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I Spy Transcripts of My Wife's Infidelities

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Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 20 years. I was laid off recently for the second time. While reviewing our finances, I noticed that our cellphone usage had substantially increased. I asked my wife about it, and she explained that she was catching up with friends.

I normally do not look at her phone, but I decided to see who she was yakking with. It turns out she was calling and texting a former male co-worker. I then found a naked photo of the man on her phone. She tried to pass it off as a joke and then said he'd been drinking when he sent it. Additional investigation led me to discover there were plenty of late-night texts and calls, and that she was also sending intimate photos of herself to him.

I feel betrayed and cheated on. We have talked and are working through this situation. I want to ask my cellphone provider for transcripts of their texts just to see if there is more to the situation than she is admitting. Do you think this is a wise choice? — Feeling Cheated On

Dear Cheated On: No. If you find nothing, you still have to deal with the problem at hand. And if you discover more pictures or evidence of an affair, you will feel worse, and those words and images will stick in your head for a long time. Your wife has betrayed your trust, whether or not she slept with the guy. Please get counseling. A third party can help you find the best way to get past this.

Dear Annie: I once invited my 60-year-old next-door neighbor to swim in our pool. She then informed me that she would come over daily after dinner and didn't plan to phone first. As she put it, "It's not convenient to call every day."

I tried to tell her politely that the pool is visible from our living room and it is not appropriate for her to use it without our knowledge. We are concerned with our privacy and her safety, not to mention our liability should anything happen to her.

She was furious and stopped speaking to me.

I thought it was common sense and established social decorum that one should not swim in a neighbor's pool without an invitation. Am I correct? How do I mend our relationship? — Confused Pool Owner

Dear Confused: You are correct. Your neighbor doesn't understand boundaries and has limited social acumen. She also has a short fuse. We don't know why you want to mend fences with someone who apparently only values you for your swim facilities. If you apologize for upsetting her, she will expect to have complete access to the pool again. The best you can do is smile and say hello when you see her, and hope for the best.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to the letters about school lunches. I have been in the student nutrition profession for more than 20 years. Our school offers a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables every day, along with salads and meatless options. All of our pasta, rice, bread and pizza crusts are whole grain. We no longer have fries every day, and nothing is deep-fried. We even offer a grilled chicken sandwich.

People don't realize all the regulations we must follow to comply with the National School Lunch Program. Many districts don't have the money for fresh produce. We encourage the students to eat more fruits and vegetables, but if they don't have them at home, it is a struggle. We need the help of parents. The public rarely hears the positive side. Please help us out. — Proud "Lunch Lady" from Minnesota

Dear Minnesota: Consider it done. It's good to know that some schools are doing their best to provide healthy choices for our kids.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

62 Comments | Post Comment
Every one of these letters ends with you suggesting counseling. Are you really unaware of how few people can afford counseling? Alll the low cost clinics have closed. Counseling is for the rich.
Sorry but thats the truth.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Monti
Thu Sep 8, 2011 9:38 PM
LW1- Whether or not your wife is remorseful for betraying you is more important than the transcripts of her texts. If she is remorseful,couples counseling can help. If she resumes contact with the other man,kick her out and get a divorce.


LW2- Don't try to placate your angry neighbor. You're better off not "mending the relationship" with someone so rude.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Michael
Thu Sep 8, 2011 10:05 PM
LW1 - I would be inclined to suggest that you DO check the phone records, if you're sure you can handle the truth. You may learn that she's been honest and come clean with you (since being caught in the first round of lies). Or you may find out that the relationship with her "boy toy" has gone far beyond texting and flirting. Checking the records will give you the data you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue in the marriage. And you never know. It may also give you legal proof of her infidelity in case push comes to shove in a divorce case, and you end up in a struggle over the assets of your shared estate, which can happen in situations like this. She's already shown that she's not trustworthy, so "trusting" her on principle would be of questionable value.


LW2 - your neighbor is either a bit unbalanced, or is an obnoxious, bullying nut who's accustomed to getting her way. Either way, her behaviors are her problem. Don't let them become yours. I know it's hard to have what seemed a cordial "neighborly" relationship go sour, and you may be longing for the closure of a nice talk that could sort it all out, but it sounds like it may not be in the cards. Forget about it and move on, don't seek out her company, and count your blessings that she is not speaking to you.
Comment: #3
Posted by: sarah morrow
Thu Sep 8, 2011 10:16 PM
Re: Monti

You're right. Some people can't even afford the gas to get there. Not everyone understands how living hand to mouth really works.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Twee
Thu Sep 8, 2011 10:20 PM
LW1:
Get the transcripts, they are called evidence, you'll need them when you get divorced, and this should be a big help. Skip seeing the shrink, and spend that money on getting a lawyer, your going to need it.
LW2:
Have you lost your damn mind ????? Why the hell do you want to mend fences with this woman ???? She feels entitled to use your pool, on your property, and to do so, without ever telling you or asking your permission, and regardless of what you may be doing.
If you decide to have guests over, what, they're going to have to see a 60 year old lady in a bathing suit ???? Count your blessings, and move on.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Mookster
Thu Sep 8, 2011 11:43 PM
Monti's right. Self-help books cost far less, and are more accommodating of your free time. And, you don't have to worry about interviewing therapists to find one who is the right fit.
Comment: #6
Posted by: FAW
Fri Sep 9, 2011 1:49 AM
LW1 - Did the Annie's bother to even read the letter?? IF you find nothing...whether or NOT she slept with the guy?? She has sent numerous intimate photos of herself to this guy! Trust me...they're sleeping together! A man and a woman who share tons of late night phone calls and texts with each other and send naked pics of each other aren't "just friends." Yes, you SHOULD get the text transcripts. You'll need them if you decide to divorce her. The courts don't usually give a lot to someone who commits adultry. And I agree with Mookster...save the money from the counselor and use it on a divorce attorney. She sounds like she has no remorse and will not stop seeing this guy.

