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I Love Mom, but Not After 7
Dear Annie: I love my mother, but not after 7 p.m., when she starts drinking. For 11 years, I have suffered through her alcoholic abuse and have been ravaged by the physical and emotional agony that come with it.
My family and I have done everything possible to tell her how much we care and want her to get help. She always replies with a wonderful speech about how she will change and make sure we all stay together and happy. But after about a week, she reverts to her old ways. My mother is a lovely person with a good heart, but she endured a lot of emotional pain in the past and likes to drown it out instead of dealing with it.
I recently married and am thankful to be away from the situation. I have just discovered that I am expecting my first child. You cannot imagine the sheer joy I feel, along with the complete horror of seeing my drunken mother wanting to be a part of my baby's life.
I want Mom to be a loving, reliable grandmother, but so far, she has not been able to control herself. This has become a constant worry. I don't want my child brought up around alcohol. How do I allow Mom to be near the baby when she cannot control her drinking? — Michigan Mom-to-Be
Dear Michigan: When Mom is drunk, she should not be around your child, and you should tell her so. Hopefully, access to the new grandchild will provide the incentive for her to finally get the help she needs. If you believe she is depressed and is self-medicating with alcohol, encourage her to discuss this with her doctor. Tell her you will make the appointment and go with her. If she truly wants to sober up, she will do this. In the meantime, please contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at 1-888- 4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666), for family and friends of those with drinking problems.
Dear Annie: Our music teacher group has a question for you. We will try to make it short and sweet. Should parents have to pay for missed music lessons?
We have discussed this with fellow piano, band and vocal teachers who give private lessons, and everyone is having the same problem. Parents don't want to pay for missed lessons, and we think they should because they have a reserved lesson time each week. They don't understand that we have set schedules and depend on the income to help with our bills. What is your take on this? — Losing Money
Dear Losing: There is nothing wrong with charging parents for missed lessons if they do not notify you sufficiently in advance. Students are paying for your time, as well as your expertise. The amount you charge and how much notice you require are up to you. When you take on new students, inform them of this policy. Tell the parents of your current students that, starting next month, these guidelines will be in effect. Good luck.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Dirty Dishes Not Dirty Hands," who was upset that a friend washed his hands in the kitchen sink after a round of golf.
Don't wash your hands in the kitchen sink? Oh, please! I wash the carrots I pull out of the ground in the kitchen sink. I even wash my small dog in the kitchen sink. Does he think dirty dishes are germ free? If "Dishes" is concerned about a germ or two getting on his food after a hand washing, he can spray the sink with a disinfectant or wipe it down with chlorine bleach. — Clean Enough
Dear Clean: You can do whatever makes you happy, but it is considered safer to avoid washing outdoor dirt in the same sink where you prepare food. (And we'd certainly wash the dog in the bathtub.)
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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63 Comments | Post Comment
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2: Of course they should charge for the missed lessons if they don't get enough notice. Even my dentist's office has a sign up saying they'd charge for appointments that are missed without 24 hours notice.
3: Is Annie out of her mind? What part of "wash the carrots I pull out of the ground" does she not understand? We went over this whole topic when the original letter appeared. People clean produce from the garden in the kitchen sink. I don't know anyone who has a separate sink for that purpose and another sink for preparing food unless it's a restaurant that has these extra facilities. Most homes do not. We also have raw chicken in the sink area. Most people disinfect the sink and counter after raw chicken has been there. Why is that so much different from washing your hands? I think the Annie ladies don't live in the real world. Do they clean their own homes or prepare their own food? What do they do with the dirty water in the mop pail? Unless they have a utility sink in the laundry room for example, I'm sure it's drained down the kitchen sink. Why would that be ok and washing your hands in that same sink not be ok? Or does every household but mine have a separate sink for mop water? And no, I wouldn't drain it down the toilet because the warmth from the water can cause the wax seal to fail. I wouldn't drain it down the bathtub because it's a larger area to have to clean than the kitchen sink and I don't like bending over to clean it more than I already do. It would also mean carrying a pail of dirty mop water all the way upstairs instead of just emptying it in the sink. Every woman I know drains that stuff in the kitchen sink and then cleans the sink. Oh wait, one woman has a first floor laundry/utility room with a utility sink and she uses that for her mop water. What do the rest of you folks do with it? Seriously, I'd like to know.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Pat-tricia
Sun Aug 1, 2010 9:35 PM
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When my son was taking piano/violin lessons, I knew I'd have to pay for missed lessons. That's the teacher's livelihood. When I was tutoring kids, they were supposed to pay if they missed a lesson, though getting the parents to do it was not always easy. You have to pay daycare in advance here, and if you miss a day, you still pay. I think I once had to pay for a whole month of daycare over Christmas break, even though I wasn't going to use it (it's been a long time, so my memory is fuzzy.) I'm pretty sure I had to to reserve the spot.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sun Aug 1, 2010 9:57 PM
