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Hands Are Tied when a Messed-Up Child Is a Legal Adult
Dear Annie: My 20-year-old nephew has been a troubled youth, despite all the attempts of his family to help him, including counseling and rehab. When he was 18, he became involved with a messed-up 14-year-old girl who used drugs, alcohol and sex to …Read more.
Damaging Favoritism Amid Broken Boundaries
Dear Annie: I have two daughters, ages 5 and 2. My in-laws favor the older girl. They buy her more presents, give her more money and pay way more attention to her than to her sister. They almost seem obsessed with her. As soon as she walks in the …Read more.
Ex Con on the Straight and Narrow Canned
Dear Annie: After eight years at my job, I was let go. I have a felony record. The CEO who knew of my background retired last year. He felt I had proved myself and had no problem with me. When he retired, we got an interim CEO. I told him about my …Read more.
Equal Parts Heart Over Equal Parts Money
Dear Annie: My husband and I work comparable hours, but I earn less than half of what he does and have little discretionary income. I come home to my "second shift," which includes cooking, cleaning and picking up after this man, who …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, January 15Dear Annie: I have known my husband for nine years, and we've been married for the past three. Unfortunately, it has not been a stellar relationship. My husband has a mental health problem that he dealt with by abusing drugs, which resulted in physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse toward me. We are now separated. To his credit, my husband is receiving counseling and attending support groups, and has been put on proper medication for his mental health issues. He is no longer abusing drugs. I am also in therapy to deal with the trauma and hurt. My husband would like to work things out, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again, let alone go back to someone who caused me so much pain. My question is, would it be safe, after receiving proper help, to return to him? If so, how do I get over the past? It's only been six weeks since we separated, and healing doesn't seem possible. I still love my husband, but I don't think that's enough. I've brought this up in therapy, but have not come to any conclusions. Have others been in similar situations, and has it worked out for them? — Arizona Dear Arizona: If your marital problems stemmed from your husband's drug abuse, and if the underlying causes have been addressed and drugs are no longer an issue, there is hope for your relationship. Naturally, you cannot simply assume he's better. You will have to see him in action over a longer period of time, so please don't rush into any decisions. Get to know him again, and take your time. We are sure our readers will weigh in with their own experiences, and we will print the best ones. Dear Annie: My husband and I have different interests, but we are generally happy as a couple. One of our differences is politics. My problem is, my husband receives political e-mails from one particular friend whom I dislike and whose political views are very one-sided and abhorrent to me. My husband then forwards these e-mails to others. I guess I shouldn't even read them, but I do, and then I get upset.
Dear Offended: We think your husband is entitled to open whatever e-mails he chooses, and you should have your own mailbox so you stop becoming upset over his friends' political views. (And vice versa.) It may be inconvenient, but it is practical and will avoid unnecessary arguments. Dear Annie: I've noticed that when someone writes you about an office problem, you often recommend contacting the human resources department. In most cases, that would not be my recommendation, especially in these times of layoffs and unemployment. I am recently retired, but have some experience as a first-line manager for a large respected company. Here is what typically happens: The employee has a problem of some kind and goes to HR expecting to get resolution. HR then contacts a middle manager in this employee's chain of command. HR expects the management team to resolve the situation and respond back to HR. Many times, the management's response is to be angry that someone "turned them in." Maybe short range it might be resolved, but long range, as one middle manager used to say, "Sometimes the guillotine comes down slowly." My suggestion in most of these cases would be to try diplomatically to resolve the issue directly with the person they are having trouble with. — Been There, Experienced That Dear Been There: We're sure your experience is typical at some companies, but not all. Depending on the work-related problem, employees have limited options. They can put up with it, try to diplomatically resolve it (although that is not always effective), report it to HR or quit. Sometimes there is simply no "best" solution. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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