agree with both of you about body fluids being a problem not to mention chafing!! These ladies can get around that by wearing underwear and using very thin panty liners but like AgLee said, no thongs! I would not advise using tampons, either, unless they are menstruating.

As for risks of Toxic Shock Syndrome, my son's godmother lost a friend in high school to TSS. From what the doctors could determine, she must have used a tampon around lunchtime at school and forgot about it. She went to bed that night and did not awaken the next morning. She never woke up.

LW2-I think LW2's husband is being incredibly selfish. In the early years of our marriage, my husband and I spent the major holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving with family but not necessarily others like Memorial Day, Easter, Labor Day, etc. We tried to alternate time between families to be fair but then both his parents and mine are reasonable people. Plus, they all get along very well, so it's not uncommon for one set of parents to invite the other for a visit. It also helps that they don't live very far apart, which was great when my husband and I lived further away.

It's time to compromise. I think LW2 needs to stand firm and request that they spend some holidays doing something else. Where is her family in all this? Is she not allowed to spend any time with them? I admit this is a little unusual; one usually hears of the husband's family getting pushed aside in favor of the wife's. I have tried to follow the same pattern my parents set when I was growing up by trying to visit both my family and my husband's as equally as possible. To me, it's the sort of thing one does out of love for one's spouse, that is, sacrificing time spent with my own family so my husband can spend time with his.

LW3-I would not be surprised if sex offender laws vary from state to state. I have also heard of pranksters who went streaking in public, were caught and charged with public indecency. This meant they had to register as sex offenders in their state. Then again, this could just be a rumor, I haven't attempted to verify if this has actually happened.
Comment: #17
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:29 AM
Editoranne, we're a very multi-ethnic family, and we eventually started wishing each other a happy Chrismakwantetukkah!
Comment: #18
Posted by: Carla
Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:55 AM
WHY would you consult a male on this issue!!?? There are plenty of female doctors available
to discuss womens' health and sexuality. College women don't go to male gynecologists if they can help it.
I think they are a remnant of patriarchy and will be in very low demand in the next 10-15 years.
Also, I cannot help but wonder if this letter was selected for its titillating headline to draw readers in- nothing hotter than college girls without panties. Women support women- Don't defer to male expertise.
Comment: #19
Posted by: Avalinne
Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:06 AM
I am a female in my early 30's and stopped wearing panties about 10 years ago. I have a bad back, and for years wore a brace. The brace would cause my panties to ride way too far up, and it became more trouble then it was worth. I do however (at the expense of my boyfriend), wear cotton panties to bed so there is nothing leaking on the sheets. It is WAY more comfortable. And I wear them if I am wearing a skirt or a dress - no Britney moments for me! I had TSS when I was a teenager, so tampons are not an option. Don't knock it until you try it!
Comment: #20
Posted by: Sarah
Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:49 AM
To comment #10, that Latin is hilarious! But really, "Semper ubi sub ubi" means "always where under where." It's meaningless in Latin but a funny English pun when you translate it out loud.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Penelope
Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:16 AM
Re: LibraryKat
It varies state-to-state but there are plenty of people on sex offender registries who do NOT belong there. The whole system needs reworking.
As to the person who asked why a guy would go in his backyard rather than the house, 6 or more people living in a home with only ONE bathroom, the guys are often decent enough to just go outside rather than stand there banging on the door yelling HURRY UP!! when someone is in there, possibly a child without a lot of control over their elimination or someone who is ill. Or a party with perhaps 20 people milling around and several waiting for the facilities who are not able to whip it out and go. Luckily we have a compost heap where a guy can go without being seen by neighbors, so none of my friends or family have been arrested for something like that.
And really, how much can you see when a guy is taking a pee? Not enough to warrant his being registered a sex offender.
Comment: #22
Posted by: moon
Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:32 AM
I believe there are people on the sex offender list who are not threats. But... the guy getting caught peeing in his backyard and convicted for it... Sorry, I'm not believing the story or at least I'm sure there is more to it than that. I'm not seeing he'd get convicted for a one time deal at a party. If he's habitually peeing even his own backyard where he knows children can see him.... well now that makes more sense doesn't it? I made that last part up but I'm saying there is more to this story and we don't know it. One time public nudity just usually doesn't yield a sentence so harsh.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Irene Hollimon
Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:50 AM
I recently heard a story about a man who lost his teaching lisense in Pennsylvania for life because someone who lived along a golf course saw him go behind a bush and called the police with his cart number. Indecent exposure. Unbelievable. I'm female and occasionally need to use a bush on the course. Naturally I have to be a lot more selective than the men, but don't want to miss my turn or hold up the next team when nature calls. What is wrong with people and the courts that would ruin someones livelyhood for something so innocent?
Comment: #24
Posted by: Holly
Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:18 AM
MATT - FYI... Men are the only ones who get skid marks... seriously... I have never in 35 years of life caused a skid mark nor known a female to do so. We are all mystified by how/why men do this. Wiping until CLEAN!!! not just once per go---Duh!! will ALWAYS take care of this.... Anyway, Going commando is fine and there will be little or no stain from any fluid as if there were, it would indicate a health issue. Im commando many times many yrs with no issues! The trouble is wearing tampons all the time-- weird!!!!! and uncomfortable and dangerous! eeewww!! Thats the weirdest thing I've heard in a long time!
Comment: #25
Posted by: julie
Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:21 AM
I recently heard a story about a man who lost his teaching lisense in Pennsylvania for life because someone who lived along a golf course saw him go behind a bush and called the police with his cart number. Indecent exposure. Unbelievable. I'm female and occasionally need to use a bush on the course. Naturally I have to be a lot more selective than the men, but don't want to miss my turn or hold up the next team when nature calls. What is wrong with people and the courts that would ruin someones livelyhood for something so innocent?
Comment: #26
Posted by: Holly
Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:23 AM
LW1 -
I think "going commando" comfort depends on the clothing item, fabric and body type. I never would have thought to do it since I was raised with a "better wear clean underwear" mom. I started sleeping in the nude after I discovered it solved some back pain issues. (34" waist, no weight problem, elastic was pinching nerve)
Having kids made me make sure there were sweatpants or jeans immediately next to the bed for those midnight feedings and nightime emergencies. Although, sweats are more comfortable, jeans do a better job of concealing ( you just have to be careful zipping).
Because of this, I accidently found myself going commando when running kids to school in the morning. The clothing felt so comfortable at times that I would forget that I hadn't put on underwear in the morning. And, I have gone to work that way at least twice.(not planned) I do prefer and recommend underwear when not at home for some of the reasons others have mentioned.
It is a very compfortable feeling.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Penn
Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:15 AM
Ladies and gentlemen of this discussion board, I beg your pardon for offending anyone's sensibilities because I am about to get a little crude.

