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Annie's Mailbox®, March 20 Dear Annie: My son was recently married in a small, private ceremony. For some unknown reason, my mother did not want to attend, but eventually, she and my father decided to show up. The entire time, my mother acted very rudely toward my son, my in-…Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 19 Dear Annie: My son and his wife have been married 12 years and have two beautiful daughters. But I am terribly concerned about their eating habits. This is doubly difficult, as my daughter-in-law is the boss in this family and thinks she knows …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 18 Dear Annie: I am a successful and happily married 28-year-old woman. I have a good life, for which I am grateful, except for one thing. When I was 15, a close family friend 15 years my senior was staying with my family. I considered …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 17 Dear Annie: I am 28 years old and have lived with the same man for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters, ages 8 and 4. Last May, "Rob" and I decided to take an extended vacation. We bought an RV and spent the summer traveling and …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, January 27

Dear Annie: I have four grown children. However, I am not entirely certain that my second daughter is my biological child. Around the time she was conceived, my wife had an affair with my brother-in-law.

Before my wife passed away, she swore that daughter was mine, but I can see no trace of myself in her or in any of her offspring. My other three children bear a strong physical resemblance to me, and so do their children.

I realize it is not her fault if she is not my child, and I would not treat her or her children any differently. But before I die, I would like to know the truth. Is there any way I could secretly obtain a DNA specimen from her to do a test? No matter which way it turns out, I would share the results with no one. — Tennessee

Dear Tennessee: There are ways to get specimens, but we are asking you not to do this. It will only bring you peace of mind if you discover she is indeed your biological child. Regardless of your promise, if you find out she is not yours, you may not be able to treat her the same. Keeping the secret will create stress and could undermine the relationship you now have. The only valid reason for doing a DNA test is to provide your daughter with an accurate medical history, but if you don't plan to inform her, this doesn't apply. We urge you to convince yourself she is yours and believe it with all your heart, because in the most important sense, it is true.

Dear Annie: My cousin likes the same guy I like. She actually liked him first, but I've really fallen hard for him. I've known “Justin” for two years, and he has told me that he really likes me, too. We enjoy being together, but my cousin insists they're “meant for each other.”

I've tried to tell her that Justin and I are happy with each other, but she always starts crying.

Justin said he's flattered by her attention, but he doesn't feel the same way about her. He says I'm his “future girlfriend.”

I'm afraid to bring it up with my cousin and tell her about my feelings because she has a bad habit of spreading rumors when she's upset. I don't want to go down that road again. Should I just come out and tell her? — Justin's Girl

Dear Justin's Girl: There's no reason for you to bring it up at all. Your cousin has a crush on Justin. It's up to him to let her know whether he's interested or not. If you become overly involved explaining things, your cousin will hold you responsible for whatever happens. It would help if she could focus her romantic interests on someone else, and maybe you could gently push her in another direction.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Uncomfortable Stepmom,” whose 40-something stepson has the nervous habit of touching his crotch in public.

When I was in elementary school, I once went to the bathroom and walked back into class with my zipper down. For days, other students made fun of me and ridiculed me.

I am now 44 years old and have a great life, but to this day, I often check repeatedly to make sure my zipper is up — even in public. My girlfriend mentions it to me when I do it, but the fear of it being unzipped is still there. Perhaps the same thing happened to the stepson and he is just double-checking his zipper. — Making Sure Zipper Is Up

Dear Making Sure: Your letter is proof that childhood teasing can last a lifetime. But please, try to double (or triple) check your zipper before you leave the men's room instead of groping yourself in public.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

8 Comments | Post Comment

To Junstin's girl I think you may not be the only one for Justin. If man fall in love, he may not use the words like "future girl friend" So you'd better rethink about him.