LW2 - Why do you want to mend this friendship? She is obvioulsy a spoiled brat who throws a tantrum every time she doesn't get her own way. Be glad she's not speaking to you. Then you don't have to see her in your pool every night uninvited.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Michelle
Fri Sep 9, 2011 3:26 AM
LW1 - Totally agree with Sarah morrow on this one. LW needs to check the transcripts and if she has betrayed his trust and there is no saving the marriage, then he would need these transcripts for legal purposes. Not all, but some women are out to get every penny in divorce cases.
LW2 - Again, agree with Sarah. This woman is soooo bold, a bully and does not respect ones privacy. Also, LW can't wait for an accident to happen, then she sues.
LW3 - I can see where the LW concern is as for the students and their eating habits. I always thot that everything begins at home from an early age, whether it be good manners, good eating habits, respect, cleaniness, prejudice (not), and so on. And for some, that works out for a while until the kids are with their peers, then things, attitudes, change. I worked at a high school in N.Y., one of my jobs was cafeteria duty for 3 lunch periods. I saw it all. Fresh fruit and veggies were offered, the kids chose the comfort foods - hamburgers, pizza, hotdogs, etc. Students who brought bagged lunches, which mom most likely packed, had nice looking fruit. Did they eat it? No, they tossed it into the garbage at the end of lunch period. And some students, tossed the whole lunch bag in the garbage, bought pizza and other comfort foods. It was sad to witness this. Good luck LW, I hope this new menu is a success.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Gwen
Fri Sep 9, 2011 3:47 AM
LW1: I understand why the Annies want him to drop this, because they are trying to give the reconciliation the best chance of succeeding, and if he does find something, that will obviously be a problem. However, since his wife has already lied to him once about this, his worries about "what else hasn't she told me" will continue. The damage has already been done to this marriage, better to get the *whole* truth so he can then make an informed decision about how to proceed. If the wife has still been lying about some of the details of her infidelity, any reconciliation will be a false reconciliation anyway, since it won't be based on honesty and trust. If he doesn't find anything in the transcripts, it might actually help to begin regaining some trust in her.

LW2: The neighbor is way out of line, you have nothing to apologize for, you shouldn't even act remotely apologetic so that you don't give the neighbor the wrong impression. If your neighborly relationship has become chilly, so be it. Far better than to not have the invasion of privacy issues or liability issues that would result in her random, unlimited, unannounced access to your yard.

LW3: Hopefully more and more schools can act as yours does. The chances of developing long-term health problems can be substantially reduced by a healthier diet, in both children and adults.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Sep 9, 2011 3:58 AM
LW1--"I want to ask my cellphone provider for transcripts of their texts just to see if there is more to the situation than she is admitting. Do you think this is a wise choice?" Absolutely not. I think it's pretty obvious that your wife has been cheating with her former coworker. Do you really need a blow by blow of their pillow talk? If you truly love your wife and the two of you are committed to reconciling your marriage, then do yourself a favor and begin to focus all of your energies on the healing process (which, I hope, is to include copious amounts of marriage counseling.) Trust me, if you dig deeper into this sordid affair and read word for word the exchanges between your wife and her lover, then you will resent or even hate her and worse, you'll never be able to trust your wife again. Ever.

LW2--"I thought it was common sense and established social decorum that one should not swim in a neighbor's pool without an invitation." You are correct. It was beyond rude and presumptuous for your neighbor to assume, after one dip in your pool, that she could have free access anytime she wished. No good deed goes unpunished. Your neighbor has done you a favor by storming off in a huff and refusing to speak to you. If the subject should come up again, simply inform your neighbor that upon checking with your home owners insurance and your attorney, you were advised against allowing neighbors to use the pool without your knowledge. Then talk about the weather.

LW3--"People don't realize all the regulations we must follow to comply with the National School Lunch Program." And yet childhood obesity continues to rise. Statistics indicate that childhood obesity has more than tripled in the past 30 years. Obesity is the result of caloric imbalance (too few calories expended for the amount of calories consumed) and is mediated by genetic, behavioral, and environmental factors. The logical conclusion is that kids today are simply too sedentary. Either they're sitting in front of an idiot box of one form or another all day, or they're otherwise not being allowed out to play for myriad reasons. It's sad considering health care costs are on the rise and coverage is diminishing. Obese youth are more likely to have risk factors for cardiovascular disease, such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure; they're also more prone to musculoskeletal disorders, and diabetes. What will the strain on your health care system be like in 20 years if we, as a society, don't get this under control?
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Fri Sep 9, 2011 3:58 AM
LW2 - "It'a not convenient to call"?? And how "convenient" is it to accommodate unexpected guests at the drop of a hat, pool or no pool?

Don't worry about your neighbor...but do put a barbed wire fence (or simply a high fence with an outward graded top) and a locked gate around the pool if you have to, to keep her out.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Paul W
Fri Sep 9, 2011 5:10 AM
LW1: nude/intimate photos; a relationship behind your back; her not being honest; she's a dishonest cheater. No way I could ever trust her again. Time for a divorce. If not now, it'll just be postponing the inevitable. There are plenty of women who would appreciate you. She's not the one. She's not to be trusted ever again. And how could anyone have true love and a real marriage without trust.



Comment: #12
Posted by: Dave Galino
Fri Sep 9, 2011 5:15 AM
For LW1, I'd assume his wife was sleeping with the guy, and then from that assumption, decide what to do next. As others have said, if she won't cut out ALL contact with the guy IMMEDIATELY, then the marriage is over. Regardless of what he might be willing to forgive and move on from, he can't do it unless she wants to.
As for the transcripts, they won't provide any new information (he can assume they're having a physical affair), and they unlikely to make any difference in a divorce proceeding. Most states have no-fault divorce laws--the assets are divided between the two parties, regardless of whose "fault" it might have been. "Proving" adultery is besides the point. That wasn't the case before "no fault"---but it is now. Likewise, if there are children involved, parental rights aren't changed by someone having cheated during the marriage.
Comment: #13
Posted by: bethohio3
Fri Sep 9, 2011 5:43 AM
LW1: In my experiences and from observations, there are three different types of cheaters.