julie wrote:

"Men are the only ones who get skid marks... seriously... I have never in 35 years of life caused a skid mark nor known a female to do so. We are all mystified by how/why men do this. Wiping until CLEAN!!!"

Julie, what are you talking about? You can wipe yourself bloody and still miss a spot; it's not like you can see back there. It happens to the best of us. This prompts two questions: (1) are you inspecting yourself in the mirror to be sure and (2) are you inspecting other women's underwear? I'm not sure I want to know the answer to either question. To say this only happens to men is the same as saying women don't fart. Please, let's be fair here.
Again, sorry to be so crude.

@ moon-I agree: to force individuals committing such petty offenses to register as sex offenders is ridiculous. It seems to me that in its effort to stop blaming or ignoring victims of sex crimes, the justice system has gone the other way. I am glad that the people who were truly victimized have a better chance of getting justice but I don't want it to turn into a witch hunt.
Comment: #28
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:28 AM
Re: julie

I don't know where Julie gets her information. But women most certainly do get skid marks. Sometimes, as Julie says, its and issue of not wiping well. But there are other times that it is just inevitable unless you use a washcloth, water and soap everytime you use the tiolet. Also normal, healthy women have vaginal leakage all the time. This is normal. Now when it gets excessive that might indicate an infection or some sort or another type of problem. By the way, Why is no one asking what this mother was doing washing laundry for her adult 19 year old daughter who has been living independently for the last year. Mom sounds like an overbearing worry wort. I am surprised she allowed her daughter to go off to college by herself. Let your kid grow up and make are own decisions. It's not the end of the world.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Tracy
Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:55 AM
While not wearing panties won't kill her, wearing a tampon all the time can. I nearly died from toxic shock from tampon use in high school. I was in the ICU 2 weeks, sick for over a month. And I only used them during my period! Granted, mine was misdiagnosed as the flu for 3 days, but it's still a very, very serious illness.

