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Annie's Mailbox®, January 4

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Dear Annie: My wife decided to offer our young teenage daughter a trip to Japan because a friend of ours moved there last summer. Our daughter would stay for a week with this friend. My wife agrees with me that the decision was impulsive, but we both know it offers an opportunity for our daughter to enjoy a great experience. This friend is only in her 20s, but both she and my daughter are very responsible individuals.

My concern is with the potential dangers of a young girl traveling alone internationally. I have done some research and understand we can have an airline representative escort her through customs to meet our friend. But this is where my trust begins to waver. There's too much of the unknown to make me comfortable. How would the airlines handle the trip when there are plane changes? If something were to happen, whom could my daughter turn to who is trustworthy?

I realize I may be a little overprotective, but in this case there are good reasons. Maybe I've read too much about human trafficking, but it worries me that someone may spot my daughter as a vulnerable target. What is the real risk? How can we best ensure her safety? — Protective Father

Dear Dad: Call the airline about their policy regarding unaccompanied minors who must change planes. Find out whether they provide an escort, and if not, she should ask a flight attendant before leaving the aircraft which gate she is headed for and how to get there. Tell her to watch her luggage when she gets on and off the plane, and to be alert when using airport bathrooms. If she has to wait at the airport, she should stand near other women, preferably those with young families. Make sure she has a cell phone that will work in Japan and is programmed with your friend's number and local emergency numbers. Most importantly, she should carry herself with confidence and pay close attention to her surroundings.

Chances are your daughter will be fine, but it never hurts to take precautions.

Dear Annie: Three years ago, my husband and I met "Elaine." She is now 78 years old and is starting to irritate me by making racist remarks against foreigners. For some reason she hates these people, although I'm sure she doesn't know any of them personally. She also doesn't seem to care who is listening.

At times Elaine is great to be with and quite funny when she's not insulting people. I'd like to keep her as a friend, but I want her to stop making bigoted remarks. Any suggestions? — Canada

Dear Canada: Has Elaine always expressed these opinions aloud, or is this a recent development? Lack of inhibition can be a sign of early dementia, and sudden changes in mental capacity can be symptomatic of a small stroke. If she's simply a bigot, you need to let her know you don't want to hear these comments. Bigots and racists think they can get away with spreading their vile opinions because so few people will stand up to them. Don't be one of them.

Dear Annie: Please tell "J.D. in Connecticut" she is fortunate to have received condolences after her sister's death, even via e-mail.

My 37-year-old son died suddenly six months ago, and some of my family members have not sent condolences in any form. These are people who were brought up with monogrammed stationery specifically for these purposes. I did, however, receive a touching handwritten note from my husband's new chiropractor, who had never met me. That's class.

People claim they don't know what to say. I tell them the worst thing is to say nothing. That gives the message that your loss doesn't matter. For relatives to do that is inexcusable. — Patty in North Carolina

Dear Patty: Our deepest condolences. Please know your letter will educate others.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

6 Comments | Post Comment
This is in response to "Share the housework" and things in general. Your answer does nothing to acknowledge Housework Hubby's efforts around the house. It sounds dangerously close to opposite of the type that might have been printed some decades ago if a housewife complained about the husband not helping out. LIke "That's this way it is, just get on with it". It would be hoped that is not the type of image you are trying to promote. Further, taking into account the fact that this and so many other letters to such an expert authority on all things under the sun involve both male and female human beings, shouldn't the format be more like an "Ann and Dan's Mailbox" (pics inculded of course) than the present one?
Comment: #1
Posted by: Steve
Mon Jan 4, 2010 12:25 AM
In regard to the young teen traveling to Japan alone, you told her parents to advise her to "be alert in airport restrooms." This is useless without specifics: be aloert for WHAT? If it happenes, do WHAT?
Comment: #2
Posted by: Elizabeth Davies
Mon Jan 4, 2010 1:44 AM
Re: LW1 - When my daughter sent my 12 year old granddaughter to visit me flying alone (within the country) she had to pay extra to get the kind of help the letter writer wants. And it's understandable - it's another duty that you're asking strangers to take on. The ticket agents kept her in a secure room behind the ticket counter until I could get there and show identification. It worked well and was worth the money to my daughter.
BTW - I agree with the previous responder who thinks it should be "Ann and Dan's mailbox" or something similar with a man and woman's point of view. Too often the advice in this forum is the muzzy kiss-it-and-make-it better variety. It would be refreshing to hear a man's view once in a while, especially when somebody just needs to be told to grow up and get over it.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Maggie Lawrence
Mon Jan 4, 2010 4:03 AM
I just would not send my teenage daughter to Japan by herself. It is just too dangerous. An airline escort would be great, but why doesn't one of the parents go too and then they will know for sure that she is all right. If they have the money for one ticket, then spring for a parent's ticket. Flying is not what it used to be. I flew from Newark to SLC and in Salt Lake it was a mess and I ended up staying in a motel for 3 hours. I had to find transportation to the motel, check in and then when I got back to the airport, had to haggle with the ticket counter people for another ticket to my final destination, then got to that place and had to rent a car to get to my final final destination. One young boy teenager slept at the airport on the floor. The airlines are a bit iffy nowadays and I hesitate how bad it would be to go clear to Japan and be a child alone. And they regularly lose luggage.
Comment: #4
Posted by:
Mon Jan 4, 2010 6:09 PM
Over the years I have sent many many sympathy cards and only a few times has the receiver even mentioned that they rec'd the cards. I am about to stop sending them, because I don't think people appreciate them. I know when my Dad died, my mother got 150 cards and we sure appreciated them and I thanked the people who sent them. But I sure don't ask if they rec'd them, that would be too tacky. If they mention it fine, if they don't well maybe they were too upset over the death to even notice. But still I might cut back on sending them.
Comment: #5
Posted by:
Mon Jan 4, 2010 7:34 PM
Re: Maggie Lawrence*** "It would be refreshing to hear a man's view once in a while, especially when somebody just needs to be told to grow up and get over it."*** Amen to that. I often fill this role myself in the comment threads, and catch a ration of crap over it from many of the regular posters. It would probably be the same or more so with an actual male columnist.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Matt
Tue Jan 5, 2010 9:29 PM
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