ANNIE'S MAILBOX(R) by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar on Creators.com

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Bleeding Grandma Dear Annie: My mother is 86 and lives in another state. My 33-year-old nephew and his three kids live with her, as do my niece, "Joanna," and her two children. Not one of them has a job. Several months ago, Mom broke her hip and was in …Read more. Jordan Overload Dear Annie: My wife, "Jane," and I have been married for five years, and she is the love of my life. She has an identical twin sister named "Jordan." The two women are best friends. Jordan is at our house four or five times a …Read more. Lawyer Up for Limbo Dear Annie: I have been married to "Clifford" for 36 years. He recently told me he is in love with his secretary and wants to be with her. Did I mention she is 23 and in the process of getting a divorce? Clifford is the last person I would …Read more. Till Mike Do We Part Dear Annie: After 40 years of marriage, my wife came home from work one day and said she was leaving. I decided then that I would never marry again. Four years ago, I met "Lynn." Now, of course, I am madly in love with her. She never …Read more.

ANNIE'S MAILBOX(R)

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married 16 years and have two teenage kids. When we were first married, we were regularly intimate. Even after the kids were born, we were able to have romantic weekends several times a year.

I am now 41, and she is 39, and the last time we had sex was more than three years ago. I know women go through changes, but when I read in your column about women who desire sex from their husbands more than once a month, or couples in their 50s, 60s and even 70s who still enjoy a healthy sex life, I thought, "Why not us?"

My wife was never inhibited, is still beautiful and sexy, and would give any 25-year-old woman a run for her money in the looks and figure departments. I stay in shape, am well-groomed and have a decent job. I help with the laundry, the cleaning and the kids so she can spend time with her friends or go to lunch with her sisters. I'm 99 percent sure she isn't having an affair.

I have tried all kinds of things to get her in the mood — exotic dinners, adventurous outings, candles in the bedroom, massages and once even sent the kids away for the weekend and spent several hundred dollars on a spa afternoon. I often just hug and kiss her with no intention of it going any further.

The mere thought of going to counseling makes me so uncomfortable. Should I just accept the fact that the last time we made love was the last time we will ever make love? — 41 and Done

Dear Done: We hope not. Your wife is much too young for such a diminished libido. Please talk to her and suggest she see her doctor. There could be a hormonal or other medical problem that is interfering with her sex drive. If she is unwilling to discuss it, that's when counseling can help, and we hope you will give it a try.

Dear Annie: Over the past five years, my mother has developed a pattern of alcohol abuse.

She used to drink only in the early evening, but now starts in the afternoon. She consumes five or six glasses of wine before dinner and continues until bedtime. She slurs, repeats herself over and over, and sometimes cannot recall entire conversations she had the night before.

I do not believe anything my mother tells me, because I'm never sure if it is the alcohol talking. She thinks only people who drink hard liquor have an addiction, and that she couldn't possibly be an alcoholic because she only consumes wine. I have encouraged her to get help and offered to go with her, but she refuses. Please help. — Concerned Daughter

Dear Concerned: You can be an alcoholic even if you only drink wine or beer. It's a matter of quantity and how it affects you. You cannot force your mother to get help if she isn't ready to admit she has a problem. You, however, can contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666), which is for family and friends of alcoholics.

Dear Annie: This is in response to "Confused in Riverside, Calif.," who asked about the proper way to identify yourself after saying "hello" on the phone.

The simplest way to handle the problem is to avoid it entirely by answering the phone with one's own name. Instead of saying "hello," say "Mary Smith speaking." That lets the caller know immediately whether or not they have a wrong number and whether they are speaking to the person they wanted. It saves a lot of follow-up questions.

I have always answered the phone that way and taught all five of my children to do the same. It is a courtesy to the caller and avoids one of life's little speed bumps. Hope this is helpful. — Herb in Roanoke

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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This is for Herb about answering the phone. I used to answer the phone with my name just as he suggests, but that was before every other phone call was a solicitor. Now I answer the phone with a very wary, "Hello?" and wait to see who's there before I say anything.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Connie Tyler
Thu Nov 26, 2009 10:42 PM

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Why would you answer your personal phone as if it were a business phone, giving away your name? And why would you teach children to do that? Giving a creep or a salesperson a conversational handle is a very stupid and potentially dangerous thing to do. It is up to the caller to identify themselves and their business first. You owe a caller nothing but courtesy, even as you hang up on the unwanted solicitor.

