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Creepy Customer Won't Stop Flirting with Young Waitress

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Dear Annie: Six months ago, I met the girl of my dreams at a restaurant that I frequent several times a week. I was eating lunch there long before she started serving, but the first day I saw her, I began sitting in her section.

The problem is, every time she comes by, my tongue gets frozen, my voice changes, the words don't come out right or I say something stupid. She isn't seeing the real me. A few months ago, I asked her out. She turned me down, saying she is too busy to date and, besides, she doesn't date customers. I was bummed out, but I still kept coming to the restaurant, and everything seemed OK.

Every day, I like her more. A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't resist bringing her flowers and a card expressing my feelings for her. She wouldn't accept the flowers and only reluctantly took the card. The next day, she told me I make her uncomfortable and should sit in someone else's section. I was totally crushed.

I don't know what to do. I haven't seen her for nearly two weeks, and I'm miserable. I want to respect her and will eat somewhere else for a few months so she has some space, but I don't want to give up. I'm a successful businessman, and I work hard to achieve what I want.

What is the best way to win her heart? Does age matter? I'm 38, and she is still in college. I am not only physically attracted to her. I really want to get to know everything about her. At the very least, I'd like to be friends. Is it possible? — Tom

Dear Tommy: Probably not. You have turned into that creepy older guy who hits on the waitress and won't take no for an answer. She has made it quite clear she is not interested, and any additional moves you make in her direction will only confirm her low opinion of you. She might even quit her job if you keep showing up and mooning over her.

Find another place to eat, and leave the servers alone.

Dear Annie: My husband and I share a computer. I recently came across the complete name and city of an individual with the caption, "activated his profile," as well as the message, "Sex is live. Come find your partner."

My husband says he has no idea how this profile popped up on his computer. The only other message in the profile section concerns an entry about my husband's brother having activated his own profile. I would really appreciate an answer. — Don't Know What To Believe

Dear Don't Know: We can't tell you whether your husband is lying. We can, however, say that it is possible this is some kind of spam, or that his brother set it up and your husband is completely innocent. In which case, his brother is an idiot. But keep your eyes open, just in case.

Dear Annie: As a retired strategic planner with the Michigan Department of Corrections who has studied pedophilia, you are certainly correct that "Protective Mother" should be alarmed about her paroled uncle showing affection toward her children.

I suggest the mother, in the presence of her relatives, tell her uncle that he is to keep away from her children at all times, saying, "We know that you haven't been able to control your emotions around children."

In addition, her uncle may be breaking his parole restrictions, because most pedophiles are not permitted to associate with young children or to be within a certain proximity of places where children congregate. — B.L.

Dear B.L.: We appreciate your expertise. Many thanks.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

101 Comments | Post Comment
Oh Lordy, LW1 wrote to The Advice Goddess last month and now he shows up here! Same advice, Bub -- LEAVE HER ALONE!

http://www.creators.com/advice/advice-goddess-amy-alkon/want-salt-and-pepper-spray-with-that.html
Comment: #1
Posted by: VAdame
Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:08 PM
Another letter that has appeared in another column. Does no one on their staff do any research? It's not like I read every advice column. It's so disappointing.
Comment: #2
Posted by: bugz
Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:16 PM
LW1 - What VAdame and bugz said. Annoying. I was under the impression that columnists receive thousands of letters every week. It is statistically improbable that they would all pick the same letter even if somebody did write the same letter to several columnists. They are just poaching each other's columns.
LW2 - I don't understand LW's question. Some "profiles" are advertising. Like those "Mom in XYZ area is making gazillions of dollars working from home," and the XYZ area happens to be just next town over from yours.
LW3 - I have read the first sentence in this letter very carefully several times now. So, Annies, which one of you is a retired strategic planner with the Michigan Department of Corrections who has studied pedophilia?
"
Comment: #3
Posted by: Ariana
Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:50 PM
LOL, Ariana! Guess someone's too cheap to hire an editor.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Baldrz
Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:11 PM
Bugz and Ariana,
I don't think that the editors were being lazy or poaching other columnists letters. I think it more like VAdame suggested and that his guy is submitting to multiple columnists. He will probably continue to do so until someone tells him that it is okay to stalk this poor girl. Can't wait to see what Carolyn Hax will say once he contacts her!
Comment: #5
Posted by: kim
Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:12 PM
"Reminder!Face book of s-e-x is live, come find your partner at (blahblahblah.com)" is common bot-generated spam on a lot of internet forums and social networking sites. LW2's husband is definitely innocent, though he probably needs to change the privacy settings on his profile to allow posting from friends only.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Bear
Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:31 PM
I, too, recognized that reading that lletter from LW1 as having appeared elsewhere. It's not easy to sllip one by us!
Comment: #7
Posted by: Janey
Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:07 PM
LW3 is the person who's with the MI Dept of Corrections, not the Annies. He's stating his credentials and now wants their opinion. Read the sentence once more.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Matt
Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:13 PM
That first letter looked familiar to me too!! He kept sending letters to Amy because she wouldn't give him the answer he wanted, right?
Comment: #9
Posted by: Liz
Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:42 AM
We don't know if he's lying? Keep your eyes open? LOL! I wonder how many marriages the Annies have busted up by always counseling women to be so suspicious of their husbands. The poor guy got some common spam. Did they not even bother googling this phrase before posting this? Both my husband and I get these, as well as how we can get some money from Nigeria. And as for the first letter, why does this keep happening?
Comment: #10
Posted by: Jane
Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:47 AM
I find it funny when people claim to have found their "dream" guy or girl and then they turn out to be that person's living nightmare. LW1 has a problem and it isn't that he can't take no for an answer. He's obsessed with this innocent young waitress and is sliding quickly down the slippery slope of becoming a full blown stalker. This guy needs a wake-up call and quick before he winds up behind bars. My advice to the LW is threefold: First, grow up. A 38 year old man has no business scoping out college aged girls; it's pathetic. Second, get a reality check. Nobody is perfect, including this waitress. Think about this "dream girl" picking broccoli out of her teeth, passing gas in the movie theater, on her cell phone incessantly, or whatever it takes to bring her out of the realm of fantasy and into reality. Third, get some confidence. If you like a girl, grow a spine and ask her out immediately. Further, if she turns you down, accept the fact and move on. Have the consideration and decency to bow out gracefully without looking back. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

