Recently
Hands Are Tied when a Messed-Up Child Is a Legal Adult
Dear Annie: My 20-year-old nephew has been a troubled youth, despite all the attempts of his family to help him, including counseling and rehab. When he was 18, he became involved with a messed-up 14-year-old girl who used drugs, alcohol and sex to …Read more.
Damaging Favoritism Amid Broken Boundaries
Dear Annie: I have two daughters, ages 5 and 2. My in-laws favor the older girl. They buy her more presents, give her more money and pay way more attention to her than to her sister. They almost seem obsessed with her. As soon as she walks in the …Read more.
Ex Con on the Straight and Narrow Canned
Dear Annie: After eight years at my job, I was let go. I have a felony record. The CEO who knew of my background retired last year. He felt I had proved myself and had no problem with me. When he retired, we got an interim CEO. I told him about my …Read more.
Equal Parts Heart Over Equal Parts Money
Dear Annie: My husband and I work comparable hours, but I earn less than half of what he does and have little discretionary income. I come home to my "second shift," which includes cooking, cleaning and picking up after this man, who …Read more.
more articles
|
Annie's Mailbox®, February 5Dear Annie: My father has hurt our family with drug use, alcoholism and lies, and we haven't spoken in more than a year. Recently, he has been attempting to contact me. He's sent voicemails, letters and a few e-mails. We e-mailed a little bit in the past week, but I told him I wasn't ready to talk. I'm not sure what to do. At some level, I realize the only reason I'm in touch is to express how much anger I have toward him. After seriously thinking it over, I've decided I don't really want a relationship. It's not fair to me to go through this pattern one more time, and I can't take being hurt again. But I feel guilty. Maybe this time he's genuine about wanting to change and it's wrong of me not to give him another chance. But every time this has happened in the past, I only end up getting hurt. Please help. — Still Hurting Dear Still: It's understandable that you keep hoping your father will straighten out and be the person you want him to be. You don't have to keep in touch if you don't want to, but if you decide not to give up on him, you will need to protect yourself emotionally. Accept the fact that he may never change and you might be able to continue an e-mail correspondence. It will allow you to stay in touch, keep track of whatever progress he might make and let him feel part of your life, while maintaining enough emotional distance that you won't be kicking yourself later. Keep your expectations low, and do not allow him to make additional inroads unless you are prepared for any negative consequences. Dear Annie: I have two sons, ages 2 and 4. They get invited to many birthday parties together. I understand the cost is greater for the host to have both of my boys, and at this age, parents are typically invited to stay, as well. I will either give the birthday child one $20 gift from both or two $10 presents. However, when my boys have birthday parties, regardless of how far in advance I send out invitations, family members seem to be the only ones who attend.
I don't really care what kind of gifts my children receive, but I am wondering whether I'm overdoing it. Could this be why friends don't come to my children's parties? Do they think I expect them to spend as much as I do? — Unopened Goodie Bags Dear Goodie: Maybe. You are not doing anything wrong, but that doesn't mean other parents aren't intimidated. It's also possible they have other objections. If you are particularly close with one of the parents, it wouldn't hurt to inquire. But some of this will resolve itself as your children get older and they and their friends are invited individually, without parents, to one another's parties. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Worried in Pennsylvania,” whose fiance's disrespectful 17-year-old daughter gets suspended from school and wrecks cars. We had a teenager like that. Through the advice of friends, we had him checked by a psychiatrist, who wound up treating him for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD was fairly new then, and a lot of people still have mixed feelings about it, but after being put on medication, the positive changes in our son's behavior were almost immediate. “Worried” should do whatever she can to get this girl to a psychiatrist or neurologist who is experienced in dealing with ADHD to see whether that's the cause of her behavior. — Former Pennsylvanian in California Dear Former: Thank you for pointing out that there can be many reasons for reckless behavior in teens and it is always a good idea to see whether there are medical causes behind it. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