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Clean Enough? Not for me! Washing your dog in the kitchen sink is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
Comment: #3
Posted by: Janey
Sun Aug 1, 2010 10:09 PM
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Clean enough? Not for me! Washing your dog in the kitchen sink is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
Comment: #4
Posted by: Janey
Sun Aug 1, 2010 10:11 PM
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LW2 Losing Money I give private music lessons and my policy has always been 24 hours notice or pay for the lesson. I have been known to wave that under certain circumstances, like an aways regular student having an emergency that could not have been predicted. I recently switched to charging by the month because it is such a hassle to get people to pay for lessons they miss when they didn't even call. (I'm hoping that will work better.) I also keep a few spots in my schedule for students who miss a lesson to be able to make it up. When my kids took dance, it was by the month and if you missed a lesson it was your loss, no make-up times, so I feel that paying for the lesson with the possibility of a make-up lesson is more than fair. Private teachers who teach out of a studio that is separate from their home seem to have an easier time getting students and their parents to see them as professionals, but that is not possible for many of us.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Elizabeth
Sun Aug 1, 2010 10:53 PM
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I wash my hands in the kitchen sink only when I have been handling food and they're greasy or sticky. Produce gets washed in the sink. The dog absolutely does NOT. He gets washed in the bathtub. As for mop water, it goes down the toilet.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Arene
Sun Aug 1, 2010 11:17 PM
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LW1 has to learn to make and enforce some boundaries. She shouldn't let her child(ren) stay at mom's overnight. She shouldn't let her kids see her mom anywhere, at mom's, at their house, at a restaurant, when she's drunk. So, it sounds like a good plan would be for LW1 to allow her mom to see her child for a few hours, while LW1 is there, and before 7pm, before her mom hits the bottle. LW1 should always think ahead and have a plan - what to do if mom drinks too early, how LW1 and the kids can make a quick escape. For example, never getting a ride to visit mom, because mom might get drunk and LW1 and kids can't leave because they have no vehicle. LW1 has to be fully prepared to be firm and tell her mom these rules ahead of time. And as soon as her mom seems tipsy, she has to be ready to grab her kid and walk out the door.
Comment: #7
Posted by: FAW
Sun Aug 1, 2010 11:30 PM
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Re: LW1, under absolutely NO circumstances should your new baby EVER be left with Grandma alone, nor should Grandma EVER be allowed to drive the child anywhere. Even if she joins AA and begins showing sobriety, there is always the chance of a slip. Michigan Mom-to-be, PLEASE be extremely firm about these rules. You do not ever want to find yourself weeping over your child's grave because you "gave in" to make Grandma happy or to show you trust her. LW2, by all means, charge the parents when they miss a session, unless you consider it a medical emergency or family emergency (Mom in hospital, death of a relative). I suggest you put your expectations in writing, specifying the fee if an appointment is missed, and ask the parents to sign it, offering them a copy if they wish. LW3, Annies, you are being ridiculous. The issue about the dog not being washed in the kitchen is fine, yet no one should wash garden veggies in their kitchen sink? Where do you suggest, then? The bathroom sink, where people spit when they brush their teeth? Or worse yet, under the bathtub faucet, near where people stand for the shower and keep their feet when they are bathing? It appears to me you are BOTH all washed up about that advice.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Jean
Sun Aug 1, 2010 11:53 PM
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Am I the only one who washes dirty dishes in the sink?
Comment: #9
Posted by: Meghan Torres
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:54 AM
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Music teachers, freelance anyone --
Of course charge for missed time - in advance! Do like the music schools or adult education centers: charge for the course, the full semester or quarter, or at least the month. Then the student owns the time. If they miss, it's their loss. How can you make a living otherwise? (You might offer one group makeup class per semester.)
Think of yourself as a business and stop being doormats!
Comment: #10
Posted by: Claude
Mon Aug 2, 2010 3:20 AM
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I thought washing the dog in the kitchen sink was disgusting - but the mop water??? Even if you don't have a sink in the utility room, don't you have a bathroom sink?
Comment: #11
Posted by: Sandy
Mon Aug 2, 2010 3:43 AM
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I just have to chuckle over all this germ phobia hysteria. How in hell did I ever live to be this old? Why haven't I died of some bizarre disease picked up from my kitchen sink? I won't even SHOCK you with any disgusting stories from growing up on an actual working ranch with real dirt and big hairy animals and. . . . . . never mind. We have become so sterilized it's actually funny and probably, in the long run, not good for us a species.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Rick
Mon Aug 2, 2010 4:08 AM
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If you have a double sink, problem solved. My mom kept one side reserved for dish washing and anything else was done on the other side-rinsing vegetables, washing hair, dumping mop water, etc. I have one in my own home and follow the same rule. All you need to do is make sure you wash it out afterward and there won't be a problem. As for using the bathroom sink, if you have one of those shallow "bowl" style ones, dumping out that much water at once is a recipe for disaster so the bathtub might be the best option-but again, make sure to clean it when you're done!