I'd like to know why LW2 was snooping around on the computer in the first place? If the LW's husband has given her sufficient reason to poke around in the computer looking for clues, then she should forget about trying to play amateur forensics scientist and simply ask her husband directly if he's checking out the ladies on-line. She should know him well enough to tell if he's lying or not. If this is about porn, then leave it alone. Many men enjoy looking at on-line eroticism from time to time and that fact isn't going to change because women like LW2 are insecure. If LW2 grills her husband about this then he'll simply learn to hide his activities better.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Chris
Tue Sep 28, 2010 3:46 AM
Matt, the commenters were referring to the misplaced modifier in the first sentence, which changes the meaning of the sentence. " As a retired strategic planner [...], you..." implies that Amy is the retired strategic planner. To be grammatically (and factually) correct, it should read "As a retired strategic planner [...], I..."
Comment: #12
Posted by: Agnes
Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:32 AM
I think kim and Liz are right; he is going to continue to write in until someone tells him how to get the so-called 'girl of his dreams'. I bet we haven't heard the last of this guy.
The only positive thing in his letter is that at least he's willing to (temporarily) give her some space. Maybe someone will get it through his thick head that he needs to BACK OFF. I wouldn't count on it, though.
Comment: #13
Posted by: JMG
Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:41 AM
Re: Matt
Yes, I know, Matt, but the first sentence as it is written makes it SOUND like one of the columnists is the strategic planner. It's called a dangling modifier, Matt. Didn't your English teacher tell you this?

It's one thing to make grammatical mistakes in comments, on discussion boards, and in various online forums. Those are generally posted un-proofread and unedited. It's quite another not to edit such errors out in published pieces. Annies' column has had problems with basic editing for some time - wrong capitalization, misspellings, now poor grammar. Their copyeditor is slacking off.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Ariana
Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:09 AM
LW1-I don't really read the Advice Goddess' column so I didn't see this one. I was a billing collector for credit cards issued from a local bank a couple of years ago. One day I called a customer about his past due account and he actually tried to hit on me. How desperate do you have to be to hit on a bill collector? Yes, it's very creepy!!! I think everyone else is right; if LW1 did send a letter to more than one advice columnist, then he's looking for someone to give him the answer he wants.

LW2-She stated specifically that she and her husband share a desktop computer. My husband and I do the same thing. How is sharing the same computer snooping? If hubby is doing something he doesn't want his wife to see, then he's pretty dumb himself to do it on the computer he is sharing with her. I agree with the Annies on this one. Either it's spam or hubby's brother is the guilty party.
Comment: #15
Posted by: LibraryKat
Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:17 AM
Ariana, it's not at all statistically improbable that a letter written to more than one advice columnist will be published without the columnists colluding. And how would the two Amys, Carolyn, the Annies, Prudie and all the rest, who all lead very busy lives, find the time to collude?
Comment: #16
Posted by: Kimiko
Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:32 AM
IT is entirely possible that the activated profile is spam. I work in the computer defense industry at an international level and she should keep an eye on the situation, but not jump to conclusions.
Comment: #17
Posted by: davem
Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:49 AM
Re: Agnes- To be grammatically (and factually) correct, it should read "As a retired strategic planner [...], I..."

ok Agnes... the letter writer is a retired stragetic planner not a retired english teacher nazi...

I think pretty much everyone got the gist of the letter so if you and Ariana had too hard of a time figuring out what was going on maybe you should stick to sites that were designed for kids...
Comment: #18
Posted by: duh
Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:54 AM
Oh...here we go again with the Feminists! What the hell is wrong with you women anyway? Why can't you act more like your predecessors of years gone by? Had this been 1950, the guy would not have been considered "creepy". He simply liked a girl and pursued her. Now you women of today take that as "stalking". It's a wonder any man has a chance today with women like you! God what I wouldn't give to have dated some of the women from 50 or 60 years ago (no smart ass responses please, you know what I mean). A gentleman brings you flowers and a card, you say,"Thank you". If you aren't interested in the fellow, politely say, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice guy but I am not interested". Then the guy goes his way, simple as that.
Comment: #19
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:07 AM
The first LW wrote to the Advice Goddess a few weeks ago. This guy is not wrapped too tightly. A bit obsessed.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Anji
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:16 AM
Re: VAdame
Hey, I remember reading that! Although Amy Alkon is a LOT less polite about it (and very, very funny), yeah, they're both right: get lost, buster. It's only a matter of time before the poor woman files a complaint for harassment and takes a restraining order.
And, by the way, it IS only physical attraction - you know nothing about this woman, what else do you think there can possibly be? Physical attraction that's turning into an obsession.
What are you gonna do now, go through the entire roster of advice givers on the Net and see if you can find one who sides with you?
Comment: #21
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:23 AM
Re: bugz
There are hundreds, if not thousands of advice givers on the Net, some more legitimate than others. You can't expect the Annies or anyone else for that matter to be able to read them all. That creep will keep on shopping until he finds a like mind - what mind? - who agrees with him.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:25 AM
Oh, and one more thing. You women are all so paranoid. You need to stop watching Lifetime, Oxygen that depicts men as stalkers, rapists or abusers. That is the exception, not the rule. There are many decent guys out there who are gentleman and act that way. But you women presume that all of them are the afformentioned, how sad. No wonder there are so many single women out there who act like shut ins. Go to your local church, get involved. There are many decent men there you will find.
Comment: #23
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:35 AM
LW1 sounds like a total creep. "I get what I want?" A girl is a person, not an inanimate object that you want and get. Staying away for a few months is not enough. She is 20 years younger than him and probably think sof him as being her dad's age. And the writer sounds totally immature for 38, to think that a girl he has not really spoken to is "the one." All eh knows about her now is the way she looks, and that is what he has fallen in love with - he rlooks. That's superficial. He rpersonality may not be what he wants, and if it's not, he will try to change her and control her, so taht she does what he wants. She needs to report him to her boss, and he needs to learn to behave like a normal human being. Ask someone else out, or find out why you are such a possessive nutjob.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Salty
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:43 AM
Re: John Wilson
Except that he did not "go his way" and he isn't "going his way" even now. He keeps coming back and coming back and coming back and writes to multiple columnists because they all tell him the same thing and that's not what he wants to hear. No doubt what he wants to hear is what YOU said, Mr. Neanderthal, except that you're no columnist - thank God. You probably also belive that raped women and beaten wives had it coming and that a woman's place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.

