Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: "Ben" and I are in our late 50s and recently married. We intended to sell our houses and buy one together, but due to the downturn in the economy, Ben's house is up for sale and we live in mine.

The problem is, Ben has only given me $800 since we married 18 months ago, and $300 of it was to repay me for his car insurance. He continues to maintain his house, including a weekly housekeeper, because his grown daughter lives there and is unemployed. Meanwhile, the bills for my house have almost doubled since he moved in.

I told Ben that I would need to take money from my retirement account to cover the bills, and he said, "Do whatever you need to." He didn't offer to chip in. Ben has a very good job and spends a great deal of money on his hobbies, but not a dime to help with our expenses. I feel he is taking advantage of me. Should I ask him to leave? — Feeling Used

Dear Used: Ben believes he is already supporting a household and shouldn't have to support two. But he should cover his own expenses (and his daughter should cover hers). Tell Ben the situation cannot continue, and if he won't contribute a reasonable amount toward room and board, he will have to move back in with his daughter so you can keep expenses down. Depending upon his response, you will know whether you have a marriage or not.

Dear Annie: My wife's youngest daughter had to move in with us along with her three young children. The children are allowed, even encouraged, to push dining chairs to the counters and climb on up. Countless times, I've seen them sitting on both sides of the stove full of simmering pots and pans. The kids also get up on the counters when no one is around.

I've voiced my opinion repeatedly that this is extremely dangerous. Please help me put a stop to this bad idea. Or, if you think it's fine, then shut me up for good.

Dear Indy: Keep talking because you are absolutely right. These kids could easily be burned by the stove, tumble off the counter, pick up a sharp knife, or open cabinets and have dishes fall on their heads. It's irresponsible of the adults to permit it. If you can't convince your wife or her daughter to help you put an end to this activity, we can only hope someone is always close by to prevent disasters.

Dear Annie: "Hopeless in Parenting" asked about her daughter attending an overnight prom party. The parent must say "no way" when a teen asks about staying over with other couples, especially unsupervised. Prom or no prom, who would allow a sleepover of eight couples with no supervision and a two-hour drive from home? And if the situation gets out of control, what parent would want to drive two hours to retrieve a teen? Imagine what could happen in two hours.

Recently, a 16-year-old in our neighborhood died of acute alcohol poisoning after spending the night at her best friend's home. The parents were upstairs asleep. The teens were uneducated about the dangers of ingesting a large amount of alcohol over a short period of time.

As an educator, I have seen a drastic decline in parents' ability to say "no." A backbone should be required equipment for a parent. — Still Teaching

Dear Still: We agree with you about the dangers of unsupervised sleepovers, but your story shows that kids do dangerous things even when adults are present. Please, parents, talk to your kids. They need to understand why you are worried.

Dear Readers: Today is Flag Day and the 30th Annual Pause for the Pledge of Allegiance at 7 p.m. (Eastern time).

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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