Comment: #13
Posted by: Lisa
Mon Aug 2, 2010 5:09 AM
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LW1: I'm a recovering alcoholic, your momwont quit in order to see your child, that's how strong this disease is, it will come before anyone or anything. She needs to experience everyday consequences, don't make it easy for her to drink, abandon her emotionally until she's ready to quit, everyone abandon her emotionally, try an intervention, give her ultimatums, if & when she's ready, get her into detox, thr ER if you have to, she'll have HORRIBLE withdrawals, then have her go to AA mtgs daily, whether she slips up or not, make it a requirement. Eventually she'll get it if shw gets a sponsor & works the steps IMMEDIATLY, she also needs to find a God of her understanding, mine was Jesus but she can choose whatever will help her, a loving, forgiving, understanding God, not sme tyrant. The people in AA can save her life, let them do it, she'll trust them immediately after she hears them share their story with her, she'll see that they understand her as no one else can. Best wishes to her, its not easy. Medizal detox will help but she's not to have any prescriptions in hand, that's where her family comes in. She drinks because she feels she has to, not because she wants to, hard to understand, I know, but AA will understand her, I sincerely hope she makes it, ill be praying for her, at mtgs we always pray for those that are still "out there". You can also go with her to an open mtg, all of you can if she wants.... LW3!!!! I wash my dog in the sink, you guys sound like Germaphobes, seriously, I got a chuckle out of that one too!
Comment: #14
Posted by: Crissy
Mon Aug 2, 2010 5:45 AM
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How did we as a society get to be such verminophobes? I find it ironic that our ancestors survived just fine washing their dishes in the local creek; drawing water directly from the ground, and preparing food in the great outdoors (food that typically included a meat item that they likely caught and killed themselves.) No matter how often you meticulously wash and scrub your kitchen sink with anti-bacterial soap, trust me; it's teaming with all manner of bacteria. Likewise with your hands and entire body. I'll spare you the biology lesson since I covered this in detail several weeks ago but let me simply say that it's a fact that a single human mouth can contain more microorganisms than there are people on planet Earth. I might also like to remind gentle readers that most harmful dog germs are usually harmless for humans, unless we're talking about rabies, a disease that affects dogs and people in equally damaging ways. But generally, humans are immune to most dog germs so unless it's foaming at the mouth you can feel free to wash your dog in your kitchen sink without worry. I wish people would knock it off with the obsessive compulsive anti-bacterial cleaning routines.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Chris
Mon Aug 2, 2010 6:04 AM
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Who prepares food IN the sink? I prepare it ON the counter and ON the stove! For goodness' sake, do these people wash dishes in their sink? Or would that get it too germy?
Comment: #16
Posted by: Mary
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:06 AM
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That's telling them Chris. Good for you! I agree with everything you say!
Comment: #17
Posted by: Lisa
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:08 AM
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Re: Chris - You are my hero, Chris! Thanks for your voice of reason.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Rick
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:16 AM
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Sinks are made of stainless steel and other non-pourous surfaces( like corian) for a reason - even ceramic can be cleaned nicely with some bleach. It is fine to use your kitchen sink for clean-ups as long as you clean out the sink afterwards. Not all homes are made with utility sinks or double sinks - ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get the job done, just do a proper clean-up afterwards! Seriously, golfing??? How dirty can a golfer get? Lots of golfers wear gloves so it's not like they were digging in a garden. I think the writer was a bit uptight.
Comment: #19
Posted by: Deena
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:32 AM
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Am I the only one who dumps the mop water outside?
Comment: #20
Posted by: Honor Girl
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:35 AM
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Re: Deena - You are too right. I think a lot of people are way too uptight about this sort of thing.
Sinks are easily cleaned out, and isn't that what bleach based cleansers were invented for?
Dog gets washed in the tub, but I've given babies baths in the kitchen sink and washed all sorts of things there.
Comment: #21
Posted by: moon
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:58 AM
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Re: Pat-tricia
Just to answer your mop water question...
I dump it in the toilet or outside. Depends more on what room I finish mopping in more than anything. If I finish closer to a door to the outside, it goes there, if I'm closer to the bathroom, it goes in the toilet. Never had a wax seal fail from that, but by the time I'm finished with all that it's not really that warm anyway.
Just not in the bathtub. Same reason you gave, too much hassle to clean it.