1. The chronic cheater: these people will never stop cheating even after being caught unless they have extensive behacioural therapy. They may stop temporariy, but will slip back into cheating when they feel it is safe to do so because they are addicted to the chase and romance of an affair.

2. The true love cheater. These people cheat because they meet their "soul mate" in one capacity or another and they can't stay away from them. These peoplle often divorce their spouses and remarry the affairee and the falout is pretty significant.

3. The unhappy cheater: These people cheat because they are desperately unhappy in their marriages and in their ives. They cheat because they need to feel love again, they are reaching out for happiness and usually the affair just makes them more unhappy so they do what they can to get caught. They do this because they are trying to send a signal to their spouse that they need to work on the marriage. When these people get caught, they can work through the problems with counseling and extensive work on the marriage to get to why they were unhappy in the first place.

The LW's wife is most likely type 3. Her husband has been laid off twice, they probably have money problems (who doesn't right now?) and he's also likely spending all day focusing on this affair. That being said, he needs to rule out if she is type one or two as well. Is this the only affair? If not, then don't waste the money on counseling, look into divorce. If this is a one off affair (no pun intended), look into if there is a significant connection between these two. are they truly in love or friends with benefits (for the record, you don't have to have intercourse to cheat. Sometimes head affairs are just as damaging as physical ones). If there is a significant connection, I would probably forego counseling there as well. If she is doing this because she's unhappy with their marriage, I would then look into counseling.

PS: While I agree with Monti that free/low cost counseling is very hard to come by now, there are other options for people who are desperate. For example, in the instance of LW1, if they belong to a church, most churches have informal counseling for couples in crisis. At my church, they have a formal program for couples who are having problems with infidelity. This incudes counseling with a spiritual advisor and also a "buddy" system where both the cheater and the cheated on are paired with a couple that successfully got through a marital infidelity. All of this is provided free of cost to the couple. We have a fairly high success rate because, repeat serial cheaters are not tolerated (if the affair continues, divorce is recommended and the repeat offender is not welcome at the church). In the ten years I've gone to the church, I've only seen this happen one time.
Comment: #14
Posted by: nanchan
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:00 AM
LW2: I'm not trying to defend the neighbor, but I wonder if her strong reaction was based on embarrasment. She may have misunderstood the LW's intentions and assumed she had full reign of the pool. It was a stupid presumption, don't get me wrong, but it would explain why she's ignoring the LW.

or she's just a selfish lady who is mad she lost her free pool.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Casey
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:18 AM
Groan -- not ANOTHER letter about a marriage gone wrong through adultery!

Now, we have a woman who believes -- and has no guts to tell her husband to his face -- that since his layoff, is no longer the breadwinner and thus can give him what she wants; perhaps he's gained weight and starting to bald (after being her Denzel Washington or Robert Redford for years). Maybe he's helped out around the house, but she doesn't think he does enough. And on and on.

So she turns to the arms of another man, whom she probably met online or during a drunken rout at the bar, and decided he could give her what she wanted. In essence, about what nanchan said -- an "unhappy" cheater.

Really, it's no different than the man who traded a 47-year marriage for a woman 30-40 years younger than he is because he no longer desired his wife. (I won't reiterate that one, but it's similar: the man was the "unhappy" cheater, albeit for different reasons.)

If you want to believe I'm some mysogynist who "always blames the woman," you're going to anyway. But I'm going to make this abundantly clear right now: I blame the straying spouse (husband or wife) that decides to have the affair, no matter the reason but especially if they find the spouse no longer attractive. You can't turn back time (gee, why did somebody need to remind me of that), so you can adust your priorities and desires or not have sex. Simple as that. Doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.

And whatever happened to "for better or for worse?" Sounds like the man is going through his "worst" situation (being laid off for a second time), and he found no support from his wife.

I'd definitely talk to an attorney and see if getting the cell phone records is a wise idea -- it may reveal nothing or provide the essential piece of evidence needed to prove adultery. Any decisions need to go from there.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:29 AM
Re: nanchan

Regarding the "unhappy cheater," where you say that a spouse might cheat as a way of telling his/her spouse that they need to work on the marriage -- I just want to be sure that this applies to both genders. (I believe you do, but just for confirmation, thanks! No harm, no foul.)
Comment: #17
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:32 AM
LW2: Call the police next time and press charges if she comes to your pool again. Sometimes, even the threat of legal action is all that's needed to curb her using your pool without your permission. (Besides, has she been told about swimming pools that might be available at the local gym?)

LW3: Understand the need for better nutrition and education about good dietary choices. MY concern, however, is that foods such as cookies and Twinkies aren't a "sometimes" food ... they're a NEVER food. They have become poison that, even if eaten one time, will surely lead to obesity. That's the perception I get from all these efforts.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:36 AM
Re: Bobaloo

yes. al three for for both genders that is why I wrote they instead of him/her. if you read my post competely you can see this.
Comment: #19
Posted by: nanchan
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:39 AM
Regarding the Annie's response to LW1, we all need to understand that NOBODY needs to "get passed" anything; *you* need to get THROUGH it. Getting 'passed' something doesn't deal with the issue at hand...that just ignores the problem, skirts the issue, if you will...but getting 'through' it will. Regarding LW3 - Why serve the "comfort foods" in the first place?! We didn't have choices in school ~ never even thought about it ~ but we did have excellent, and excellent tasting, nutritious lunches. We didn't need choices. You either ate "what was put before you"...just like you did at home...or you did without. Where are the parents in this *food and what's to eat* issue? Doesn't make much sense, to me anyway.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Ms Davie
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:44 AM
Yesterday my younger son came to me and asked if he could have a few extra dollars added to his account at the middle school cafeteria. It seems that he's "still hungry" after lunch. And what does he want to spend the extra lunch money on? Oh, a bag of chips or maybe an extra chocolate milk because the one little chocolate milk isn't enough and he's still thirsty (probably after all those chips!).