It stopped being called 'simply liking a girl and pursuing her' the minute she told him she wasn't interested - the first time. She told him many times he still he won't take no for an answer. That's not 'pursuing', that's harassment and is soon verging on stalking. It can happen to a man too - perhaps if it happens to you, it'll propel you into the 21st century, back from the stone age where you presently reside. Ooga-ooga, grab the girl by the hair and pull her to your cave, right?
Comment: #25
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:50 AM
Re: John Wilson
We women don't presume anything until the man starts behaving like a freak, as in, not taking no for answer. "No smart-ass responses, if you know what I mean", you said? Oh you, poor thing, and now you've got ME giving you well-deserved pissdeleet! I'm sure I won't be the last one!
Comment: #26
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:54 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette

You are the personification of exactly what I am talking about with respect of the dismal quality of women of today. You are making my case for me, self absorbed, paranoid, delusional, oppositional with respect to relationships. I am by no means back wards as you would have depicted me, I am a gentleman who sees clearly how feminism has utterly destroyed woman today. Go talk to some older people, those that are in their 70's or 80's, LISTEN to them, find out why their marriages have lasted 50-60 plus years. Do not rely on you twenty something foolishness.
Comment: #27
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:00 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette

I suspect Lise you are not married. You will in all likelihood drift from one relationship to another because you can never find the "right guy". If you are married, your husband is one who obviously does not wear the pants and is quiet while you bark. Again... go listen to some older folks, they have much wisdom to dispense or crack open a Bible and read 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and chapter 13. You will find wise answers there, and shut off your TV!
Comment: #28
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:06 AM
Re: John Wilson- If you aren't interested in the fellow, politely say, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice guy but I am not interested". Then the guy goes his way, simple as that.

Um... did you miss the whole part where she told him politely several times she wasn't interested and he only tried harder?? It has nothing to do with Lifetime movies... if a man approaches you and you politely tell him you're not interested and he then continues to come to your place of work everyday and bring you flowers and love letters you think one would not get a little scared over that?? How about the fact that this guy could techinically be old enough to be her dad??

Did you write this letter John Wilson???
Comment: #29
Posted by: duh
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 AM
Ummm "Duh" <----- fits you perfectly. I read between the lines "Duh". I also know that what I said in my previous posts is very accurate. Women presume that all men are creeps that attempt to ask them out or show any interest in them, why? Simply that they have been brainwashed into thinking this way. Society has told them that men are bad and that for them to have any control, see men as villains. I am not saying all women are like this. However, the younger generation tends to act this way. I am 46. My parents are in their late 80's. Thankfully I was raised with their wisdom and some old fashioned values that I am thankful for.
Comment: #30
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:30 AM
Re: Salty
Right on!
Comment: #31
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:38 AM
Re: duh

Wow, duh, rude much? I had no trouble at all understanding the letter; I was simply responding to a commenter who didn't understand the comments others had made about the grammar. For the record, I'm not a retired English teacher -- just a 26 year old woman who appreciates grammar. I wouldn't expect someone who can't be bothered to use proper punctuation or capitalization to understand that.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Agnes
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:42 AM
Re: duh

Wow, duh, rude much? I had no trouble at all understanding the letter; I was simply responding to a commenter who didn't understand the comments others had made about the grammar. For the record, I'm not a retired English teacher -- just a 26 year old woman who appreciates grammar. I wouldn't expect someone who can't be bothered to use proper punctuation or capitalization to understand that.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Agnes
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:42 AM
Re: John Wilson
I am the personification of what you have against women because I don't take nonsense lying down. You call youself a gentleman, but you really are is an immature, insecure boy in a man's body, one who can't deal with a woman on a equal basis, so you resort to demands about traditional roles and name-calling with those who don't agree. Yes, there are plenty of perfectly decent men (including the one I care about), in fact the vast majority of men (and women) indeed are decent and it is perfectly true that the freaks are the rare exception.

However, that rare exception can turn a person's life into a living hell and Mister Restaurant-Goer sounds like a typical case, complete with shopping for advice until he finds his fit - that would be you. And I repeat, women can be stalkers too. When the same thing happens to you, you might start to feel a little romantic about such behaviour.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:46 AM
John Wilson wrote: "I suspect Lise you are not married. You will in all likelihood drift from one relationship to another because you can never find the "right guy"."
===============================================
I am married (14 years), and I agree 100% with Lise. My husband is plenty assertive, thank you. If he read your posts, he would call you a Neanderthal.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Carla
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:49 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette

So misguided Ms. Broillette. Hmmm so this guy you are seeing...what number is this one may I ask? I am immature because I tend to listen to those who's marriages have lasted 60+ years? Hmmmm... if that is what you consider immature, I take that as a compliment :)
Comment: #36
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:52 AM
Re: Carla
Yet another feminist, so what else is new. You people are like leaves on the ground. I'll stick to my so-called Neanderthal ways thank you, it is the last vestige of what was good about this nation.
Comment: #37
Posted by: John Wilson
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:55 AM
Re: John Wilson
That's right, start calling names on others who don't agree with you! You don't know what I am and how old I am - I can tell you that I'm not exactly "young generation" nor a bra-burner, and I know plenty of "older" people who don't at all agree with you and who would be horrified that you seem to believe you speak for them.