Comment: #22
Posted by: moon
Mon Aug 2, 2010 8:02 AM
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Mop water goes down the kitchen sink. Paint brushes get washed out in the kitchen sink. Dirty hands get washed in the kitchen sink. Cats get washed in the kitchen sink on occasion because it's easier on my back. When the babies were little, they got bathed in the kitchen sink (after it was scrubbed) and do did my sister and me. What a bunch of germ phobes. Some Comet and scrub scrub scrub...good as new. Let's move on.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Aimee
Mon Aug 2, 2010 8:03 AM
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As for washing things in the sink, I wash whatever I want in the sink, including my 2 year old granddaughter. I always spray with bleach water, after and let it sit for a few minutes and then wash it. The sink, not the child. :)
As for being a germaphobe...well all you have to do is know ONE person who died from a food born illness and it looks less like a phobia and more like the right thing to do. Our ancestors survived all right. They lived to be at least 40!! We now live into our 80's, 90's and beyond, thanks in a huge part to better hygiene. Did you know years ago docs REFUSED to wash their hands with soap and water after a child birth, just wipe and go on to the next one. Women were dying right and left but they didn't think it had ANYTHING to DO with washing hands. NOW we know that washing hands is THE NUMBER ONE way to prevent the spread of germs!! THE NUMBER ONE WAY!! Yep, I am a nurse.
So, wash your hands, before you eat and after you go potty. Use your sink for whatever you want, but disinfect after you use it. Live long and healthy.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Katie
Mon Aug 2, 2010 8:14 AM
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@Katie. Um, we're living into our 80's and 90's due mostly to the marvels of modern medicine (e.g., vaccines, better and faster treatments, much more knowledge about disease and root causes,) not because doctors and people are now all of a sudden washing their hands more frequently and disinfecting their sinks.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Chris
Mon Aug 2, 2010 8:58 AM
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LW1 - If you were smart, you would never let your mother babysit your child or be around your child alone. And if you think she's even the slightest bit drunk, leave with your child. Don't expose your child to that. The person who commented that you don't want to be crying over your child's grave because you felt you had to make Grandma happy is right on!
Comment: #26
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Aug 2, 2010 9:16 AM
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Okay, kind of related to the washing-germ-phobia-dogs-in-the-sink theme; Years ago in the dark ages before we knew that the world was a giant Petri dish just waiting to kill us my mother (who peacefully died in her sleep at the age of 90 by the way) used to tell us kids just before company would arrive, "If the cat jumps up on the counter act shocked". LOL Okay, I'm getting back to work now.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Rick
Mon Aug 2, 2010 9:34 AM
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I agree!!!! Chris is a genious!!!! Lol!
Comment: #28
Posted by: Crissy
Mon Aug 2, 2010 9:37 AM
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Talk about germaphobes! The sink is connected to the sewer line. However much you scrub your sink after using it, it is still connected by pipe to the SEWER! And fyi, the hospital I trained at believed in soap and water and elbow grease. The only places where sterilizing items were kept were in the central supply....the autoclave....and in the OR and the Delivery Room....carbolic acid for scalpels, which weren't sterilized in the autoclave. And I can't remember but 1 post-op infection, in three years. And this was before pre-op antibiotics!.
And by the way, two of my grandparents lived into their '90's. Two died in their '60's...one of kidney failure and one of alcoholism.
My excessively germaphobe d-i-l puts the ice cube trays in the dishwasher after each use...also anything she used to measure tapwater.....but also the children's potty and potty chair!!!!!!with the dishes, maay I add. Now that's Yuck! for me.
I know people who get all over faint at the notion of letting the dog or cat lick a plate. (I told them I wash my dishes after use)
I say right on Rick, Chris and Deena.....you have your heads on straight.
Comment: #29
Posted by: pat
Mon Aug 2, 2010 9:39 AM
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Ridiculous about the kitchen sink. Not all of us can afford a wet room with a special basin sink. I live in an apartment with a kitchen and a bathroom. I get to wash my hands where I cook or where I brush my teeth. But guess what? I -clean- my apartment. It's called bleach. If you're that much of a germaphobe, you probably know how to clean. Just because some outside dirt got in your sink doesn't mean you have to cut it out and remodel. Probably all of the celery, broccoli, cauliflower and other produce that is grown in, essentially, manure gets washed in your sink so a pair of hands that have likely not been grubbing around in feces should pass muster. I thought this was an advice column, not a Lysol Mom column.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Amy
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:14 AM
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Re: pat--I don't think I'd ever eat off any of your DIL's dishes. Ever. I don't know how she fits the potty chair in the dishwasher, but that's just gross.
But the ice-cube trays? I never even thought of washing them when I was using them. I figure the cold kills the germs. I've had an icemaker for the last 20 years and I don't miss filling those trays. I don't let my cats eat off my plates anymore, because I don't give them people food, but I do wash their dishes in the dishwasher everyday.