I told him that if he had said he wanted extra money for, say, grapes or a banana, or an extra bottle of water, I would have considered it. But under no circumstances am I going to fund his junk food habit when I know that school provides a perfectly well balanced (and more than ample) lunch every day for my more-than-ample little boy.

The people who manage the school cafeterias have their hands full and I think they do a great job. But they are fighting a losing battle unless we parents step up and teach our children about better nutrition! I say good for them!
Comment: #21
Posted by: Cher
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:56 AM
Cell phone companies cannot give a transcript of the texts. They are kept on the phone. Either in the phone's memory or on the memory card in the phone. The only thing that the cell phone company can provide is the date, time and number the texts are being sent to and from.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Kim
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:57 AM
Regarding LW1, right now, I get the sense that he's leaning towards reconciliation, so I don't think BTL comments about getting a divorce would be helpful -- I just don't sense that he's ready for that step, no matter how obvious an option that might seem to some of us.

It's part of the reason why I think the transcripts might actually help -- either to confirm his worst fears and recognize that his wife still isn't being honest with him, which could allow him to get the courage to end the marriage, or else he'll find no new reason to doubt his wife's story, which may give the reconciliation a real chance.

Right now, though, with uncertainty and doubt gnawing away at him, any reconciliation seems unlikely and he doesn't seem ready to divorce, so the situation just drags on ad infinitum unless something changes.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Sep 9, 2011 7:00 AM
LW1 - What's it going to take? Does she need to crap on your head? It's over. It is seriously over. She's playing you big time. What else do you need to see? If you can't deal with a cheating spouse then you need to move because you have a cheating spouse. I know you're looking for that last piece of proof before you end this charade but you've got all you need.


LW2 - One less miscreant for you to deal with. Well done. Enjoy your pool!!


LW3 - Kids learn to eat at home. Fat kids are fat because of what they learn, eat and do (or don't do) at home. Thanks for trying but these kids have adults in their lives who need to step up to the plate. When I was a kid we burned a lot of calories walking barefoot, 5 miles, in the snow, up hill . . . . . ..
Comment: #24
Posted by: Rick
Fri Sep 9, 2011 7:06 AM
Re: Cher - Thank you!! I mean that. A mom who can say "no". I love it.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Rick
Fri Sep 9, 2011 7:09 AM
Re: Rick -- Thanks buddy! Actually you should see my son (I call him my Little Butterball of Happiness) -- I should have started saying "no" a LONG time ago! But... better late than never, and I don't want to condemn him to a lifetime of hardship because his mother loved him with food. He's only 11 so there's still time!

Thanks for the support! I WILL be strong!
Comment: #26
Posted by: Cher
Fri Sep 9, 2011 7:33 AM
LW1 : Do not listen to the Annie's. Get those transcripts and copies of the photos if you can. If you divorce your wife, that proves that she was the one who destroyed the marriage and her chances of getting alimony, the house, etc, aren't that great. My boyfriend went through the same things. Four years ago, he discovered that his wife was having an affair. LIke yours, she lied about phone calls and texting and said the guy was "just a friend." He got copies of the texts (and her emails too) which proved she was sleeping with him. Well, she tried to take him for everything and all he had to do was show that proof and she got nothing. The judge told her that SHE was the one who dissolved the marriage by commiting adultry and therefore wasn't getting any alimony, wasn't getting full custody (they have shared...she tried to keep the kids from him), etc, because it was her fault.

And if you can believe it, she STILL lied to the judge and everyone about "just a friend," even though she wrote in many texts that she loved "f---ing his brains out" last night. She said it was "just a joke" and didn't really happen. Cover your ground and get those transcripts!

LW3 - My aunt is a "lunch lady" and she said the lunches aren't as healthy as they claim. She said they put a ton of butter and salt on all of the vegetables because "that's the only way the kids will eat them." Are green beans really all that much healthier than french fries if they've got half a stick of butter on them along with tablespoons of salt?
Comment: #27
Posted by: Little Cookie
Fri Sep 9, 2011 7:57 AM
LW1: Couple of things that, and I didn't read the comments so bear with me, should be mentioned. The cell phone company will not give out phone records without a subpoena, even if it is your account or you are on the account. This kind of behaviour doesn't just start over night and for no good reason. I hate how spouses "feel betrayed" when their s/o starts looking to others for some kind of support and affection. I bet your WIFE felt betrayed LONG before she started texting this guy (what have you done for your wife and marriage lately?). Affairs, especially ones that are not physical, are probably the most telling of a marriage that is in trouble. Sex is just sex, a physical attraction, but her need for intimacy and to feel cared for is being take care of by a man on the other end of a CELL PHONE. Where have you been?
Before people jump on me, I'm not saying she's in the right. I'm saying that very rarely do marriages fall apart based only on the actions of one person.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Capt. Obvious
Fri Sep 9, 2011 8:20 AM
LW3--"People don't realize all the regulations we must follow to comply with the National School Lunch Program." And yet childhood obesity continues to rise. Statistics indicate that childhood obesity has more than tripled in the past 30 years. Obesity is the result of caloric imbalance (too few calories expended for the amount of calories consumed) and is mediated by genetic, behavioral, and environmental factors. The logical conclusion is that kids today are simply too sedentary. Either they're sitting in front of an idiot box of one form or another all day, or they're otherwise not being allowed out to play for myriad reasons. It's sad considering health care costs are on the rise and coverage is diminishing. Obese youth are more likely to have risk factors for cardiovascular disease, such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure; they're also more prone to musculoskeletal disorders, and diabetes. What will the strain on your health care system be like in 20 years if we, as a society, don't get this under control?