I'm not in the least interested in "wearing the pants" - a good relationship is a partnership where each member has its own areas of expertise and authority, the two parts completing one another, with one's strenghts shoring up the other's weaknesses. And therein lies the problem with you - for you, there is no partnership, boy-meets-girl affairs are a matter of who's dominating whom. Now I'LL surmise that the reason why you agree with Mr. Pestering-Tom so much is because you behave just like him and you're mad at the world in general and women in particular because your club-over-the-head approach hasn't yielded any results except a criminal record. Perhaps YOU'RE the one who wrote those letters to the Annies and Amy Alkon!
Comment: #38
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:59 AM
Re: Carla
Thanks for the support!
Comment: #39
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:04 AM
Re: John Wilson
Is this some kind of a joke? Are you under the impression that stalking and harassing a woman who politely informed you she didn't want to date you was acceptable "sixty to seventy years ago?" What kind of a skinner box have you been living in? Have you not read any fiction from that period? Or seen any movies other than romances where the whole point is that the couple are meant for each other? In real life chance aquaintances very seldom are permanently meant for one another and trying to pick up the waitress who is 20 years younger than you was always considered creepy.
Also, what's with the drive by insults to Lise and other women commenters? There's no difference between their situation and that of the young woman in the letter. They are women who are exercising their right to an opinion. That's not a character flaw, that's practically a civil right in this country. The subject of the letter is a young waitress who refuses the letter writer's attentions (politely) but by his own reporting he has no intention of respecting her desires. There's zero evidence that this hostile young minx (the nerve of her! rejecting him!) is going to "drift from one relationship to another because she can never find the right guy." In fact, for all the letter writer and you know she's already in a relationship with a guy, or a girl. Rejecting creepy 38 year old "I get what I want" is only a sign of desperation and "oppositional behavior" in bizarro world where he's the best she can do and she'd better get with the program before he falls for another waitress in another diner. In the real world, where we are all living, no woman (or man) is obligated to accept every offer of sexual interest ever tendered to them--especially not by a complete stranger.
I'd also like to point out that this situation is pretty common: that is, where a man (or a woman) simply can't tell the difference between their desires and other people's desires. John's almost a classic case. He doesn't know the difference between Leave it to Beaver and real American life. If anyone is interested there are two fantastic books about life "sixty to seventy years ago" and how families really worked. One is Stepanie Coontz's "The Way We Never Were" (two centuries of American family life) http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/books/thewayweneverwere/ and the other is World's of Pain by Lillian Rubin which is a sociological study of working class families in the forties and fifties. http://www.amazon.com/Worlds-Pain-Rubin/dp/0465092489/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285689926&sr=8-1
aimai
Comment: #40
Posted by: aimai
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:07 AM
I think that "Tom" should write to all of the advice columnists because maybe if they all tell him the same thing he will stop stalking that poor waitress. If he doesn't hopefully she will get a restraining order.
Comment: #41
Posted by:
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:15 AM
John Wilson- i'm not sure why you have your panties in a wad. We're not talking about some nice man who comes up to a girl on the street and strikes up a conversaton- this man is professing his undying love for a waitres... not a friend or a girlfriend... a waitress who he knows nothing about (except that fact that she's not interested)... so if some random person came up to you on the street and told you they were in love with you and proceeded to follow you around you should marry them because that's the stuff marriage is made of??? I'm pretty sure you're not married and with those beliefs its easy to see why...
Comment: #42
Posted by: duh
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:25 AM
LW1: The waitress has gone beyond what she should have to. This guy said he is a successful businessman. His behavior shows he may have a drop in business when he makes the court news. Hope the gal files harassment charges if he does not leave her alone. Where is the management of the place she works? They will be held liable as well if they do nothing.
He is the age of her father. Pedophiles try to 'fit themselves into young girls' lives as a father figure". Are you sure this is the route you are willing to take? Do the crime, do the time. The more successful you say you are, the more newspapers will carry the stories. Get some counseling. Eat at places with mature waitstaff. Either you will wake up or be charged.
Comment: #43
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:25 AM
Re: Agnes- what's rude is constantly complaining and correcting others grammar when it isn't necessary- everyone could still understand the point that was being made. Some people (not necessarily you) only get on here to gripe about grammar... take it to another forum!
Comment: #44
Posted by: duh
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:29 AM
John: You refer to if this were the 1950s, etc Well, this girl's father, brother, uncle would have come to the place she waitstaffs, in the very LEAST, punch him in the nose. Maybe break his arm, mess up his face. Change your TV channel to the news channels where they tell of the crimes of passion, kidnapping, killings, stalkers going after women, girls, children. Catch them, jail them. Their jail mates will take care of them.

My son is a Master in TKD, Hapkido, Self-Defense. There are more females of all ages in his classes now than 15 years ago. High school seniors are doing this before going off to college, many colleges have martial arts as a REQUIRED gym course. Society behaviors demand this action. He starts kids in Kindergarten with 'space protection'. How not to let others enter your safety zone.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:37 AM
Dear annie,

I am writing to you about people picking up total strangers in their cars. Please don't do it.I don't know what is wrong with these men every time they see me standing on a bus stop and they stop offering me a ride just because I am a pretty blonde woman. These men don't know me, I could get into their car and end up killing them and taking thier money or vice versa, they could end up killing me. so why do these men do it. is it the fact that they think that they could get a good peice of ass at a free price with out thinking. i could have AIDS for god sakes and they still wouldn't care. Men are just horny.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Teresa Walker
Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:00 AM
Re: John Wilson
Obviously you don't see the difference between a man's showing interest in a woman and stalking her, so I won't keep beating that dead horse.
Of course there are wonderful, decent men out there. I have been married to one for seventeen years. But there are also some dangerous, abusive ones. And you don't need to watch Lifetime to know that. All you need to do is read the papers.
If you believe in decent values, one of them is politeness. Try showing some.
Comment: #47
Posted by: JMG
Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:15 AM
Re: John Wilson
Obviously you don't see the difference between a man's showing interest in a woman and stalking her, so I won't keep beating that dead horse.
Of course there are wonderful, decent men out there. I have been married to one for seventeen years. But there are also some dangerous, abusive ones. And you don't need to watch Lifetime to know that. All you need to do is read the papers.
If you believe in decent values, one of them is politeness. Try showing some.
Comment: #48
Posted by: JMG
Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:17 AM
John Wilson, I am a few years OLDER than you, so you cannot lump me in with what you are assuming (with no evidence) are 20-something feminists of today.
Also, I HATE the Lifetime channel, due to the very concepts you mention - too many plots about men being evil, and women being clueless victims, who nevertheless with implausible suddenness grow a backbone and triumph over their abuser.
I dated a lot of great guys before meeting my wonderful husband of many years. The men I know are overwhelmingly nice; jerks are VERY rare.
So, to a point I understand where you are coming from: there is such a problem in society. Where you lost me is that you had no reasonable basis for assuming the people posting here are guilty of that thinking. The only thing they may have been guilty of is not spelling out their reasoning, because to them it was obvious what distinguished LW1 from normal guys.
So I will spell it out for you:
1) LW1 knows NOTHING about the "girl of his dreams" except what she looks like and where she works. Now, watch how I present evidence to support my assertion. He says himself that his feelings started the first day he saw her. He says himself he has been unsuccessful in making conversation with her. Which leads to...
2) This quote: "...or I say something stupid. She isn't seeing the real me" is a big giveaway. Although, as I already agreed, jerks are rare, there ARE some creeps in this world. You are right that a normal man can take no for an answer and "go his way, simple as that." But for those rare men who can't, a common excuse is that the woman did not say no to the "real" him -- she got the wrong idea, and if he could just have another chance to show her a better side of himself, then she would say yes. I think most women would concede that it's possible to have a bad first impression, then later find out the guy is great. Most women would LOVE it to turn out that way - which is why Pride & Prejudice is one of the best-loved romances of all time. But one reason why that idea is so romantic is that it is rare - in real life, if the first few encounters with a man make you dislike him, it's because he is not a likeable person.
3) Another rationalization is his saying his attraction is not merely physical. He thinks this proves his intentions are honorable. Yet he intends to persist in going against her express wishes by continuing to pursue her. It's not honorable, and it certainly isn't love, to do what upsets her.
You also have to ask what part of her he IS attracted to, if it's not physical? It's obviously not her mind, since he doesn't give her credit for having made a reasonable decision when she declined to date him. It's not her feelings, since he plans to persist in ignoring them. Other than her physical form, he doesn't know anything about her to be attracted to. All he knows is some fantasy of her that he developed in his own mind.
4) He is too old for her. I know there are many exceptions, but generally the most successful matches are between people who are relatively close in age.
5) You say 'A gentleman brings you flowers and a card, you say,"Thank you". If you aren't interested in the fellow, politely say, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice guy but I am not interested". Then the guy goes his way, simple as that.' I AGREE WITH YOU!!! The problem with this situation is that she had ALREADY told him she was not interested before he gave her the card and flowers, yet he did not "go his way". Because he is not a "gentleman"!
6) One more rationalization is his remark that his success in business arose from not taking no for an answer. So he is telling himself that his pursuing her says something good about him, that it is admirable. It's not, and on some level, he knows it.

