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Annie's Mailbox®, March 17 Dear Annie: I am 28 years old and have lived with the same man for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters, ages 8 and 4. Last May, "Rob" and I decided to take an extended vacation. We bought an RV and spent the summer traveling and …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 16 Dear Annie: I'm 18 years old and still live with my family. A few months ago, my uncle moved in with us. He comes home drunk all the time. I can smell the liquor on him, and I hate it. I make sure to be in my bedroom before he walks in the front …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 15 Dear Annie: Six years ago, my sister's ex-boyfriend found out I was divorced. He called and invited me for a drink. I accepted with some reluctance, as I didn't think my sister would approve, but I needed some lighthearted company after the dark …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 14 Dear Annie: Several years ago, I had to spend a few hours with my mother-in-law. I had worked all night, and then helped my husband drive three hours to a business meeting. I went to Mom's house, where I waited for his return. While there, she …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, May 25

Dear Annie: I am in my early 20s and attending college. I recently found out that my mother had been having an off-and-on affair with a married man for years. Ever since, I have not been the same. I am angry, hurt, humiliated and confused.

My friends at school tell me that Mom is still the same person. She has always been a good mother to my sisters and me, but after hearing this news, I am devastated. I feel like I don't know her anymore. Part of her essence included her morals and ethics. She was a good role model. I am ashamed to think she was not only having sex with a married man all over town, but was cheating on my dad.

My parents live in a small city, and when the wife of this man found out, she told half the town. Why didn't my mother consider how we would feel when this affair came to light? She was selfish, not caring that she was hurting her family. I love my mother, but I am so disappointed in her. I no longer see her the way I once did, nor can I talk to her the same way. What do I do? — Lost and Confused Daughter

Dear Lost: It is perfectly understandable that your impression of your mother has changed, but that doesn't mean your relationship is over. It means you have to accept that she is fallible, while understanding that she still has many decent qualities.

We are certain she loves you. You do not have to approve of what she has done, but try to forgive her for her faulty judgment and selfish behavior so you can develop a new relationship. It will be different, but in time it can be good again.

Dear Annie: My husband met "Leslee" when she was a summer intern at his office. She is 20 years younger than he is. They developed a friendship during that time that has continued. They now average 100 text messages a day between them and several phone calls throughout the week. They see nothing wrong with this level of communication and insist they are just friends. I say this much daily contact means it has gone way beyond friendship.

Leslee is married, and her husband is aware that she calls and texts my husband, although I don't think he knows how often. What do you think? — Alicia

Dear Alicia: Are you free to look at these text messages and listen in on the phone conversations? If your husband is hiding these things from you or tries to exclude you from the relationship, it is a betrayal of the marriage and he should stop. However, it's possible your husband considers himself Leslee's mentor and nothing more, and would have no problem if you were part of the friendship. We recommend you invite Leslee and her husband over for dinner and see for yourself how they interact.

Dear Readers: Today is Memorial Day. Please remember our fallen heroes by visiting cemeteries and placing flags or flowers on the graves of veterans. It is also customary to fly the flag at half-staff until noon.



Comments

4 Comments | Post Comment

My married boss was someone I liked so much. We told each other jokes as well as share work, but our relationship was always professional. He and his wife took me out to dinner and I loved her too. Now he is dead, and she and I are good friends.

Comment: #1
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Sun May 24, 2009 11:33 PM

Even though there is not a physical relationship between this married man and the intern there seems to be quite a strong emotional one. Perhaps it would be better to get more support from their individual spouses instead. I think a 100 text messages on a daily basis, plus several phone calls per week is way way too much. I don't blame this wife for being concerned.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Jan
Mon May 25, 2009 9:02 AM

The disappointed college student should contact student services and try to see a counselor or therapist to talk through her feelings about her mother. Or, she should talk to her minister or someone else who can help her work through her feelings. Having an on and again off again affair for years with a married man is far worse than being fallible and this young lady has a lot to think about. She has to understand that she may never feel the same way about her mother and that this is normal human behavior.

Comment: #3
Posted by: BB
Mon May 25, 2009 9:17 AM

I have a good friend who is having an affair. She is married. This is her second affair. It's hard for me to understand her behavior but I try to remember the good things about her - how she rushed to my side when my mother was dying in the hospital. Still, her behavior regarding the affair is disgusting to me. I can't imagine how hard it would be to find out that your mother was having a long-term affair with a married man. Yet will all have to accept that our parents are fallible human beings. I hope the LW receives the professional help that she needs to learn to accept and love her mother despite her extremely poor judgment that led her to become involved in an affair.

Comment: #4
Posted by: PuaHone
Mon May 25, 2009 9:34 AM
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