There's really no mystery about rising obesity rates. Children spend hours in schools and "expensive" activities like dance, sports, and recess have been eliminated from many schools. As for the proud lunch lady--school lunches are, by and large, a disgrace and have been ever since they were used to create a captive market for certain industries. Fresh fruit, lean meat, fresh vegetables are the exception, not the rule. Doesn't anyone remember Regan declaring that "ketchup is a vegetable?" That was in order to make condiments take the place of real vegetables. Many schools don't have on campus kitchens or the money to pay real cooks, or to buy their own ingredients. Here in MA the Boston Public Schools ended up outsourcing their food production to an international corporation which has zero interest in good nutrition for the kids but which, because of its cost cutting procedures, beat out local sources of food production and service which would have been more responsive to the students needs.

With both parents working, in most cases, there are few people to supervise children's after school activities and playground time. Middle class kids still get out and excercise but working class kids simply can't--the parks aren't safe, there are few free sports activities, even the old neighborhood walk isn't considered safe.

We could fix this problem in a heartbeat if we emulated Finland's nation wide nutritional education program which included all kinds of things we don't want to pay for and are suspicious of as infringing on personal freedom: nutritional programs aimed at the health of the child and family instead of placating the sugar or corn industry, free health care, intensive work to create healthy activities for everyone on site at schools, hospitals, and work places. This stuff simply costs money and pays off in good health for everyone. So why don't we do it?

aimai
Comment: #29
Posted by: aimai
Fri Sep 9, 2011 8:31 AM
@Capt Obvious, I don't see anything in the letter that suggests the LW is anywhere near as neglectful as you mention. I disagree that the wife cheated because LW did something wrong. Sure, that MAY be the case but it's far from certain. I don't really like "blaming the victim" here, especially without anything to indicate that it's even a possibility. Yes, indeed, sometimes people cheat for no good reason at all, and let's not assume that the other partner HAD to have been doing something wrong in order to be cheated upon.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:02 AM
"Beginning with California in 1970, and spreading to all states (New York in 2010), no fault divorce laws were enacted.

In some states, in some very limited situations, infidelity can be a factor in determining the amount of maintenance the non-offending spouse pays to the partner who was unfaithful. However, many lawyers advise against using adultery as a ground for divorce even when it is the case. This is because it is very difficult to prove and often times marital misconduct is not considered as much as it used to be."

Evidence or not, it may not matter. Some states, like Colorado, wont let you claim adultery.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Kelle
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:16 AM
@Aimai - We have disagreed much in the past, but at least today I can see where you are coming from. My only concern with spending money (I assume you mean at a federal level) is that the nation is broke. We don't really have money to pour into anything right now without some major cutting. One thing we could cut is subsidies to various commodities (tobacco, ethanol, etc.).

Back to your main issue, what do you suggest as a way to get folks motivated to live healthier lifestyles? I understand targeting children now with after school programs, healthier meals at school (although I liked the junk they served; I really miss the steak subs), and education. This is practical, but yet what about folks who are out of school. How do we help them to "see the light" toward health?

To me, it does come down to personal choice and you can't legislate (although constantly tried) that. I can honestly say that I am not sure what the right thing to do is. Freedom is an important thing, but in some circumstances it hurts others. I go back and forth. I don't want the government telling me how to live, but the burden that is placed on the health system by obese people is staggering. Perhaps there is a happy medium. I haven't found it.

Comment: #32
Posted by: Rob
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:40 AM
I must take exception to your reply to Confused Pool Owner. Privacy is the least of his/her concerns - liability is the issue at hand. The pool owner can be sued if the unboundaried neighbor is injured while using the pool. The best response in a situation like this is to explain that it is a safety issue and that the pool owner must be home and available to keep an eye on all swimmers.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Janet
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:46 AM
1. I can't imagine cell phone companies keep transcripts. Get in the real world, this isn't CSI.

2. Even if they did, do you think they just hand them out to whomever asks? The owner of the phone doesn't need them (they were there when the texts happened, remember?) and the only other persons who'd ever ask are suspicious spouses--as if the phone company has nothing better to do.

3. What's with this evidence thing? You don't need evidence to divorce someone. You just need a desire to divorce. And your property/alimony entitlement is based on things like income and the number and ages of your kids, not on how badly someone behaved. (At least that's the way in no-fault divorces, which I think is the case everywhere nowadays--if I'm wrong on that, someone please correct me.)
Comment: #34
Posted by: Jpp
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:51 AM
LW 1: You state you feel betrayed and cheated on. That is because you HAVE been betrayed and cheated on. I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I know when you are emotionally attached you can be convinced that "nothing was going on, it was all innocent, blah blah blah, etc." because you'd like to believe that. Don't be taken advantage of and keep your eyes and ears open. I wonder if the man is married? Sometimes technology sucks by making it too easy for this kind of junk to go on!
Comment: #35
Posted by: Janie
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:56 AM
Re: Kelle

Thank you for that. People on these message boards seem to think that all you need is "evidence" and then you take the offending spouse "to the cleaners".

Nothing could be more non-realistic or dangerous to believe when you are initiating divorce proceedings. First of all, the courts for the most part could care less if your spouse cheated on you, they care MORE about an environment for children (if you have them). This is RIGHT. If you can prove that your spouse has entered into a iving situation that is unsafe for a CHILD, then you can get custody and child support if you do get that custody. You may get spousal support if you can prove that you are unable to secure a living for yourself (you are a long term housewife in her 60s with no job skills, you have to stay home to homeschool the children, etc).

Going through my divorce I have had to reassess and downgrade my expectations of what the courts can and will give me. Even though in my situation, it's a no brainer (abuse, lack of communication with his child, etc... the victim list goes on), I have had to reaiize, this is what I can probably get, I can fight for it, I can spend months (indeed in my case years) fighting for it, or I can move on. I came to the conclusion that it was more important to move on.

Through that process I wasted thousands of dollars on legal fees, countless hours worrying, trying to communicate with someone who will not communicate, losing sleep, etc. when all the resources I needed were literally right at my fingertips (on the web) and under my nose (at the county courthouse).