By the way, I too have seen this letter in another advice column. And in that column, he even write a second time, still trying to justify his pursuit of this girl. Any sensible person reading it can see this guy has a problem: http://www.weeklyvolcano.com/mudroom/columns/2010/08/ADVICE-GODDESS-Want-salt-and-pepper-spray-with-that/
Comment: #49
Posted by: cassandr
Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:02 AM
To my strong sisters: just a thought here, a few days ago, there was a poster that started a battle of the sexes on this column and really ticked off several women. I admit I was one of them until another poster pointed out the possibility that this other person was a troll. I was wondering if this is the case for John Wilson.

If he is serious, however, then I guess he's a troll in a different sense of the word. ;)

Yours gruffly,
Comment: #50
Posted by: LibraryKat
Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:26 AM
I am completely with you LibraryKat. In fact I think John Wilson IS Ben.
Comment: #51
Posted by: jasmine
Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:51 AM
I feel badly for LW1 because no one bothered to tell him how he should have gone about 'wooing' the girl of his dreams.
If you think a waitress is cute , you don't watch her silently from afar.
You talk to her like a fellow human being. Talk about the weather and her working conditions.. Let her get to know you. Then, after you are at least casual friends, you can ask her out..
He says "The problem is, every time she comes by, my tongue gets frozen, my voice changes, the words don't come out right or I say something stupid. She isn't seeing the real me. A few months ago, I asked her out. She turned me down" .. OK so you are nervous.. Everyone is awkward during their first encounters. Faint heart never won fair maiden.
It looks like you have seriously creeped out this girl, so leave her alone. There are a lot of girls in this world.. Go find one closer to your own age and you will have more to talk about.
Comment: #52
Posted by: Lamont Cranston
Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:58 PM
LW1 - The only comforting part of the first letter is "I haven't seen her for nearly two weeks." Hopefully, that means that the waitress found a job elsewhere and won't have to see LW1 ever again!

LW2 - I agree with the others. It sounds like spam.

The good thing about people, both men and women, who hate the opposite sex so much (like the misogynists who have been posting lately) is that they generally can't find a mate. Natural selection.
Comment: #53
Posted by: FAW
Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:00 PM
I think we have given Mr Wilson more than enough of the attention he so desperately craves. Let's all just talk to someone else now.
Comment: #54
Posted by: Lynn
Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:49 PM
LW1 - I hope you read this...The girl is not interested in you, plain and simple. You asked her out, she said no. You brought her flowers and a card and she told you, again, she wasn't interested. Now leave her alone. You're becoming infatuated with her. What you have isn't love. Love is something that develops over time when two people establish a relationship or friendship. You don't have either one of those with her. At 38 years old, you should know by now that when someone rejects you, you simply accept it as a part of life and move on. And by the way, her telling you that she's too busy or doesn't date customers was a polite way of turning you down. Trust me, if she was interested in a customer and he asked her out, she'd say yes and she'd find the time.
Comment: #55
Posted by: Michelle
Tue Sep 28, 2010 3:19 PM
Just another data point here. Been happily married over 25 years and have a daughter who's been a waitress. LW1 is PROBABLY harmless at the moment, but his statements --especially, the statement that he always gets "what" he wants, and his refusal to back off -- indicate that he's a likely candidate for escalating his behavior.

As so many people have noted, he doesn't see this woman as a fellow human being, but a prize to be won by persistence. He hasn't a clue how to go about interacting with her, and that's what's scary. She's right to be frightened, and while she shouldn't have to do it, I hope she's lining up another job that she can vanish to, because it doesn't sound so far-fetched to me that this guy is convinced that all it would take to get through to her is to club her over the head and drag her off by force. If it were my daughter, I'd be calling the police for advice.
Comment: #56
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:17 PM
John Wilson (I'll humor you and use your alias, although I suspect you're really Tom, LW1): among your many misconceptions is that because two spouses stay married until one dies, they were/are happy together. Not necessarily! Lots of wives stayed with husbands they didn't love because they had no way to support themselves. My parents' 42-year marriage looked idyllic, but when my mother died I was dumbfounded when her girlfriends and sisters told me she had been miserable.
Back when Ann Landers and Dear Abby were the only advice columnists who mattered, one of them once answered the question "What's the proper way to address a widow?" with the stock etiquette-book answer, "She is properly addressed as Mrs. Husband's Name." A month or so later, Ann-or-Abby confessed to being surprised and disheartened by the number of letters she'd received that went something like, "My old man was mean as a snake, and the day he died was the happiest day of my life. I don't EVER want to hear his name again, and don't you call me by that name!"
I notice, John, that while you talk about your parents' marriage, YOU don't mention having a wife. I'm not in the least surprised.
Another thing: stalkers were not an invention of the Lifetime Channel. Before stalking was criminalized, women used to go to the police all the time, wanting them to do something about men who harassed them and wouldn't take no for an answer. Invariably, the police replied, "We can't do anything until a crime has been committed." If it happened that the first time the stalker committed a crime, he murdered his victim--well, life isn't always fair, right?
Comment: #57
Posted by: Kimiko
Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:47 PM
Yeah, JW is a troll - of the internet sort, not the under-bridge living, fairy tale kind, lol. Once that waitress said no the first time, game over - time to move on.
Comment: #58
Posted by: Lisa
Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:55 PM
John Wilson, I'll humor you and use your alias even though I suspect you are "Tom," LW1. Among your many misconceptions is that because spouses stay together until one dies, they were/are happy. Wrong! Women who can't support themselves and/or children, stay with abusive husbands no matter how miserable they are as long as they see no way out of their dilemma. (All those 70- and 80-year-old couples you mentioned? It would be interesting to take each husband and wife off by him- or herself and ask what they REALLY think about their spouses.)

Back when Ann Landers and Dear Abby were the only advice columnists who mattered, one of them answered the question "How do you properly address a widow?" with the stock etiquette-book rule, "You address a widow as Mrs. Husband's Name." A month or so later, Ann-or-Abby admitted she was surprised and disheartened by the many letters she received which went something like, "My old man was mean as a snake. The happiest day of my life was the day he died. I never want to hear his name again, and don't you call me by that name!"