As far as washing vegetables from the garden in the sink, that's just good clean dirt, and we don't eat enough dirt anymore. (That's according to Dr. Cristianne Northrup.)
Comment: #31
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:19 AM
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LW3-Actually, what Katie is referring to is very much historical fact. In the mid-1800's a doctor named Ignaz Philipp Semmelweis noticed a difference in the mortality rates of women in childbirth who were treated by doctors versus those who were attended by midwives. The mortality rates among the women attended by doctors was approx. 40%. The reason he found was the doctors were often going straight from autopsies to the maternity wards. Because of his observations, medical professionals began a campaign of better hygiene in order to control infection. As a result, the mortality rates in both women in childbirth and young infants dramatically dropped. Sadly, Semmelweis did not receive the laud he deserved until after his death. There are plenty of articles about him in PubMed.
From the evidence, I'd say the fact we are living longer is thanks to a combination of better sanitation as well as advances in medicine. That being said, I do agree that anti-biotic products are being overused. My husband is a PhD in chemistry. His studies included overuse of anti-biotic agents which is why I avoid buying too many of them.
Comment: #32
Posted by: LibraryKat
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:24 AM
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Re: Katie
LW3-Actually, what Katie is referring to is very much historical fact. In the mid-1800's a doctor named Ignaz Philipp Semmelweis noticed a difference in the mortality rates of women in childbirth who were treated by doctors versus those who were attended by midwives. The mortality rates of the women attended by doctors was approx. 40%. The reason he found was the doctors were often going straight from autopsies to the maternity wards. Because of his observations, medical professionals began a campaign of better hygiene in order to control infection. As a result, the mortality rates in both women in childbirth and young infants dramatically dropped. Sadly, Semmelweis did not receive the laud he deserved until after his death. There are plenty of articles about him in PubMed.
From the evidence, I'd say the fact we are living longer is thanks to a combination of better sanitation as well as advances in medicine. That being said, I do agree that anti-biotic products are being overused. My husband is a PhD in chemistry. His studies included overuse of anti-biotic agents which is why I avoid buying too many of them.
Comment: #33
Posted by: LibraryKat
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:32 AM
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Does anyone recall the days when a mom panicked when kid would put something dirty in their mouth and Grandma would say, Every kid needs to eat a pound of dirt while they're growing up. Now we're being told that a child's immune system needs challenges to develop properly. At my work, we don't have a "kitchen sink", just washbowls and a utility sink--so we have a dishpan to wash lunch dishes. Dishpans work at home as well--have different colored ones for the dog, the carrots, whatever. And I periodically fill my kitchen sink with water, add bleach and the dishrags, and let them soak for an hour or so.
Comment: #34
Posted by: LINDEN MALKI
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:38 AM
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Re: Rick
My thoughts exactly! There's no getting away from germs - they're everywhere. Here's what you do to avoid getting sick: 1) keep your home relatively clean; 2) wash your hands before putting them anywhere near your face; and 3) wash produce before eating it and cook all other food thoroughly. Beyond that, there's no need for paranoia!
Comment: #35
Posted by: DM
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:43 AM
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Re: Amy
LOL! You're absolutely right!
Comment: #36
Posted by: DM
Mon Aug 2, 2010 10:44 AM
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Katie,
What you're referring to is very much historical fact. In the mid-1800's a doctor named Ignaz Philipp Semmelweis noticed a difference in the mortality rates of women in childbirth who were treated by doctors versus those who were attended by midwives. The mortality rates of the women attended by doctors was approx. 40%. The reason he found was the doctors were often going straight from autopsies to the maternity wards. Because of his observations, medical professionals began a campaign of better hygiene in order to control infection. As a result, the mortality rates in both women in childbirth and young infants dramatically dropped. Sadly, Semmelweis did not receive the laud he deserved until after his death. There are plenty of articles about him in PubMed.
From the evidence, I'd say the fact we are living longer is thanks to a combination of better sanitation as well as advances in medicine. I feel quite certain that most medical professionals would agree.
That being said, I do agree that anti-biotic products are being overused. My husband is a PhD in chemistry. His studies included overuse of anti-biotic agents for the simple fact that they do not kill all bacteria, leaving the survivors able to pass on their immunity. This is why I avoid buying too many anti-biotic cleaning agents, particularly soap.
Comment: #37
Posted by: LibraryKat
Mon Aug 2, 2010 11:07 AM
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GERMAPHOBES: Beware, when someone passes gas and you can smell it, it means particles of feces are in your nose and mouth, breathed in my you... ponder that... For the rest of us hopefully we can laugh at the silliness of germaphobes and live normal lives....