In my opinion, unless you have children with custody/visitation issues (mine is now 19 so no longer relavent), extensive proporty and/or debts, or you have absolutely no ability to support yourself, you should just do a non-fault divorce and move on. I've seen SO MANY PEOPLE sit back and let the lawyers take their money based on unsubstantiated promises and unreaistic expectations and advice from "friends" that it's just plain old sad.

If you decide to divorce, do it with expectations based in reality and research and not on the advice of your friends.
Comment: #36
Posted by: nanchan
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:06 AM
Re: Jpp
Yes, you're wrong on that. Even in no fault states, a judge has the discretionary power to take bad behavior into account in the property settlement. So men especially with cheating wives need to have evidence so that they can get an unequal distribution of property. Otherwise, he'll be paying for a cheating wife and her boyfriend.
Comment: #37
Posted by: K
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:06 AM
LW1: You feel cheated on? Hmm, you were cheated on. Accept reality - kick the cheater to the curb. Problem solved.

LW2: Are you so desperate for friends you even want the unstable? Seek a good therapist.
Comment: #38
Posted by: Diana
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:16 AM
LW3: Yes, I am from MN and many of the school districts are similar. To quote"We ate what we were served" but to realize those foods were also full of fat and unnecessary calories of fillers. We had phyed and recess daily. We had to walk to school most of the time. If you could play outside in the minus cold winter, there was nothing keeping you from walking to school in the same cold. Bike riding, simple child play took place. No one worried about being snatched from your front yard. If you had a sidewalk, hopscotch was always drawn on it.
I came from a home which did gardening. Not in our backyard, but an acre here or there with others who had space. Our food was fresh and if you did not like it, you waited till the next meal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many school districts in MN have gone to gardening with their excess yard space--with ag classes in the school to simply staff deciding to do it--and kids are liking the idea--novelity to some. From fresh greens to fresh potatoes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Learned eating habits start at home when the child is a baby/toddler. Sugar/salt to the adult taste and feed the kids? Buy the latest beg for seen on TV? Run to the fast food drive through to get the latest toy with the food? One perk of living in a small town, we have BK and an ice cream based DQ. No other fast food places. BUt parents buy the junk in the grocery store. They don't even take the time to make their own cookies--which you know your ingredients--fresh at that. The basic fault for obese children is their caregiver--parent/grandparent, etc. I know when my kids would go to the grandma's a few blocks away, she would try to sneak all sorts of garbage food into my kids. I would stand my ground. My daycare parents told me they loved the foods I fed their children. Not only NEW things, but healthy thingg.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LW2: OH MY. You set yourself open for the biggest potential law suit cause if she had gotten hurt, she would have sued you, you would have had to do trespssing charges in order for the court to stand beside you. AND HEAVEN FORBID, if she had drown/died, the inquest and possible charges EVEN THO YOU'D BE INNOCENT, could make such a legal time frame last forever.
NOPE, your yard, wih invitation only. If you don't have the pool fenced in, you would be held libel for minors/children and issue.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:21 AM
Re: Monti
On the other hand, counselling may still be cheaper than divorce.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Jen
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:22 AM
Capt. Obvious.

You are completely wrong when you say that a telephone company will not give you your own phone records without a subpoena. They give you your records every month in that pesky bill they send you and if you ask, you and any person you authorize to have access to your account. A subpoena is required for a telephone company to release someone's records to third party.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Sep 9, 2011 10:37 AM
Re: Rob

Well, we spend a lot of money, one way or another--spending money on good nutrition and sports at the school level is a pretty good way to spend tax money. As salaries to local people it keeps money circulating at the local level. Every school nurse and sports teacher you pay both pays some of that back in taxes and can spend that money locally. Every kid you feed locally produced vegetables is also, essentially, paying local farm families to sell their products. Some things just are going to cost on a continous basis. We should try, as a people, to budget for those recurring costs just the same way we do as a family--when my kids have eaten breakfast on monday I don't act shocked that they need breakfast again on Wednesday.

Second of all, there are hidden cost savings in everything we do, as a society, to keep children happy, healthy, and well educated. We don't keep these amounts in one "bucket" in our heads because the way we think of time and taxes keeps them separate but of course every now and then someone comes out with a study showing that it costs as 30,000 per year to keep prisoners in prison. A very high proportion of people committing their first crimes (we're not talking about life long criminals, violent criminals, or sociopaths here) could probably have been kept out of prison if their mental health and general health needs were attended to early. It costs money to have hospital beds and nutritionists to deal kids and families in crisis over mental health or other health issues. But it costs more money to deal with it at the back end--as Chris observes--with treatements for end stages of diabetes or with prison.

I'm for ending subsidies to large corporations to do what they need to do to survive: for instance why pay Oil companies subsidies (tax credits, deferred taxes, outright rebates) to explore for oil? If its not economically viable for them and they don't anticipate making a profit at it they won't do it and they shouldn't do it. I'm for ending farm subsidies to large agri businesses and for subsidizing local family farms, educational and food initiatives locally. I'm also for ending subsidies and tax breaks for corporations that ship jobs oversease or that hide tax money overseas.