Also, stalking did exist before Lifetime movies. Trouble is, when it wasn't a crime, women who appealed to the police for protection against a violent or creepy man would invariably be told, "Lady, we can't do anything until a crime has been committed." If that meant that a man's first crime ended in murdering his victim -- well, John, I guess you'd be the first to say life isn't always fair. After all, I notice that while you talk about your parents' marriage, apparently a "great catch" like YOU doesn't have a wife.
Comment: #59
Posted by: Kimiko
Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:55 PM
Re: Kimiko ---- Thank you for that post! Since I have worked in nursing homes on and off for years I get thoroughly disgusted hearing people talk about how *back then* marriages lasted for life. Well of course they did! Back then women relied upon husbands supporting them and the kids. They lived with abuse and infidelity. Women now will not allow themselves to be treated badly and will not accept cheating husbands as a way of life.
Comment: #60
Posted by: Cathy
Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:15 PM
LW1 - Ew. Please leave her alone... you asked her on a date, she said no for VALID reasons, that should have been the end of it. The fact that she "reluctantly" took the card means you probably goaded and embarrassed her, likely in front of other customers, until she took it to get you to leave her alone.

You talk about always getting what YOU want... have you thought about what SHE wants? Doesn't seem that way - but you can certainly start doing that today, beginning with honoring her requests to let her be.

LW2 - Yep, sounds like a spam or phishing scam to me. Might want to run a scan for viruses or spyware on your machine in case one of you inadvertently opened something you shouldn't have... I would also invest in security type software such as Zone Alarm and double check your system settings to ensure nobody's hacking into any open portals.

LW3 - It's not enough to tell this pedophile uncle to stay away from the kids... he's already proven he's not capable of staying away from, or having good intentions for, ANY child. There are lots of parents with stories about how a family member managed to touch their kids inappropriately when they turned their backs only for a few seconds while in the same ROOM. The only solution is to never, ever, allow a known perp, in or out of the family, around your kids. Ever.

John Wilson - Go crawl back under your bridge before I send the billy goats after you.
Comment: #61
Posted by: PS
Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:56 PM
Re: John Wilson - Oh, what fun, the ignorant little man is back! I see he is no longer posting his phone number, but you can find him right here: http://www.premierbathrooms.net/service.html Isn't it amusing that the "traditional values" he celebrates do not include correct grammar, punctuation and capitalization?
Comment: #62
Posted by: Susan B. Anthony
Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:07 PM
@ PS and Lisa: I'm so glad I'm not the only one who remembers fairytales from childhood. :)
Comment: #63
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:07 AM
Creepy only counts when your ugly. You have no idea what this guy looks like. BTW, my 18 year old niece said that you are two old creep-ettes.
I agree with your advice though. No means no.
Just leave the name calling out of it.
Comment: #64
Posted by: JimI
Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:33 AM
DUH, Matt! You were too ignorant to realize the commentors were remarking on the poor grammar of the LW saying "As a retired strategic planner with the Michigan Department of Corrections who has studied pedophilia, YOU...." So for you, reading the sentence once more will not work if you are ignorant of grammar.
Comment: #65
Posted by: ClayMore
Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:48 AM
Re: JimI: But that's not true. Physically attractive people can be very creepy. It's all about the behavior.

P.S. Maybe you should tell your niece to leave the name-calling out of it too.

Comment: #66
Posted by: Van Wickle
Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:21 AM
Re: cassandr
If it comes to that, I'm four months shy of my 59th birthday myself, so I found it quite amusing that Mr. Neanderthal thought I was some inexperienced 20-something &#252;ber-feminist simply because I don't agree with him.
Comment: #67
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:27 AM
The mess on the last post should have been uber-feminist with a umlout - a word to the wise: alt characters do not work when posting!
Comment: #68
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:29 AM
Re: FAW
I sure wish you were right when you say that mysoginists rarely find mates, but unfortunately, you're not. I'm self-employed and I have several areas of business activity, each with a separate crowd - the number of people I know is staggering and I also deal with the public. I'm sorry to say that I've encountered many mysoginists and that they all had women in their lives. Although the fabric of society has changed (a fact much memoaned by the John Wilsons of this world, since as far as they're concerned a woman's place is under an abusive man's thumb) and women no longer have to stay married 50 years to a cheat and a wife-beater, sadly there are a lot of women who think so little of themselves that they accept bad treatment. When you grow up with an abusive father, sadly, it may take years of therapy to realise that this is not par for the course.
Comment: #69
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Sep 29, 2010 8:35 AM
@Lise Brouillette

What you just posted above reminds me of some advice offered to my husband when he was in high school: if you want to be a ladies' man, treat the women like dirt. It's sad but there are many women out there who love the bad boy. My brother would treat his girlfriends like queens...before they dumped him for a jerk.

I never understood the attraction. My husband never took that advice...I told him it was good he didn't or I would not have looked at him twice. :)
Comment: #70
Posted by: LibraryKat
Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:16 AM
Re: Cathy--I, too, get tired of people acting like things were so much better 50-100 years ago. My mother has been married almost 65 years to my father, and she's been praying for him to die for the last 50. She thinks it's her only way out, and I'm hoping she has a few years to enjoy for herself.

I've been married to my best friend for 35. When she came to our house, the fact that we were nice to each other made her very uncomfortable, so she told people that my husband was "too good" to me.
Comment: #71
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:13 PM
Re: Susan B. Anthony.... God I feel sorry for your husband or boyfriend :( I make NO APOLOGIES for what I say or write! I am proud to say who I am and where I live. 360-353-8101 Call me if you wish, I have no problem with this! I do not HIDE in anonymity like you or the rest of the embittered feminists women on this site. It is attitudes like yours that the divorce rate is so incredibly high in this nation.
Comment: #72
Posted by: John Wilson
Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:08 PM
P.S Susan B. Anthony: Gosh, it was so nice that you actually kept my web site {blush} Oh, and remember to block your number when you call because I am sure you will, bomb throwers love to throw bombs but rarely have the guts to stand and be counted.

John Wilson
Comment: #73
Posted by: John Wilson
Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:22 PM
Re: John Wilson - Sounds like somebody got his head stuck in a toilet and inhaled too many vapors.
Comment: #74
Posted by: Susan B. Anthony
Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:05 PM
To the readers who remarked on the age difference between "Tommy" and the object of his (unwanted) affection: I believe you are missing the point here. The point is, she isn't interested in a relationship with him, apparently made it clear and he wants to persist in pursing a relationship. Age difference has nothing to do with it. She could have been 37 years old and this same situation could have come up. Now, as far as the age thing goes, I'm not sure what to think -- yes, these April-August romances work out and sometimes they don't. But while age might not matter for Tommy, at least for our waitress friend it may; perhaps she wants to date someone (or possibly already is) her own age or at least closer to it. Then, she could be from out-of-town (and not have family or any possible boyfriend to intervene) or may simply not be interested in any relationship at the moment. I don't think the advice from the reader who suggested seeing this woman in an undesirable light through farting/belching, etc., is the way to go; it may get in the way of finding the actual woman who is right for Tommy. Tommy, relax. There is no future in this relationship, and you probably know it deep down. Move on, and you'll find someone desirable. I don't know what advice to give from there as to procure that relationship.
Comment: #75
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:28 AM
Re: bugz