Avalinne, do you think women should not be allowed to be urologists? Should cardiac specialists only see patients of their own gender? PATRIARCHY, are you serious? What about OB's, is having had a baby a prerequisite? Get a brain, lady.
Comment: #30
Posted by: farrar sanchez
Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:25 AM
LW1 - Oh God, is this going to start a slew of follow-up letters in the column talking about wearing undies vs. not, like the cabinet doors, stolen food, throat clicking, etc.? I sure hope not.

LW2 - There has to be some sort of compromise here. I disagree with the Annies that "Putting up with the in-laws at family gatherings is part of marriage." Since when should in-laws get to dictate how everyone else spends their holidays? LW2 and her husband aren't children anymore.

Part of marriage is getting to start your OWN traditions as husband and wife if you want. Let everyone else be offended - it's YOUR marriage, together, and if these decisions are one-sided because hubby's insisting it be done his way then that is a problem.

I have Asperger's and being in a crowded house of people during a holiday gathering is like having someone use a cheese grater on every one of my senses. I've lost count of how many times I've hid somewhere else, or retreated to the den to watch football with the guys - and I hate football. But the men were at least quiet during the game!

DH and I are creating different traditions entirely this year due to circumstances that have come up. Honestly there are times I think my parents had it right when they moved to the other end of the country away from their relatives.

LW3 - There is no debate here and there is no making up letters like this one. I have a friend who had to register as a sex offender for five years because two women flipped out over his taking a whizz outdoors. His probationary period was nothing short of humiliating due to the demands they made. I still question whether his civil rights didn't get violated.

I've since concluded from this and other things I've witnessed that my state's court system has gone cuckoo. As a survivor whose perps never got brought to justice, I fully appreciate that people are cracking down on sex offenders. But it does us no good when the pendulum swings so far the other way that people who are otherwise innocent are getting branded for years, or for life, as something that technically, they're not.
Comment: #31
Posted by: PS
Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:49 PM
RE: the guy that is now a registered sex offender for peeing in his backyard - It seems to me that there is a complete disconnect between the people that make the laws and the people that have to follow the laws. If a judge was put on the offender list because he locked himself (or even better, HERself) out of the house and had to pee in the back yard, would that possibly change their minds about the way they currently do things?

So, what does it take to make the government stop doing this to people? What can we do to change this, to make them list only the real offenders? Where do we start?
Comment: #32
Posted by: Lisa
Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:23 PM


While in college, especially the last semester, sleep was precious to me. I had terrible trouble getting to sleep and then staying asleep. One night after tossing and turning for several hours, I finally fell into a good sleep. I awoke to the sound of water hitting the wall where the head of my bed was. I could hear it rolling noisily down and I covered my head and felt my hair for wetness and since it wasn't raining and there weren't any pipes above my bedroom in the apartment above. I was on the second floor and I couldn't figure out what was happening. After stumbling around my bedroom while naked (I lived alone), tripping over piles of textbooks and papers, I finally made it to the window to look out, but the pisser had already hightailed it out of there because I was also screaming bloody murder, thinking someone was in my apartment peeing on me. A neighbor called police because all my windows were open and I have healthy lungs.

The officer who showed up was nice enough, but since no one was bleeding, on fire or dead, he looked at the wet stream going down the roof and then left.

My window above my bed was open (it was 85 degrees in July, even at midnight) and a guy had gone out on the fire escape and peed on the roof and wall next to my apartment.

The stink of his urine was coming through the window (nothing smells as bad as guy pee) and two things occurred to me:

1. Someone could have come through my window from the roof of the stairwell next to my apartment, by climbing out onto the fire escape and then taking two steps over to my window. A flimsy screen and bargain mini blinds would not have impeded them in the least. That window remained locked until I moved out.

2. This guy was a dead man if I ever figured out who he was that night.

I figured out that it was the apartment across the hall from me. Four guys living in a one bedroom, one bath and their toilet was broken. All they ate was fried chicken and beer. Since I had given notice that I was leaving already, the super refused to throw them out.

As enraged as I was that night, I don't think even if the jerk-off was caught, he didn't deserve to be labeled a sex offender. If there is a legal/criminal label like, scummy pig, I would say okay. But not sex offender.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Chelle
Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:07 PM
Ok I have to do a bit of a rant here because holidays with family strike a bit of a nerve with me.