Comment: #2
Posted by: julia
Fri Nov 27, 2009 3:59 AM

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Re: "Herb from Roankone"
It is a matter of telephone courtesy that the person making the phone call identifies themselves by name, first name if it is a personal phone call, first and last name if it is a business phone call, and when the person you are calling does not know you, and / or are not expecting your phone call.
It is not a safe idea for anyone to automatically identify themselves when they answer their phone, adults and especially children. We are in the day and age of telephone solicitors and devious people who if given that information would run with it. They would then call you by name, as if they know you, and then try to hook you in.
It is the responsibility of the telephone caller to indentify themselves, as they are the ones that are initiating the contact. And when someone calls me, especially if they have their phone number blocked, I automatically ask "Who is calling please." I am never embarrassed to ask. This was the way I was taught since I was a child.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Beej
Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:03 AM

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Someone named "Herb" answers his phone, "Mary Smith"? O-kayyyyy......

Comment: #4
Posted by: VAdame
Fri Nov 27, 2009 5:48 AM

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I agree with the other people. Saying your name when answering the phone is a dumb thing. I think most people say hello.

Comment: #5
Posted by:
Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:01 AM

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I am in complete agreement with the other posters so far. When I answer the phone in my office, I say "Ariana Lastname speaking." When I answer the phone at home or my personal cell, it's "hello." Why in the world would I identify myself, let alone let my children identify themselves to who knows who??? It is the caller's business to tell me for whom they are calling, and if it's the wrong number, I won't have any problem telling them so. All a caller getting the wrong number needs to know is that he/she did not reach the intended party. He/she does not need to know whom they actually reached. I wonder: if total strangers knock on Annies' doors at home, do they also immediately introduce themselves to them?

Comment: #6
Posted by: Ariana
Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:54 AM

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There's no way I'd ever answer my personal phone like that. That's insanity. If I called someone's house and that's how the phone was answered, I'd automatically know I was dealing with a PITA.

Comment: #7
Posted by: Jennifer
Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:29 AM

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when I was little ( like 3 years old and up) and someone called my home I had to say "hello ------- residence may I ask whose speaking?" or something like that then I ask who they were calling for and then passed along the phone or a message I was not allowed to give out my name or any family members first name. now though i just say "hello".

Comment: #8
Posted by: lilly
Fri Nov 27, 2009 12:03 PM

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I'm with the others posters and think "Herb" gave bad advice. Giving out your last or even first name when answering a personal land line phone is foolish and unnecessary. Granted, sometimes when I answer my cell I will say, "This is Matt" if I don't recognize the incoming number or it's withheld. (I get wrong numbers on my cell a lot more often than my land line.) My favorite is when I answer my phone with "Hello?" and the caller says, "Who is THIS?" I always respond, "Uh, you called ME!" That usually makes them sputter for a second, then they identify themselves or at least say who they're looking for. Inevitably, the caller dialed a wrong number, clearly not expecting to hear my voice when his call was answered.

Comment: #9
Posted by: Matt
Fri Nov 27, 2009 11:32 PM

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From the time I was young, my parents taught me to answer the phone with, "Hello, Smith residence" or "Smith residence, Mary speaking," (once I was old enough to be mistaken for my Mom). We have a very uncommon last name which is hard to pronounce, so it was always easy to know a telemarketer; there would be a pause, and then a slaughtering of the name.

Comment: #10
Posted by: blurpke
Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:28 PM

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Edit - part of the reason I was taught to answer like that was because my mother sold real estate. It was not uncommon to have strangers call, and so my mom stressed phone manners.

Comment: #11
Posted by: blurpke
Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:31 PM

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Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

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ANNIE'S MAILBOX(R)

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