"Tommy" probably sent letters to multpile advice columnists at the same time, and it is coincidental that they appeared a week apart (and with essentially the same advice).
Comment: #76
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:30 AM
Re: kim

Doubtful. With the columns apparently appearing so close together in date (and remember, these advice columnists likely prepare their columns several weeks ahead of time), "Tommy" sent the letters at the same time. The advice likely won't change, I'm sure, no matter who he sends it to, and I'm not certain any will lend a sympathetic ear to him.
Comment: #77
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:32 AM
Re: LibraryKat
Women are confronted with that problem also. Unless she is lucky enough to find a like mind, the nicer the woman is, the more taken for granted and exploited she will be. I have seen both - couples like my father and stepmother (my mother died in a fire), who treated each other like royalty and stayed HAPPILY married for decades, and men and women who keep being rejected or exploited by jerks, both make and female. That does NOT describe me, by the way.
Ideally, men and women are supposed to be getting together to form a partnership, so that the total ends up being than the sum of its parts and, as a unit, they achieve more and better than they would have separately. Ideally, they are supposed to be at each other's service unquestionably, like I saw my father and stepmother do for each other on an everyday basis for over 40 years. Problems arise when only one is generous and the other a selfish taker, for whom what you do for him/her is never enough and what you ask of him/her is always too much.
Regarding feminism in general, when one half of the couple is unhappy (regardless which half), it is the children who suffer and who end up being damaged - ALWAYS. True feminism therefore has to have a global approach and be good for everybody - it is not a question of just turning the tables so that men are enslaved instead of women.
There are good people both in men and women. I have seen plenty of males who are men enough to be able to treat everyone with respect and I have seen jerks. I have seen women who are generous and loving and I have seen women who are worse mysoginists than serial killers. If the problem was only one-sided, if it was only men who were villains, indeed it would have been fixed a long time ago, simply because women who don't have any issues of their own don't put up with that kind of nonsensical yurunda. As far as I've been able to see of the problem for the past half-century plus, it's pretty much 50-50.
The John Wilsons of the world keep accusing women of seeing villains in all men, but that is exactly what they themselves are doing: to them, every woman is a this and a that, and a bra-burning, fist-shaking uber-feminist the minute she doesn't accept being abused.
Comment: #78
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:40 AM
Re: Joannakathryn
I, too, had a friend who stayed for decades with a complete jerk who treated her like garbage. She called him "my policeman". I kept hoping that he would go first so that she could have a few years free of him, but that is not what happened. I had been reasoning that she must have felt forced to stay because she was dependent on him, but after her death I found out that everything was in her name an that she was financially comfortable enough that she didn't need him to support her. And yet she did stay and put up with that yurunda for decades. Talk about zero self-esteem - and such a wasted life.
Comment: #79
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:49 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette--When I was in high school, I dreamed of getting out and having my mother come live with me, but even though I begged her, she wouldn't leave him. Now, she has conveniently forgotten all the times she told me how awful he was and how unhappy she was, from the time I was about 10. The first time she threatened to kill herself in front of me, I was almost 16. I found out later from her family that she has done that all her life. She's passive-aggressive.

He has bragged about leaving her "nothing" in his will. He's so stupid that he doesn't realize that Texas is a community property state and she'd get half anyway. My cousins on his side of the family were all warned against him by his brother (my uncle), and they all think he's a buffoon.

She always told me I'd marry somebody just like him, and then when I didn't, she couldn't stand it. A few years ago, I met a lady who lived near them and when I told her who I was, it was like she backed away from me. I assured her that I was nothing like him. He is evil. And she agreed.
Comment: #80
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:49 PM
Re: Lise Brouillette
(your words) ----> "Women are confronted with that problem also. Unless she is lucky enough to find a like mind, the nicer the woman is, the more taken for granted and exploited she will be." So, Lise... you see women as victims? Well, that is a far cry from Feminism. I thought you were supposed to be in power? Have control over your lives? No one can be a victim unless they ALLOW themselves to be a victim. I've met many selfish women as well as men. It is people who are selfish. Women can ONLY be victims if they allow themselves to be.
(your words)
"The John Wilson's of the world keep accusing women of seeing villains in all men, but that is exactly what they themselves are doing: to them, every woman is a this and a that, and a bra-burning, fist-shaking uber-feminist the minute she doesn't accept being abused." I accuse Feminists, not REAL women! I've met many real, decent women who want nothing to do with the sewer that was piped out of the 1960's by Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem. Feminists have taken word "Abuse" and have given it a whole new definition and sub definitions, everything from if a couple were to get into argument, the man raises his voice, suddenly the male is abusing the woman because he has an opinion or his voice is being raised ever so slightly, not so if the woman raises her voice, she simply trying to be heard. And people like you, Lise Brouillette, perpetuate this nonsense. Feminism wants to place men in a box, that for men to act like men is frowned upon, they need to engender their more feminine side. This is crap! I have a wife, I treat her like a queen. She wants NOTHING to do with the Feminist nonsense. I have tremendous respect for her and treat her as such. You want to learn how couples and marriages should interact? Read 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
Comment: #81
Posted by: John Wilson
Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:49 PM
It appears there was a terrible accident in 1970 and the little Wilson man was accidentally frozen in a big block of ice. He has just thawed out and is feeling very excitable. Can somebody offer him a couple of Valium, please?
Comment: #82
Posted by: Susan B. Anthony
Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:10 PM
Actually.... I am 6',1" 255.. I would hardly call that small :)
Comment: #83
Posted by: John Wilson
Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:57 PM
Oh, and you were about two decades off, 1950 would be allot better..oh man! Put me in a 1948 Cadilac, a big fat cigar and a double breasted suit with a hat listening to some Nast King Cole.. I'm in heavan!
Comment: #84
Posted by: John Wilson
Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:59 PM
Re: John Wilson
I was very careful (and I meant it) to make that post gender-neutral. You only see what you want. Definitely women are not all victims and men are not all villains, but YOU are. It is because of men (and women) like you that divorce laws are necessary.
Comment: #85
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Oct 1, 2010 5:23 AM
Re: John Wilson
Susan B Anthony was referring to your brain...
Comment: #86
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Oct 1, 2010 5:26 AM
Re: Lis Brouillette