Of course like you, and like any American, I believe firmly in "personal responsibility" for adults and their health issues but when it comes to children I'mnot sure that we ought to have the right to sequester them in schools all day and not give them the very best start and the very best food that we can. I believe that an excellent, free, public and unbegrudged education for all our kids is necessary to our continued success as a country and necessary to make up for the fact that plenty of people become parents without having the wherewithal, financially or intellectually, to parent their own kids and educate those kids. Once you want to have an educated population a whole lot follows from that in terms of doing it right. In Judaism there's a notion that everything you do for g-d you should do as beautifully and as unbegrudgingly as possible. From the smallest to the biggest thing. I hate to see children given short shrift during their formative years when we know, or ought to know, that there is tons and tons and tons of money out there that gets frittered away on Congressional giveaways to large corporations. Because the kids don't vote, and don't have a reliable voting block and don't sponsor think tanks and post election sinecures.

aimai
Comment: #42
Posted by: aimai
Fri Sep 9, 2011 11:01 AM


No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,

WE ARE AWESOME !!!
OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!!
To Those of Us Born
1925 - 1970 :
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.. If you don't read anything else, please
read what he said.
Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank
while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then, after that trauma, we were
put to sleep on our tummies
in baby cribs covered
with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,
and, when we rode our bikes,
we had baseball caps,
not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.
WHY?
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
--And, we were OKAY..
We would spend hours building
our go-carts out of scraps
and then ride them down the hill,
only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were
no video games, no 150 channels on cable,
no video movies or DVDs,
no surround-sound or CDs,
no cell phones,
no personal computers,
no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS
and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut,
broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits
from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms, and mud pies
made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and
-although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts
and not everyone made the team..
Those who didn't had to learn
to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers, and inventors ever.
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of those born
between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~~~~~~~
The quote of the month
by
Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us......pass this on

Comment: #43
Posted by: Susan
Fri Sep 9, 2011 11:42 AM
Gwen - Welcome to the comments board. I like your input, please keep contributing.

LW2: You are absolutely in the right, as far as etiquette goes. Get confirmation from your insurance company on the legal liability issue, and put it in writing to her sent by registered post. Then get some fake dog-doo that floats, and place it in the pool. After that, wave and smile sweetly whenever you see her, but don't initiate any conversations.

.

Comment: #44
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:01 PM
Re: Susan,

I grew up in the 90s, and my parents regulated my tv and NES time. There was no computer until I was in high school and needed it for some school assignments, which was the only time I was allowed on it by the way. Before that, I had to use the type writer to type my essays. My parents were fond of throwing me out the house to play in the yard, and even though I might've cried about it at the time cause I wanted tv, I always ended up playing and having a good time outside five or ten minutes later. They were kind enough to not be so over-protective I was allowed to hop on my bike after school with no helmet and disappear until dark. I never did anything wrong or got (seriously) hurt... I just rode along the beaches all over town. My parents were awesome.

So I have to say to your letter, HECK YEAH!!! We could solve so many health and social problems by just pulling away from the media and getting active again.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Maria
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:05 PM
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Yeah, I'd be okay with taking it out.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Rick
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:33 PM
Re: Susan
Thanks for spamming the thread with your incoherent version of history. Interesting fact:

The Pledge of Allegiance of the United States is an oath of loyalty to the federal flag and the Republic of the United States of America, originally composed by Francis Bellamy in 1892 and formally adopted by Congress as the pledge in 1942. The Pledge has been modified four times since its composition, with the most recent change adding the words "under God" in 1954.

That is to say that we got along fine without *either* the Pledge of Allegiance or the phrase "Under God" through our revolutionary war, the civil war, the first world war and most of the second. "Under God" was added in 1954. Do you think maybe God didn't notice before? Or perhaps he/she/it/FSM doesn't really care?

But you just run this by Governor Perry of Texas. I believe his prayers for rain in Texas were granted--here on the East Coast. Again: God inattentive, indifferent, or not swayed by people shouting "Lord, Lord."

aimai
Comment: #47
Posted by: aimai
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:42 PM
I went through the same thing. Found out my wife was sending and reciceving pictures from her boss , she said that they never had intercourse but only oral sex. After I found out I went to his house and in front of his wife made him come clean. I told him that I would press charges if he ever sent another text to her. It was funny when I went to his house, he is some big shot kung foo guy by but he sure was a scared little boy that day.LOL.The guilt ate at my wife she went to the HR department where they work and made him tell what they had done. Now they are on probation. I also found out that he has sent pictures to other women that work from him. I thought about getting the phone records but decided against it because I would rather work on the future with my wife then worry about the past.
Comment: #48
Posted by: Rick
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:48 PM
Re: Susan

I shouldn't make fun of Susan, that cut 'n paste diatribe is so beyond stupid that she really must not have read it. Susan: I was born in 1960! Yay for me! I survived childhood. Guess who didn't? Well, kids who were given Asprin too early because we didn't know about Reyes syndrome, for one. Remember SIDS death? Fetal Alcohol syndrome? Do you have the faintest idea that there are people out there, scientists and doctors and concerned parents who have actually collected the data on the dangers of some of the practices you make fun of? That declining rates of childhood deaths didn't just happen?

Maybe people err too much on the side of caution these days. I can't really say. I am one of two kids who survived childhood out of three born to my mother. I've got two kids who I intend to raise to a happy and healthy and productive adulthood. I really don't have one to spare.

aimai
Comment: #49
Posted by: aimai
Fri Sep 9, 2011 12:50 PM
@ aimai: Thank you so much for your last post! You saved me the trouble of writing out my *exact* thoughts! But I'm still going to rant:

You want to be rewarded for not wearing a bike helmet or seat belt?? Those aren't exactly overreactions. They're life savers. I'm not real sure what the point of that spam was. “People now days are living more cautiously, because they know the risks involved with smoking and drinking during pregnancy? Parents don't want their children playing after dark because of the rise of kidnappings and molestations? What pansies!” Sure, kids are more coddled now, but the examples listed in that post were terrible. There's true danger involved, with say laying your infant on his stomach; how can you ignore that? What an ignorant post. I need a dose of Mike H's tolerance right now!
Comment: #50
Posted by: Casey
Fri Sep 9, 2011 1:16 PM
Re: aimai