<rant>
LW2 should count herself lucky that she even GETS the time off. I have to deal with a sad wife every year, because my wife is a retail worker and is blacked out from taking PTO during ANY major holiday period, which includes the entire six weeks from the weekend before Thanksgiving through the weekend after New Years. So we can never visit her home state to see any of her relatives during the holidays. I do my best to make them nice for her, and my family is local so we can see them for evening meal periods, but she still cries sometimes. And seniority don't mean squat, btw...she's been with the company for nearly 10 years now and is still blacked out from the time...you'd think they would allow her at least ONE opportunity, but nope...they were even rather upset with her when her dad died the last week of August a few years back and she had to go back for the funeral on the Sunday of Labor day weekend, 2000 miles away...her manager at the time actually had the nerve to ask her if she could reschedule or come back for part of the holiday weekend.
</rant>

That said, I agree some compromising is in order...taking turns figuring out holiday plans is a great idea. She chooses one year, and he chooses the next. If he's adamant, he can go see his family on his own and she can have fun at home alone or with other people she cares about.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Paul W
Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:30 PM
I peeked through the comments and didn't notice this mentioned about the panties, so I thought I'd put in my 2 cents. When a woman does certain "grooming", the elastic from a pair of panties can REALLY irritate the skin, causing razor rash. Red bumps are not attractive at all.
Also, if you clean yourself well after using the restroom, natural leakage doesn't cause a problem. I've been panty free for over 15 years, and it isn't an issue. Even when menstruating, panties are only required the first day or two, when things can be unexpected. And since razor rash isn't an issue at that time (grooming is not on my mind then) there are no worries.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Lady
Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:29 PM
When my husband and I had been married about 5 years, I told him that I was tired of not waking up in my own house on Christmas morning. When we lived close to my parents, we went to his, and when we were living in the same town with his, we went to mine. So, we started staying home at Christmas. Sure, it ruffled a few feathers, but they got over it. By the time we had our son, the tradition was set. The one time we didn't stay at home, about 10 years ago, my son said that it didn't seem like Christmas to him.

My son got married this year and I'm going to encourage him and my new DIL to spend Christmas morning at their own place if they want to. If they want to visit family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day afternoon (which is always a let-down anyway), then that's fine.

We always spent every holiday with my father's family while I was growing up. I don't think I realized I had a second grandmother until I was about 8. His reasoning, from their first year, was that his parents were "old and probably wouldn't be there next year." They got married in '46, my grandfather died in '69, and my grandmother in '70. Now, my mother complains that nobody comes to her house for Christmas, but she never started any traditions to come for.
Comment: #36
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:52 PM
Re: Wilma
Oh God - I shouldn't be laughing because the poor guy must have been going through hell, not only with the physical pain but qwith the embarassment, but... I wouldn't have laughed watching it happen, but just hearing about it long after everything is set right, well... :-)))))))
Comment: #37
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:07 PM
Re: cead
Actually, women started wearing underwear as a fashion item at the court of France and the nobles (all the way up to the King) were HYSTERICAL - hey, all of sudden, they couldn't just flip the woman's skirts and thump her.
Comment: #38
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:12 PM
Re: LibraryKat
"Julie, what are you talking about? You can wipe yourself bloody and still miss a spot; it's not like you can see back there"... I keep a water bottle full next to the toilet so I can splash some after I've wiped what looks like all of it - and it rarely is. Washing with water and liquid soap every time makes sure there will be no skid marks and no smell.