Comment: #38
Posted by: julie
Mon Aug 2, 2010 12:06 PM
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People will treat you like a professional if you treat yourself like one. If you let the parents run your schedule to THEIR convenience, you're going to be juggling makeups.
As a parent who used to charge $30 an hour to tutor, I EXPECT to pay for missed lessons whether they are made up or not. It's part of the contract I think I have with the professional. If you're willing to teach my child well and hold a weekly spot for my child's lesson, I owe you for that no matter if they show up late, refuse to cooperate, or don't come at all. Even if I give 24 hour notice, the pro is still there with an unprofitable hour unless I do. Unlike a dentist who might have a last-minute patient who needs attention and who will pay to fill the missed time slot, the music teacher probably won't have an emergency client.
If there are parents who don't "get" it, then maybe requiring payment by the month/quarter/semester as someone else suggested might help them get the big picture, since they probably won't have a dollar amount per visit in mind. Picture this: can you imagine somebody trying to get you to pro-rate the lesson on a per-minute fee if they came in 9 minutes late?! Of course not. They just don't think about it like that. Change the rate scale, and see if it helps. (By the by, we've always paid by the month, not the lesson.)
If you're feeling charitable, you could offer the parent a coupon for ONE "free" makeup session per semester. It's a positive spin (who doesn't love a FREE do-over?) but the implied message there is "miss as many lessons as you want, but you'll be allowed to make up exactly ONE without incurring extra charge." People tend to understand those messages, however subtle they seem.
Comment: #39
Posted by: marcia
Mon Aug 2, 2010 12:14 PM
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Re: julie - Alrighty then. I think that about wraps this one up :-)
Comment: #40
Posted by: Rick
Mon Aug 2, 2010 12:36 PM
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I used the sink to clean all manner of items. Paint brushes, the putty knife used for mudding the walls, my Army boots when they're mud encrusted, my hair (to rinse the henna or dye out of it), heck, evan my sons when they where babies. I have a picture of one of them sitting in the dish drainer wrapped in a towel and holding his rubber ducky :) Never tried washing the cat there, tough. Mostly because she has claws and isn't afraid to use them.
My family has been exposed to all manner of germy, dirty stuff. As children they would dig up bugs in the back yard. We went rock hunting and mining almost every year while they grew up. I never made a big deal out of them getting dirty, except to tell them to wash their hands after they sneeze or cough. I've let them build up their immune systems naturally and it's a great benefit to them today. They are 22,20 and 18 now and have had only three DR's visits between them in the last two years. Once when my oldest had a dog bite that got infected ( because he wouldn't put an antibacterial cream on it) and two times for my youngest sons twisted ankle.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Michelle Keane
Mon Aug 2, 2010 12:54 PM
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Thank you to everyone who thinks LW3 is ridiculous.
Rick - your post brought back my memory of helping my mom and grandma pluck chickens - getting them ready to freeze. I am sure some people just cringed - that was in the late 70's and I am still here and healthy. I didn't get sick after those chickens were done. Why? Because my mom cleaned it after we were done!!!
I have to wonder how many people still have parents and granparents around....what I just described is the type of stuff that happened when they were growing up and they have lived upwards of 100 years!
No wonder so many people get sick so often now - noone has an immunity to anything.
Comment: #42
Posted by: ppclps
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:03 PM
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Sorry for the multiple posts. Must have been a problem with the system.
Comment: #43
Posted by: LibraryKat
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:12 PM
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I wash my vegetables while I am taking a shower.
OK, just kidding! I loved the Seinfeld episode where Kramer did that.
Sandy: How is pouring your mop water in the bathroom sink any better than the kitchen sink? I'm sure you wash them both after pouring the dirty water down, right? So if your drop your tooth brush in the sink by accident, or drop your carrot in the kitchen sink by accident, they are both clean enough to pick up and continue, no? Me, since we have no utility sink I use my sink for everything from cleaning the paintbrushes to pouring the mop water down! And I'd totally wash the dog in the kitchen sink (I washed my BABIES in the kitchen sink) if she was small enough! How easy would that be? No bending!
Rick: Good post, I totally agree! Oh, and is the cat post the same Rick? Now that was funny! :)
Pat: I had to laugh the other day at the joke I played on my daughter. After our dog licked the plate clean I told her (the dog) good job and thanks and put it back in the cupboard! You should have seen the look on my daughter's face. Priceless! (OK, so I did take it back out and WASHED it!)
Comment: #44
Posted by: Renee
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:42 PM
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Actually, Chris, part of the reason that our lifespans have extended is that we have learned about germs. Death after childbirth was not unusual and when doctors starting washing their hands, the death rate during childbirth decreased dramatically. Not modern medicine, just washing hands.