Comment: #1
Posted by: GY
Tue Jan 26, 2010 10:48 PM

"Justin'g Girl" sounds like a 14 year old with a crush - just like her cousin - and she's living in a fantasy world. Justing will find a "real" girlfriend as soon as an interesting one shows up who isn't throwing herself at him.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:12 AM

It sounds like Justin is already dating the cousin. Othewise Justin would not be referring to the LW as his 'future girlfriend'. If he wanted LW as his girlfriend she would be 'current girlfriend'. If the cousin would starting saying things about LW it would most likely be because Justin and LW are carrying on behind cousin's back. Which is a horrible thing to do regardless of age. Since Justin obviously has not set cousin straight on what he really feels about her and LW then he's no prize.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Cathy
Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:42 AM

To Tennessee: I would get that DNA, regardless of the outcome your daughter has the right to her medical history if she is not yours.

Comment: #4
Posted by: Susan
Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:13 AM

Re: Cathy: Well no, it doesn't sound like Justin is already dating the cousin. There's no indication of that. Justin has said that he doesn't feel toward the cousin the way she feels toward him. He might be calling the LW his "future girlfriend" because they're all 12 years old and he's not allowed to date. Or the girls might be 12 and he's 15 and he's calling the LW his "future girlfriend" as a way of giving her a compliment. Or maybe they're the same age and he's interested but not quite ready. We have no way of knowing. As for LW1, this is a very tricky situation. I don't blame him for wanting to know the truth. He must be intensely curious. And his daughter might need the medical history someday. I don't know what the right answer is.

Comment: #5
Posted by: Van Wickle
Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:41 AM

I think the LW needs to evaluate which is worth more to her - a (perhaps temporary) relationship with Justin, or her relationship with her cousin. I doubt she is going to be able to have both. She needs to ask if he's really worth it or not; if she dates this guy, her cousin might never forgive her for it, even if the relationship doesn't last. Regardless of the facts, the LW will be opening herself up to the charge of "stealing" this boy. I don't think either of them should be dating him, now or in the future.

Comment: #6
Posted by: Matt
Wed Jan 27, 2010 6:24 PM

LW1: Get the DNA test done - it's obviously been bothering you for years so just do it. You can contact one of those DNA firms and find out what type of sample they need. If you're in your daughter's life it can't be that hard to get one on the sly. LW2: Get back on the reality train - you are not Justin's girl. If you were Justin's girl you would NOW be his girlfriend. The fact that he says you'll be his girlfriend someday means he's stringing you along until he finds someone better.

Comment: #7
Posted by: Diana
Wed Jan 27, 2010 6:24 PM

To Tennessee: As I read your letter I saw myself as your daughter. I am the youngest of 4 children, 3 with the same parents and 1 from my father's first marriage. I grew up hearing the family joke that the milkman left me , because I didn't look like my siblings. You can not imagine the shock I received when my father pasted away in July of 2008 and the day of his funeral my daughter, who lived near him, told me he told her, I was not his daughter, and swore her to secrecy until his death. I later found out that he had told several other family members this. At the time he became ill my son was getting married in 2 weeks. I spoke with the staff at the care facility he was at and they recommended that I come immediately after the wedding. In my heart something told me not to wait so I called and had them put the phone to his ear to tell him I would leave on Friday and drive down, I live over a 1,000 miles away. The last words I heard him say " was tell her come", over the phone. I was 6 hours away and had stopped for the night when I received the call from my brother telling me he had passed away. I was comforted with the thought that he desired to see me one last time to say good bye, but now I wonder. Instead of saying goodbye I had to plan and execute a memorial service. After 4 days of little sleep this bombshell is dropped on me! Why would he do that? What did he expect to accomplish from this? If It was for my benefit he should have told me years ago. I feel he wanted one last dig at my mother, his ex-wife. You see I know who my earthly father is, He's the man i spent my summers with, that I have wonderful memories of, yet I know wonder who the sperm donor was and should I search for the answer? So Tennessee I ask you, does it really matter? It's obvious that you still have not forgiven your wife for her affair, since you still questioned her before her death about it. Could you be doing this for the same reason my father may have done this, to make his ex-wife look bad. The only person that will get hurt from this is your daughter. If you love her let it go. If you can't seek professional help.

Comment: #8
Posted by: Diedra Feeney
Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:35 AM
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