Such denial Lise.... no, it is people like me, (men and women) that marriages last. it is women (and men) like yourself that marriages don't last sad to say and the reason why prenuptial agreements, divorce attorneys etc, the entire repugnant system that lawyer rats make money off of are due to people like yourself, are needed. Let me ask you Lise, (since you have so many on this board who seem to agree with you, a chorus of feminists), was the divorce rate higher 70 years ago or now? Once upon a time in America, husbands and wives worked it out, stayed together. It is women like you that have redefined the word "Abuse". That is your exit card that women without exception, always use today. EVERYTHING is abuse now. God forbid the man disagrees with you because then he is considered an "Abuser". If a man acts like a man, he is deemed inconsiderate and boarderline abuser. This is sick. Facts are facts, the divorce rate is at an all time high, more than 60% of marriage now end in divorce. It was not that way prior to the Feminist movement. Kernal of truth here Lise, think about it. Maybe I'm not 100% correct, but there is a kernal of truth to what I am saying.
Comment: #87
Posted by: John Wilson
Fri Oct 1, 2010 7:25 AM
The only reason the divorce rate was lower years ago was because divorces were not very easy to get. Many marriages were quite miserable.
Comment: #88
Posted by: JMG
Fri Oct 1, 2010 8:08 AM
Anyone else willing to lay money that Mr. Wilson is a good Christian TeaBagger?
Comment: #89
Posted by: Candi Anne
Sat Oct 2, 2010 1:02 AM
I wouldn't put any money on Mr. Wilson being anything other than mildly disturbed. A guy who spends several days lecturing married women on how unmarriageable they are, and yearning for a time (before he was born) about which he knows nothing, is on the far side of delusional. Everything else is probably just icing.


aimai
Comment: #90
Posted by: aimai
Sat Oct 2, 2010 6:22 AM
Re: LibraryKat:
"I was a billing collector for credit cards issued from a local bank a couple of years ago. One day I called a customer about his past due account and he actually tried to hit on me. How desperate do you have to be to hit on a bill collector? Yes, it's very creepy!!!"

LibraryKat - do you think you might have been speaking to Jack Olds who often posts on Susan Deitz? He is obviously desperate. :-)
Comment: #91
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Sat Oct 2, 2010 7:48 AM
e that wish to destroy us, or this country will split, it has become too polarized and this forum is evidence of that. Re: Candi Anne

Anyone want to lay money on Candi Anne is a left wing, Liberal, socialist who hates America? I'd put money on that.

Re: aimai Oh, and yes, I would LOVE to go back to a time before the Hippies POLLUTED our great nation. You Liberals are such hypocrites! Nixon got us out a Vietnam, your Johnson got us in there and McNamara perpetuated it hence 50,000 plus Americans died! Nixon secretly bugged the water gate hotel and eavesdropped, YOUR Clinton lied, many people suspiciously died in and around his administration and the white Watergate. God you people are such hypocrites but you will never see it. Now you are throwing out the red carpet for the Muslims and their mosque at ground zero, fools!

Yes, you won that bet Candi, I am a Christian and a Tea Party member, a CONSTITUTION party, something you fools no nothing about. One of two things will occur and soon. Either we will be taken over as a country by those who hate us or this country will split as it has become too polarized and this forum is evidence of that.
Comment: #92
Posted by: John Wilson
Sat Oct 2, 2010 8:33 AM
John Wilson,
I think you forgot to throw fluoridation of the water and the sapping of our great, national, bodily fluids into that rant. Are your really the ghost of John Birch or just a spoof? Enquiring minds want to know.

aimai
Comment: #93
Posted by: aimai
Sat Oct 2, 2010 8:57 AM
Re: aimai--Agreed. I've been married for 35 years, quite happily, but according to our resident troll, I shouldn't be. I'm glad I was born in the last half of the 20th Century and not before. If I'd had to remain married to my first (village idiot) husband, I'd have killed myself.

So many of the women I observed while growing up were desperately unhappy. They were stuck in marriages where their husbands were just plain mean. I remember working in an office and listening to several of the men talk about hitting their wives. They got mad, hauled off and slapped them, and thought it was okay.

I was young, but I thought, if my husband ever hits me, he'll draw back a nub.
Comment: #94
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sat Oct 2, 2010 10:12 AM
Re: aimai. Matt and John Wilson......... separated at birth??
Comment: #95
Posted by: Brock O. Lee
Sat Oct 2, 2010 3:46 PM
Re: Joannakathryn
You sound like a real shrew. I've NEVER hit a woman in my life! Always treated my wife like a queen. If that makes me a troll, so be it. You probably found a man that acts like a mouse and won't say anything back to you in your selfish tirades is my guess. Oh and yes, had I been old enough? I would have voted for Barry Goldwater in 1964 then the 50,000 plus deaths in Vietnam would never have happened nor would your queen, Jane Fonda been able to do such a despicable act by turning over those notes to the guards of the American prisoners. You feminist Liberals all make me sick to my stomach!
Comment: #96
Posted by: John Wilson
Sat Oct 2, 2010 5:47 PM
Re: John Wilson--My husband is a successful sales manager and business coach, so he's hardly a mouse. And coming from you, calling me a shrew is a compliment.

I didn't say you'd ever hit anybody. I was sharing my own observations about marriage while growing up.

I can think of a few names I could call you, but I won't stoop to your level.

Comment: #97
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sat Oct 2, 2010 11:45 PM
Re: John Wilson--Oh, and that bit about Jane Fonda turning those notes over to the Viet Cong is total bunk. An urban legend. Snopes.com covered that years ago. LBJ and Nixon are responsible for all those lives lost in Vietnam, not JF.
Comment: #98
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sun Oct 3, 2010 12:52 AM
Here's a curious question I'm sure readers will have to follow up your sage advice about Tommy and his (unrequited) crush on the waitress. Let's assume that Tommy accepts Annie's advice, hard as it might be for him, and eats somewhere else for awhile. Then, the chance meeting happens: He sees her elsewhere in the community, perhaps at a bar or a movie theatre, the store or possibly another restaurant/place of employment (where she may work and/or he may patronize). (And this all assumes that the waitress is from/intends to stay in the community where she's going to college.) What then? My guess is that if at all possible, he should simply walk away and not engage in conversation (except for perhaps a polite "excuse me" if the situation warrants). If there are other answers for Tommy, please post them. I'm sure he needs it.
Comment: #99
Posted by: Bobaloo
Mon Oct 4, 2010 8:25 AM
Re: Bobaloo
You are absolutely right. Once two people are adult, whomever is a little of much older or younger than the other is immaterial. What matters here is that he's goo-goo-ga-ga, she's not interested and he's not taking no for an answer.
Comment: #100
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:32 PM
Re: Joannakathryn
"Now, she has conveniently forgotten all the times she told me how awful he was and how unhappy she was..." This is typical, and I have seen this behaviour with abused people (men and women) time and again. The minute they leave the abusive partner or the abusive partner dies, they start remenbering only the good times. And that IS the problem - there will have been good times, and plenty of them. Nobody has only faults and then there's the fact that abusive people (men and women both) can be extremely charming, of course - you don't attract flies with vinegar, do you now.
Comment: #101
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:37 PM
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