That said, I clean whatever I want to in the kitchen sink. I just clean the sink afterward.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Zoe
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:43 PM
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Re: Renee - Yes, Renee, the same Rick. I'm glad you got a chuckle and I love the story about the dog licking the plate....been there, done that :-)
Comment: #46
Posted by: Rick
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:51 PM
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Actually Zoe, you're referring to infant mortality rate while I was referring to life span. We're talking about two entirely different things. In other words, hand washing by doctors helped many more babies live. How LONG they lived is due for the most part to modern medicine.
Comment: #47
Posted by: Chris
Mon Aug 2, 2010 1:56 PM
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In response to "I love Mom, but not after 7": Your mom is never going to change, she will always drink because that is her number 1 priority and grandchildren will not change it. My sister is a grandmother of 9 and she has been an alcoholic for over 25 years. She keeps saying she will stop, but just the least amount of stress takes her right back to drinking. She has been threatened in having no contact with her grand kids and she'll stop for a little while, but her number 1 priority is drinking so she always goes back to it. The excuses are "I had a bad day", "the kids wouldn't mind", "the kids were to loud and rambunctious", etc.......Horrifingley, her kids allow her to babysit while they work. Unfortunately, grandma is not reliable because she comes up with excuses for not being able to babysit. Such excuses are "it's going to be to hot, the kids will be miserable", "I didn't sleep well last night", "I don't feel well today", etc.....Her children have been forced to take their kids to daycare while they work because "grandma" is drunk by the time they get to her house after work. I think daycare is the greatest thing they could do for their children.
Wake up and realize that you will never change Mom, no matter what kinds of encouragement you give her. She needs professional help and will never get it unless she agrees to it. She doesn't think she has a problem, so the help will never come. Do what is right for your child before the child is born. Alcholism is a disease that the child doesn't need to be around.
Some Who Knows, New York
Comment: #48
Posted by: Karen Mensch
Mon Aug 2, 2010 2:28 PM
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To: "Losing money" First, you should have in writing their fees, policies, etc. Parents should be expected to sign a contract for the lessons, or if not a contract, at least an agreement acknowledging they have received a copy of the fee schedule, policies, etc & agree to be bound by them. Second, aren't you collecting the fees PRIOR to the lessons being given? For instance, however many lessons (if they're charging by the lesson, rather than the month) will be given in September then the total amount due for September must be paid prior to or at the time of the 1st lesson in September. If parents have to pay for the lessons in advance, they may not be so casual about 'missing' lessons. I would say you should leave yourself some room to be flexible regarding missed lessons~~looking at each situation on a case-by-case basis~~serious illnesses, deaths, etc do occur. The earlier post about ONE make-up lesson being included in the fees for a stated period of time is a good suggestion. Lastly, what the parents think really shouldn't matter~~you should be in the driver's seat, not them! You are running a business & you get to make the rules~~even for your existing students, you have every right to institute policies, give notice of them to the students/parents & if they don't like them/don't want to follow them, then they can seek lessons elsewhere.
Comment: #49
Posted by: Lucy Ray
Mon Aug 2, 2010 3:52 PM
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LOL Rick and Renee! I've managed to live for (mumble-mumble) years, including in a third-world country for more than two decades, and somehow I survived it all! I'm a pretty clean housekeeper, etc., but I don't get crazy over every last germ. Besides, I read somewhere that the average human being consumes five pounds of dirt a year - it gets bootlegged into you somehow, not sure how. But I think we'd all be more resilient if we didn't get paranoid about chasing down all the bacteria with our high-powered cleaning agents, scrubbing ourselves with antibacterial soaps, etc. Hospitals are the exception, but heck, look how many people get sick from a hospital stay! Another thing to think about: scrubbing the little microscopic bugs off of every surface tends to backfire after awhile, since over time the little suckers begin to mutate to adapt! This is why doomsayers insist the human race will come to an end as a result of microbes who have become more powerful than anything we can eradicate them with. P.S. I do usually pour mop water down the bathtub drain, then run clear water. I don't know why this makes me feel better, but it does.
Comment: #50
Posted by: Linda
Mon Aug 2, 2010 4:17 PM
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Oh, goody, I am not the only one who thinks that the response to LW3 is ridiculous. Who in the world prepares their food IN the sink? I don't. And what's wrong with washing your hands in the kitchen sink? I wash raw chicken (and pat it dry afterwards) in a kitchen sink, and vegetables from the garden, and dirty dishes (I have no dishwasher), and pour the water after washing the floor in there. And I washed my first baby in the kitchen sink of the apartment we lived in then. And I'd wash a dog in there too if I had one. The sink gets cleaned periodically, y'know. It's not like I'd wash the dirty dishes and then plop the baby in there right after. I'd give it a nice scrub in between the different washings. Some people are just way too germaphobic. How do they survive outside a sterile bubble is beyond me.