God - the things we talk about in this place. Now we're exchanging tips on how to wipe our behind (LOL)!
Comment: #39
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:53 PM
Re: Paul W
Paul, I cannot help but wonder whar's wrong with this picture that your wife cannot find another job somewhere where she won't be treated like she was bought on the slave block. This situation is ridiculous.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Oct 27, 2010 8:01 PM
Re: Lise Brouillette. I used to work in retail myself, and Paul's situation is not uncommon. It's particularly so if you work for a retailer that sells any kind of "fun" items - toys, sporting goods, gifts, scented candles, that sort of thing. (Of course, even the grocery and drug stores get busy at that time of year.) It's a sad situation, but I doubt his wife can just up and quit her job in this economy.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Matt
Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:28 AM
LW2 Holiday Blues We used to take turns between going to my folks and staying home and having them come for holidays. We never went to my husband's family for holidays because of the distance and time. It was kind of sad when my mother announced she would no longer be doing holiday dinners because she just wasn't up to it anymore. We now miss them both, one kid lives too far away himself, one we have to take turns with her in-laws. The point is, we have to be flexible, life changes. Enjoy whatever stage your life is in.
LW3 Small Town There really needs to be a set guideline, I guess for who or what is a sex offender. I knew a teenage girl raped by an adult neighbor (not another teen or anyone she was dating or involved with) who broke into her house when the mom worked nights. Her little sister shared her room and was a witness, the guy had a knife and threatened them both. The judge gave him a short sentence for breaking into the house and PROBATION for the rape because the girl did not get an abortion because of her religion. (The judge actually said if it were rape she would have gotten an abortion no matter what her religous beliefs.) I don't know if he was even put on the sex offender list, but if it was up to that judge, I doubt it. On the flip side, I sent a little boy (1st grade) to the principal for mooning another kid in the bathroom and she wrote it up as a sex offence and put it in the kid's permanent school record. Fortunately, when he is an adult, he will leave that record behind, but it would follow him until high school.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Elizabeth
Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:11 AM
Maybe LW1 just wanted to do her kid a favor. Or maybe she just grabbed her daughter's laundry out of habit. Maybe the daughter asked. There's nothing in the letter about the daughter being lazy and not contributing, so let's not jump to conclusions.
Comment: #43
Posted by: Candi Anne
Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:12 PM
Melissa - I don't think stepping outside to pee is odd at all. The letter writer said it was during a party. It stands to reason that there was a line for the bathroom and he couldn't wait for his turn, especially if he had been drinking, alcohol being a diuretic and all. I doubt he was intentionally exposing himself to the child. It's much more likely that he was too drunk to notice the kid. He's not a predator, just foolish. I can believe his story. Some people are so hysterical that they automatically equate anything that even remotely involves the genitals with sex, even something as obviously unsexy as drunk guy peeing in his mom's begonias. Not all states have reasonable criteria for their registries.
Comment: #44
Posted by: Lola
Thu Oct 28, 2010 12:41 PM
Re: Matt
Mind you, I can't even find a job - any job. In my part of the world, the minute you hit the big 5-0, it's like you suffer from a communicable disease.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:37 PM
Re: Lola
You're right 100%. I have used the men's bathrooms time and again in order to avoid that dreaded line-up. God forbid there whould be a minor using one of the stalls and the idea of a woman inside the closed cabin traumatises him! (LOL)
Comment: #46
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:40 PM
There is nothing wrong with going without underwear. I have been going without for about 20 years and have had no problems because of it. My wife used to wear underwear and gave them up because she kept getting boils on her vagina. Once she gave up underwear it allowed for more airflow which allows the bacteria to escape and she hasn't had a problem since. Many women have found that it is more healthy for them to go without underwear than to wear them.

There can be many reasons someone would choose to go without underwear. Comfort, health reasons, fashion, save money and sexual. There is nothing wrong with any of these choices and it isn't anyone else's business.

Now the tampons are a different story, if there is a risk of TSS then tampons are not a good choice. There are other options to tampons though. There is a product call "commandos". They are cotton patches that you can stick to the crotch of pants. They are really expensive though. I have also heard of other women that use pantyliners in their pants.

I know a lot about this because I have been running a forum for people that don't wear underwear for almost 10 years. Google "underwearless pantyless forum", it will be the 2nd result.

Also, I have never had a skid mark inside my jeans (unless from diarrhea), but I wipe very well.
Comment: #47
Posted by:
Fri Oct 29, 2010 6:25 PM
Re: Jason
Whatever floats one's boat... :-)
Comment: #48
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Oct 30, 2010 5:24 PM
Re: cead

Yep!! That is (partly) right. Underpants for women were "invented" in the mid-19th-century in the due course of upcoming feminism. Maybe there have been something like sleeping trousers before, but I hardly believe that.
I am a nudist girl living in Belgium, my mom being from Bury St. Edmunds, and she never wore any panties. And I was raised as a nudist girl, living naked most of the time, and I never wore panties. Meanwhile I am 18 and I am an all-day-going-commando girl. It must be from the fact that I am used to it and/or nudity, but I never had the problem of stainy spots in my pants or skirts. Being without panties does not arouse me, and thus I am not "wet"
Comment: #49
Posted by: Tiffany
Sat Nov 13, 2010 9:11 AM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Sep. `14
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
31 1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 1 2 3 4
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month