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Annie's Mailbox®, January 7

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Dear Annie: Some time ago, relatives from out of town asked to visit us when they were here for a nearby event. We agreed, as we seldom get to see these people. To our surprise, they arrived with the dog they had recently rescued from the pound. It was just a few months old and not housebroken. Worse, we were stuck dog-sitting the evening they went out.

Recently, we were at the local market and a woman walked by with a small, very hairy dog riding in the cart. The assistant manager informed us that there are "comfort dogs," and people can take them anywhere if they have the right papers. A week later at our corner cafe, we noticed there was a dog sitting in a chair at the table next to us. We got up and left.

I have nothing against dogs, Annie, but isn't there a proper place for them? What are the rules these days? — Puzzled in California

Dear Puzzled: Comfort animals are not the same as trained service animals for the disabled and do not have the same legal protections, although some courts have given certain protections to doctor-prescribed emotional-support animals. Most laws regarding comfort animals involve fair housing practices and transporting animals on airplanes. There are no specific federal legal protections (yet) allowing comfort animals to sit at restaurant tables or in grocery carts. As for your visiting friends, make sure you inform them next time that their dog will have to stay elsewhere.

Dear Annie: My 24-year-old daughter is living with me because she cannot afford to live on her own with three baby boys. She could receive help from the government but chooses not to apply for assistance. She says it is embarrassing.

She does have a job, but gets no help from the fathers of the children (two different men).

The problem is, this situation is not helping my marriage. My husband has been very patient with his stepdaughter and helps out, but he does not have any patience when it comes to her making the same mistake over and over — having a child out of wedlock or when she's not in a committed relationship.

How do I get my daughter to be more responsible and move out of my house? I love her and my grandchildren and have been helping them for four years, but I am tired and want my life back. — Mother With No Life

Dear Mother: As long as you are taking care of her, your daughter sees no point in getting help from the government or the children's fathers. There are no financial consequences for her poor decisions. She won't become more responsible until she is forced to. Tell her to apply immediately for government assistance and file the necessary papers for child support, because you want her to move out within three months and she will need the money. Help her by babysitting for the kids on occasion or buying her some household necessities, but stop enabling her manipulative, immature behavior.

Dear Annie: I work as a consultant in the health insurance industry. One thing you didn't mention to "Cannot Take Back the Spoken Word" is that the blabbermouth working in the clinic is in violation of federal regulations and federal law from the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), under the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) privacy rules.

Both the "gossip girl" and the clinic may be liable for federal penalties. For more information and instructions on how to file complaints, readers can check the HHS website at hhs.gov/ocr/privacy. — R

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

7 Comments | Post Comment
LW1: "Dog sitting?" What the hell is that? It's not a child (even though some people treat dogs like children), and neither were your friends planning to be gone for a period of days. Put the mutt outside in the yard with a bowl of water and maybe a little dry dog food. Problem solved. And what is a "comfort dog?" A seeing-eye dog or other service animal is one thing, but now we're registering our pets for emotional support purposes and taking them everywhere with us? Rather than just getting up and leaving that restaurant, I would have at least complained to the manager on my way out and let that person know why I was leaving. It's letters like this that make me think the entire world has apparently gone mad. And no, I've got nothing against dogs - provided they're treated like dogs and kept out of places where they don't belong.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Matt
Wed Jan 6, 2010 11:32 PM
Dear Annie,

I'm so glad you did research on the question for Puzzled in California. Many people, including store managers, do not understand the differences between service animals and emotional support animals; nor do they try to learn the difference. This has led to many people bring their comfort animal into stores because they have a doctor's note saying Fluffy makes them feel better. This happens a lot in my area (Humboldt County) and San Francisco has this same problem, but more so. As a service dog handler with a atypical service dog breed to assist with an invisible disability, thank you. I do hope doctors, store managers, landlords, dog license offices, and Animal Control can also do the simple research you have done to learn about the differences between service animals and emotional support animals.

Websites for reference:
www.iaadp.org
www.deltasociety.org
www.humboldtservicedogs.com
Comment: #2
Posted by: HumSD
Thu Jan 7, 2010 8:16 AM
Re: Matt--You are so right. I love animals and they do provide emotional support. We are checking out cats to replace ours which died suddenly, but I don't think I'd appreciate having a dog near me in a restaurant. I'm glad I come from an area that's behind the times.
Comment: #3
Posted by: BB
Thu Jan 7, 2010 9:15 AM
Dear Annie, I think you might have missed the mark on the advice to Mother With No Life. You encourage the daughter to move out thus forcing her to burden "the government" for something that is the responsibility of the daughter and the dead beat fathers. The real problem here is poor life choices by BOTH the daughter and "Mom With No Life".
Apparantly Mom didn't appropriately instill the concept of "being responsible for one's own actions" which is why the daughter is in the situation in the 1st place......AND now Mom wants to duck out of the consequences too!!!!
Don't have government be the escape goat, have Mom handle the situation as it should be done..... The daughter continues to work, the fathers step up to the plate, and Mom with No Life hanging in there helping to resolve family issues on a family basis!!!
Comment: #4
Posted by: J in Pa
Thu Jan 7, 2010 10:10 AM
#1 - Most pets are "comfort" animals these days. Most people get a pet because they enjoy having a pet. The whole doctors note thing is silly, you should only get one if you can't find housing in your price point that allows pets, it shouldn't be used as a right to take a pet anywhere you want to go. If you're so emotionally fragile that you can't leave the house without your pet you need some additional psychological support services.

#2 - What should be embarassing to her is that she has 3 kids by two different men and NEITHER is "helping". It may be news to all of them that they are not supposed to "help" they are REQUIRED to support their kids. Yes, some will shirk their duties but the the first step should be to legal aid to get the child support/custody documents drawn up. Then, she can go to public aid for additional help if needed, but if she does it backward, the 1st thing public aid will do is tell her to sic the courts on the fathers for their share.

Perhaps mom could support her daughter with some long term birth control; I'm thinking IUD, Norplant, something she's not likely to "forget to use".
Comment: #5
Posted by: Mich
Thu Jan 7, 2010 11:09 AM
Dear Kathy and Marcy,
I have never written to a newspaper columnist before, but I just wanted to say thank you for the column where you printed "A Dogs Plea" by Beth Norman Harris. I cut it out at the time because it struck me as a beautiful sentiment about the love of my life, Panda. Unfortunately, the time came when old age and great pain made it necessary for me to let my beautiful Panda go. It was a difficult and tearfull decision.I still miss her terribly, but it was the right thing to do. I love her so much I just couldn't see her in so much pain. Her doctor was so wonderful. I held her through it all, and even after. She had been one of his very first patients when he joined the practice, and he was there for her at the end. That column gave me the courage I needed to show her the love i have for her. Thank you. Floranne Foley
Comment: #6
Posted by: Floranne Foley
Thu Jan 7, 2010 3:54 PM
LW1. I can understand where she comes from. But SHE is the problem. She allowed these people to come and stay with their pet. Why was this person so stupid as to not open her mouth? My dog is my family member and I would never allow someone who does not know her to babysit, EVER! My dog is better behaved then most children. I realize that this is not the case here but the reality of her situation is that she is such a weak willed person she could not open her mouth to say anything to her friends. Why is she writing an advice coloumnist about her own short comings on not being able to but her foot down and say no? I would rather have an untrained dog at my house than ill mannered bratty kids.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Cathy
Thu Jan 7, 2010 5:39 PM
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