Comment: #51
Posted by: Ariana
Mon Aug 2, 2010 4:19 PM
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Rick you made me laugh out loud with you comment about acting shocked if the cat jumps up on the counter.I agree there are too many germaphobes out there.I never worried very much about germs and my kids were seldom sick.
Comment: #52
Posted by: jackie6466
Mon Aug 2, 2010 4:52 PM
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Here is a great article about a common soil bacterium that improves the ability to learn and reduces anxiety. Ingesting some dirt is good for you! If that idea freaks you out, then you are exactly the person that needs it - obviously you are too anxious.
http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/05/26/nature-reduces-anxiety-and-sharpens-mental-skills/14088.html.
Comment: #53
Posted by: jennifer
Mon Aug 2, 2010 5:13 PM
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OH MY GOD!!!! GERMS!!!
Come on people. Germs are everywhere. I say this as a nurse.
Comment: #54
Posted by: Liz
Mon Aug 2, 2010 5:50 PM
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Re: pat
I totall have my dog "pre-rinse" most of the plates before putting them in the dishwasher! He absolutely loves it!! And those dishes rarely come out cleaner! LOL
Comment: #55
Posted by: Hawker
Mon Aug 2, 2010 6:45 PM
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My grandma used to call dirt "little bulldozers." They'd just push their way right through your system, and kept you nice and regular!
Comment: #56
Posted by: Hawker
Mon Aug 2, 2010 7:06 PM
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Lol!! My dogs pre-rinse too! They love their jobs! All these germaphobes make me want to come over & dip their toothbrushes in their toilets & put them beck in the holder! Anyone remember that Seinfeld episode? This column is hilarious!!
Comment: #57
Posted by: Crissy
Tue Aug 3, 2010 5:32 AM
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Julie, actually when someone passes gas and you can smell it, there are no fecal particals in your nose and mouth. Look at Wikipedia. The smelly component of the gas is methanethiol, sulphur dioxide, dimethyl sulfide and skatole. Skatole is high concentrations smells like feces, but in low concentrations it has a flowery smell. Orange blossoms and jasmine have skatole. And skatole is used as a fragrance and fixitive in many perfumes. There are no bacteria in "farts," just non-toxic stuff.
Comment: #58
Posted by: Pamela Valdes
Tue Aug 3, 2010 9:28 AM
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Antibacterial soap is generally unnecessary if you wash your hands properly (rub your hands together for at least 15 seconds). Dislodging the bacteria from your hands and flushing them down the drain is effectively the same as killing them. Think of it this way: either way you're going to end a small percentage of the bacteria left on your hands. If you've washed with regular soap, those bacteria are a random sampling. If you've washed with antibacterial soap, those bacteria are the ones that were most resistant to the antibacterial agent.
Comment: #59
Posted by: Lola
Wed Aug 4, 2010 1:42 PM
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"Dear Clean: You can do whatever makes you happy, but it is considered safer to avoid washing outdoor dirt in the same sink where you prepare food." Out of curiosity, what sort of dirt do you think is on your food? Where do you think carrots (for instance) are grown? Do you insist on 100% hydroponic vegetables, or do you have a special sink just for washing off food that has "outdoor dirt" on it? Or do you believe food purchased at a store is clean and not needing to be washed? (If so, I hope you manage to avoid botulism or salmonella.)
(By the way, did anyone else think of the movie "Over the Hedge" and the cat referring to the "outdoor woods" when they read that?)
Comment: #60
Posted by: Calli Arcale
Wed Aug 4, 2010 2:06 PM
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I pay for missed music lessons for my son. However, when my son's music teacher cancels on us, we still have to pay him. I think when he does that, we should pay a little less the next month. I pay for my son's absences and the teacher's absences too.
Comment: #61
Posted by: Michele
Fri Aug 6, 2010 10:04 AM
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Dear Annie's Ladies : Mr Clean: My mother had to wash her dog in the kitchen sink , due to the inability to be able to get down to the bath tub and back up again. I grew up watching many babies being bathed in the sink. Folks, if you are concerned about germs they have a old wonderful product called - bleach - kills every germ known to man.; and it's CHEAP! I think one of the reasons why Americans get sick so much now is that we have "sterilized " our way into having puny immune systems.
Comment: #62
Posted by: Micheal
Sat Aug 7, 2010 5:29 PM
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Actually, Chris, Zoe was referring to the mortality rate of mothers after childbirth, I believe. Historically, childbirth was very dangerous to mothers and one of the reasons the mortality rate improve was the cleaner environment and better hygiene by doctors.
The advances in santation and better hygiene greatly increased life span. It's a fascinating subject.
Comment: #63
Posted by: Jen
Sun Aug 8, 2010 8:37 AM
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