Come on A, lighten up, I thought it was cute and funny, of course I read it, It didn't warrant a lecture on Reyes and SIDS. I remember when I could eat a chili cheese dog made with Velveeta and enjoy the hell out of it, and leave the house at 7am in the summer and show up to wolf some quick fuel down and return at 8pm, when the street lights came on. Never bored, no play dates, we entertained ourselves and didn't worry about getting molested or kidnapped. It happened, but, as today it was in miniscule amounts, the media has terrified parents. How many kids have or had Reyes out of the population, and how many got SIDS? Not many, not enough to equal the hysteria. My mother had five kids and Anacin (containing Aspirin) was like Windex in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", my mother thought it cured everything. All of a sudden, Aspirin would bring terror to the hearts of a Mom. Dumb and dumber most kids took it with no problem. sure we are smarter, but it not necessarily better, not when we're afraid to eat, play, and let out kids out of our sight for 30 seconds. Oh, the horror !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i
Comment: #51
Posted by: Susan
Fri Sep 9, 2011 1:38 PM
LW1:
If you can get the transcripts get them. if you can...you'll know if you need STD tests. If you can't get the transcripts, get tested. I'd forget all the warm fuzzies of reconciling and trust until I knew if she put your life in danger or not.
Comment: #52
Posted by: Jess
Fri Sep 9, 2011 2:05 PM
aimai, while I feel compelled to point out that there's no such thing as "free" health care or "free" education - money is being taken from people who earn it in order to pay for these things - I agree that the subsidies are way out of control. Also aid to other nations. Cut it off! And I certainly hope you're as appalled as I was at the news about Solyndra, Obama's economic and employment hope of the future that just declared bankruptcy after being given 565 million dollars in guaranteed government (read taxpayer money) loans.
Comment: #53
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Fri Sep 9, 2011 2:27 PM
Regarding Susan's post that (erroneously) quotes Jay Leno: Everybody needs to go to www.Snopes.com and check out the authenticity of Susan's 'story'. Leno did NOT say all of that; neither did David Letterman, as some folks have said in other forums or emails that I've received in the past.
Comment: #54
Posted by: Ms Davie
Fri Sep 9, 2011 3:25 PM
Re: nanchan
No problem, wanted to be sure.
Also, just in case I missed it -- you did, I didn't state it earlier -- I am interested in the woman's side of the story in LW1's case. Yes, even if it is a baloney explanation and her actions are indefensable.
Of course, I am sure there are people out there who would defend LW1 wife's actions. She'll say she's treated poorly and neglected, etc. (Just the same as the man -- "Oh, she's gotten ugly and undesirable in her old age, too many gray hairs and put on weight.") There's an old country song where the man sings about how he can understand why his wife strayed, due to his long nights away and ignoring her wishes, etc. -- "Ring On Her Finger (Time On Her Hands)" by Lee Greenwood, and I'm sure a few of Annie's readers will run to LW1's defense. (I've only read a few up to my post, haven't had time to catch up on the rest from today to see, but I guess the posts largely condemn the woman's actions.)
Comment: #55
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri Sep 9, 2011 6:28 PM
Not to delve too deeply into the political digression, but when thinking about what the government subsidizes, it's also important to think not just in dollars and cents, but in the long term health of the society as a whole, and the return on investment.

Subsidies for certain corporations do very little for the overall society, and their long-term return on investment isn't all that terrific either.

But subsidizing things like preventative health care initiatives can not only provide immediate benefits for our citizens, but in the long run may pay for themselves in lowering indirect costs of things like future health problems.

Programs to help people get a GED, or to help certain kinds of disabled people learn trades, also can not only "feel good" but can in the long term pay back into our society through the contributions of such people.

It can also be tricky to figure out all the indirect benefits and costs, it's rarely as black as white as some pundits would have you believe.

Still and all, it's good to remember that there are often many very good and legitimate reasons for certain government programs, and their absence or reduction may not simply be a good way to save money, but may actually have long term negative consequences for the health of our country. Sometimes the benefits to our fellow citizens, fellow human beings, are indeed worth the money.
Comment: #56
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Sep 9, 2011 8:02 PM
Chelle, I hope you're okay.
Comment: #57
Posted by: Michael
Fri Sep 9, 2011 8:25 PM
Even if LW #1 wants the transcripts and even if the cell phone account is in his name (which it would have to be for him to get any info), it's highly unlikely the cell phone provider would provide transcripts of text messages or voice mail. Just speaking practically. Verizon, a large cell phone provider, along with AT&T do not under any circumstances keep transcripts of texts or voice mail messages in their system unless they are subpoenaed by law enforcement and even then it goes forward, not back. Some tech whiz may be able to get at the info somehow, but the LW just seems to be a glutton for punishment and should just stick with trying to fix his marriage. Having images and words in his head will not help ease the hurt, that's for sure.
Comment: #58
Posted by: Su
Fri Sep 9, 2011 8:56 PM
Re: Carly O -- regarding your comment about not needing a subpoena to get phone records -- that isn't true. You can get details of calls made and received and phone numbers to where text messages were sent, yes, either on your paper bill or online. But even the account holder cannot get "transcripts" of text messages or voice mails from the cell phone provider. Cell phone companies do not keep transcripts in some sort of limitless database. It's kept in the memory of the phone and a tech whiz might could get them out of the phone, but that's doubtful. And for the cell phone provider to begin keeping any type of transcript or additional information on the calls, texts, etc., they require a subpoena from law enforcement FIRST, before the texts or calls are made, not after.
Comment: #59
Posted by: Su
Fri Sep 9, 2011 9:05 PM
re-mookster-5
i was agreeing with you up until you said, 'If you decide to have guests over, what, they're going to have to see a 60 year old lady in a bathing suit ????'
i am very offended by that.
having said that, i still think the neighbor has an out-sized sense of entitlement that ought to be squashed.
Comment: #60
Posted by: alien07110
Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:10 AM
Re: Su

Su, I did not say that you can get text "transcripts". I was responding to Capt. Obvious's comment that you cannot get your own records, which everyone who has ever received a phone bill knows is wrong.
Comment: #61
Posted by: Carly O
Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:17 AM
I am very pleased to read such great article here. The content of your post is highly appreciable and I really like to visit this link again in future.Good job!!!...
Comment: #62
Posted by: mobile tracker
Sun Jan 1, 2012 11:14 PM
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