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Hands Are Tied when a Messed-Up Child Is a Legal Adult
Dear Annie: My 20-year-old nephew has been a troubled youth, despite all the attempts of his family to help him, including counseling and rehab. When he was 18, he became involved with a messed-up 14-year-old girl who used drugs, alcohol and sex to …Read more.
Damaging Favoritism Amid Broken Boundaries
Dear Annie: I have two daughters, ages 5 and 2. My in-laws favor the older girl. They buy her more presents, give her more money and pay way more attention to her than to her sister. They almost seem obsessed with her. As soon as she walks in the …Read more.
Ex Con on the Straight and Narrow Canned
Dear Annie: After eight years at my job, I was let go. I have a felony record. The CEO who knew of my background retired last year. He felt I had proved myself and had no problem with me. When he retired, we got an interim CEO. I told him about my …Read more.
Equal Parts Heart Over Equal Parts Money
Dear Annie: My husband and I work comparable hours, but I earn less than half of what he does and have little discretionary income. I come home to my "second shift," which includes cooking, cleaning and picking up after this man, who …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, January 17Dear Annie: Six months ago, my mother and I got into a heated argument over something rather trivial and we both said things we shouldn't have. After several weeks, I tried to make peace. I forgave her for what she said, but she refused to forgive me. Two months later, she started another argument and things escalated. This time, various family members and friends intervened to help bring us back together. I apologized, but she didn't. Nor did she forgive me. Last week, she provoked me again. Instead of sticking around to get into a heated argument, I walked out. Through third parties, I let her know I was finished talking to her and she was dead to me. I never wanted this nasty kind of relationship with my mother. I know she has a high-stress job and it sometimes brings out the worst in her. I also considered that this might be the beginning of Alzheimer's, since it runs in her family, and irritability and irrational confrontations are symptomatic. Still, I'm tired of being her verbal punching bag and felt I had to draw the line. The rest of my family agrees with me. Do you think she will ever realize the error of her ways before it's too late? — The Unforgiven Kevin Dear Kevin: You and your mother both seem rather volatile. She may be picking fights, but you respond by escalating the hostilities. If Alzheimer's is interfering with her ability to control herself, a better understanding of her mental health issues could give you some emotional perspective. Please stop demanding apologies and forgiveness. Instead, pretend the argument never happened, and if she starts up again, simply walk away as you did before (without the incendiary "dead to me" comment, please). You might also recommend she be evaluated by a geriatric specialist. Sometimes, reconciliation takes compassion rather than ultimatums. Dear Annie: Several years ago, I was divorced. It was mutually agreed upon with no disagreements.
This year, my ex is going to remarry. That's fine with me. It's her life. I'm still in contact with her and her family, and we get along fine. If by chance I get an invitation to the wedding, is it proper to go, or should I stay away? — Not Sure in Pennsylvania Dear Not Sure: If your ex-wife is gracious enough to invite you to her wedding, it means you are welcome to attend. If you still aren't sure, ask one of your children to find out her actual preference. You can always wish her well with a card and gift instead. We commend you on maintaining such a civilized divorce. Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Worried in Pennsylvania," whose fiance's teenage daughter is a bad driver. We also had a bad driver. After the first accident, we told him he needed to be more cautious and slow down. Four months later, there was a second accident. We told him it would be "three strikes and you're out" and if he was in another accident, he would not get his license back until he was 18. A few months later, he came in and handed me his license. I went down to the DMV and turned it in. We were not going to have additional accidents on our insurance. We drove him to work, even though he sometimes had the night shift. It was exhausting, but worth it. On his 18th birthday, a friend took him to the DMV. He bought himself a car and got his own insurance. Now, at the age of 40, he is a good driver. Our two younger children had no driving problems at all because they knew we would take away their license if they were careless. To this family, I say, you may not be popular, but at least the girl will be alive. — Unpopular Mom Dear Mom: We agree the parents need to step up and do something, but the fiance, unfortunately, is not in a position to dictate the terms. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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