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Annie's Mailbox®, March 18 Dear Annie: I am a successful and happily married 28-year-old woman. I have a good life, for which I am grateful, except for one thing. When I was 15, a close family friend 15 years my senior was staying with my family. I considered …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 17 Dear Annie: I am 28 years old and have lived with the same man for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters, ages 8 and 4. Last May, "Rob" and I decided to take an extended vacation. We bought an RV and spent the summer traveling and …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 16 Dear Annie: I'm 18 years old and still live with my family. A few months ago, my uncle moved in with us. He comes home drunk all the time. I can smell the liquor on him, and I hate it. I make sure to be in my bedroom before he walks in the front …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 15 Dear Annie: Six years ago, my sister's ex-boyfriend found out I was divorced. He called and invited me for a drink. I accepted with some reluctance, as I didn't think my sister would approve, but I needed some lighthearted company after the dark …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, June 11

Dear Annie: I've been married to "Craig" for 38 years, and for the past 10, we haven't had much of a sexual relationship due to his erectile dysfunction and various other marital issues. I have reconnected by phone with a man I was in love with before I met Craig. In fact, we had a serious relationship for three years. We are now having phone sex about once a week.

I love my husband, but have not been sexually attracted to him for a long time. I do, however, fantasize about my former lover. We have no plans to see each other, but I think about him obsessively and may still be in love with him. I can't afford to see a psychologist to work this problem out. What do you suggest? — Confused and Frustrated

Dear Confused: We know some readers would say, "What's the harm in phone sex if there's nothing more?" Here's the problem: You obsess over this man and believe you may be in love with him. Plus, you feel sexually deprived and Mr. Phone Sex fills that need. This makes him a major threat to your marriage.

Decide what price you are willing to pay to continue the relationship. If you want to stay with your husband, you must cease and desist the phone sex because you risk convincing yourself you should be with the other man. You can find low-cost counseling through your church, the YMCA, United Way, local hospitals, university psychology departments and graduate school counseling departments, and Recovery, Inc. (recovery-inc.org).

Dear Annie: My father and stepmother are old and broke. They squandered all their money on gambling and still do. After my parents divorced, my father and I spoke only occasionally. When I married, he offered no financial assistance and didn't even give us a wedding present.

A few years ago, Dad re-established contact with me. He finally learned my wife's name after we had been married nearly 30 years, although he still doesn't know the names of my three grown children.

Dad and his wife (who I barely know) gush about how much they love me, but every call includes a discussion about why they need money. After the first few dips in that well, I quit giving them anything except at Christmas and birthdays.

My sister gets along with Dad, but she's financially challenged. I want to maintain a good relationship with my sister, but I don't want to pay for my father's funeral when the time comes. Frankly, I don't care where, or even if, he is buried. I can afford it, but I don't want to spend any part of my children's inheritance on a funeral for a grandfather they don't know. Any thoughts? — Indifferent Son

Dear Son: Funerals don't have to deplete the family inheritance. Select something simple, and start setting aside a portion of the annual Christmas and birthday money for that purpose. You aren't doing it for Dad. You're doing it for your sister.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Dysfunctional in Utah," who comes from a family of molesters and whose brother sexually abused their sister. He now has four young granddaughters.

Please tell her not to wait another day to inform her sister-in-law. My former son-in-law's parents and siblings kept the same dirty little secret about him. After it was too late to protect my grandsons from this animal, it turned out he had made plea agreements for at least two similar offenses. My grandchildren will spend the rest of their lives in counseling trying to get over what these people allowed to happen. I wish there was a way to charge these family members with risk of injury. — Brokenhearted Grandma

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.



Comments

4 Comments | Post Comment

I understand that the son doesn't want to pay for his father's funeral. However, the person he is really hurting is his sister. My family went through a similar situation about a year ago. One brother, the wealthiest of all of the children, wanted to contribute only $25 to the headstone. No one asked him for more than 25%, split between the 4 brothers. This type of retaliation doesn't hurt the deceased. It hurts the living. If he wants to maintain a relationship with his sister, I recommend that he contribute a fair sum to the funeral.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Michelle
Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:28 AM

I understand that the son doesn't want to pay for his father's funeral. However, the person he is really hurting is his sister. My family went through a similar situation about a year ago. One brother, the wealthiest of all of the children, wanted to contribute only $25 to the headstone. No one asked him for more than 25%, split between the 4 brothers. This type of retaliation doesn't hurt the deceased. It hurts the living. If he wants to maintain a relationship with his sister, I recommend that he contribute a fair sum to the funeral.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Michelle
Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:29 AM

I'd let the county bury him. My father didn't help me with either of my weddings and he kept the college money I was supposed to get when I was 18. I put myself through college and grad school. When my maternal grandfather died, my grandmother asked each of her 8 children to help with the headstone. My mother refused, because my father would have had a fit if she'd tried to. I won't contribute a dime to his funeral, either. He made us live like paupers, while he let his money pile up. He can use that.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu Jun 11, 2009 5:44 PM

Indifferent Son: I agree that it will hurt his sister the most. I've always felt that was one of the real reasons for a funeral... not just to pay your respects to the deceased, but to allow people to grieve. And in helping with the funeral arrangements, even though you are indifferent to him... you will be giving your sister something important: a chance to grieve properly without being torn up over your long-standing issues with your father. I have personally been to a funeral where I was somewhat indifferent to the deceased, not out of any strife with him, but over the fact that I didn't know him and only had a hazy memory of meeting him once. However everyone around me knew and loved him and were deep in grief. I took it upon myself, therefore, to handle some of the mundane tasks that would have normally fallen to them, so that they could concentrate on grieving and saying goodbye.

Comment: #4
Posted by: PepperElf
Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:08 PM
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