Dear Annie: I am 23 years old and a virgin. I have never seen a naked man in my life because I believe virginity should be kept until marriage. The other day I went with my sister to watch my nephew's baseball game. He plays on a field that is uphill, so you can see the backyards of some of the houses across the street. My nephew had heard from his friends that one of the men in those yards sits naked in his hot tub. I always assumed this wasn't true.
When I got to the game, I instantly remembered those rumors. I didn't intend to be a Peeping Tom, but I looked around and saw a man in a hot tub. I assumed this was the guy, so I kept watching. Five minutes later, he got out of the hot tub and really was naked. I instantly got a headache and my eyes burned. I want to do something to prevent children from seeing him. I know he was in his own backyard, but you could see him clearly from the field. Would that count as public nudity? Do you think I should report him? — Scarred for Life
Dear Scarred: We're sure glad you didn't go blind. For someone claiming not to be a Peeping Tom, you certainly expended a lot of energy trying to catch a glimpse of this naked man. If he is hot-tubbing on his own property and taking appropriate precautions to be discreet, it is not public nudity. Unless, of course, he does the hot-tub routine only during games, in which case there is some exhibitionism going on. If you think this is traumatizing the Little Leaguers, you can mention it to one of the parents.
Dear Annie: My husband yells and screams at me constantly. I have begged him over and over to resolve our differences after our children are in bed. He won't.
I never know what is going to make my husband blow up. My oldest daughter is 5, and I am starting to see the effects. I know you are going to suggest counseling, and he has seen a counselor, but he doesn't realize the impact his rage has on our children.
Please tell me what this will do to my kids' personalities. — Worried in Tulsa
Dear Tulsa: It depends on the child, but regardless, it won't be good. When faced with an angry, out-of-control parent, some children retreat and become timid, socially awkward and afraid to form relationships. Others act out and become violent. Children often repeat their parents' behavior into adulthood, with the sons raging at their wives and the daughters being attracted to men who abuse them.
Your husband has a serious anger problem and needs to get it under control. Aside from counseling, which should be ongoing, suggest he see his doctor for a complete physical and a depression screening. Sometimes these problems have an underlying medical cause. In the meantime, understand that this is emotional and verbal abuse. The entire family could benefit from counseling.
Dear Annie: The letter from "Had Enough" jolted me right off the couch. I am in my 60s and, due to Crohn's disease, have had an ileostomy since my late 20s. I have also been through menopause.
"Had Enough" needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and look at that ostomy as a gift of life. She should be grateful her husband is sexually interested in her, bag and all. I was young and single when my first ostomy surgery was performed, and after that, I married, raised two children and am now a happy grandmother. How fortunate that we live in a time when medicine can provide us with a normal life. My bag is opaque, and there is no reason to hide it. I have never had to worry about a comfortable position, either. No special precautions are necessary. I am just as raring to go as ever. I hope "Had Enough" will learn to look at her transformed body with gratitude. — Happy Bag Lady
Dear Happy: What a wonderful outlook on life. You are an inspiration.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
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In answer to" FLORIDA " ( Fri. Jan 29,2010 )
A wonderful organization to meet many nice Ladies is the " The Embroderers' Guild of America, Inc." There are 13 chapters throughout Florida. "FLORIDA" does not have to know how to do needwork, the members will teach her. Go to www.egausa.org on your computer and look for a chapter near you. signed Sarasota .
Comment: #1
Posted by: cindy
Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:54 AM
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I rarely comment on this page because it requires logging in, but I couldn't help address some of the looneys who commented. Where is the proof he is a CHILD PREDATOR? What a horrible, serious accusation that, if made officially as you suggest, could get this man fired, divorced, whatnot, and ruin his life forever. All that because os some uptight woman? This woman is beyond puritanical. She is the type who thinks everyone but her is going to hell. She probably thinks being nude is a sin, and bathes clothed. Her eyes burned when she saw him naked? Really? REALLY? Then how does she expect to be married and have children?
She should take the issue up with the man privately, and tell him that his hot tub activities are visible to others. Give him the chance to change. For all she knows, he might not be aware of it, and might just assume no one can see. Obviously, no other adult has seen him nude, either because they are not closet perverts like her who stare for ten minutes to see him nude, or it's just not visible, except to little kids who can hide under a bush.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Kitty
Fri May 22, 2009 1:19 PM
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I'm usually a person that does not express my opinion about much. I usually enjoy reading my Courier-Journal until your May 19th issue. I have thought and stewed on if I should express my opinion to the Courier Journal or not. Well here it goes....I am totally disgusted and wanted to let you know how applaud I am at the advice that Annie's Attic gave to the 23 year old woman concerned about the naked man in the hot tub overlooking the little league park. This man needs to be reported to the police immediately! I can't believe the audacity of these two women from Annie's Attic to think that it was any way the 23 year old woman's fault for viewing this naked man, like she had tried to sneak a peak for her pleasure! She was obviously very concerned about her nephew and the other children at the park or she wouldn't have written an advice column in the first place. In return she was ridiculed for asking what the right thing to do would be. If I knew the name of the park I would report the child predator myself! I'm almost sure that he purchased that piece of property for his view from his hot tub! I'm all for the luxury of doing what you want in your own home, but this takes is way cross that line. What has this world come to? Are we excepting child predator now? Do these women know how precious the innocents of a child is? What if the naked man is not a child predator...do these children really need to accidentally see a naked man while they are trying to play?
Comment: #3
Posted by: Treva Masters
Fri May 22, 2009 6:58 AM
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Re: Scarred for Life..........You have all missed the point. Get over the virginity, burning eyes part. Her question was should she report this? HECK YES she should and the quicker the better. This man is a child predator and is exposing himself to CHILDREN. It is no coincidence that he is living across from a Little League Park. The police need to make a visit to this home and arrest him for this disturbing act.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Mary Beth
Fri May 22, 2009 7:11 AM
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Hi, I read the article in todays paper 8/15/09 about a little girl that quite visiting her dad at 14 years of age because of his drinking and now he is dieing from it and she wanted to know if she should be with him while this is happening. I think she should. I have a daughter now that is 17 I left her father when she was a year old because of his drinking, (verbal abuse, and couldn't keep a job or his license because of it) well her father became ill with blood clots in his legs a 11 years ago and he hadn't worked all that time well she seen him every other week end and his vacation times but this summer he became extremely ill to were the doctors told him he was dieing of scirhosis its not spelled write but you know want I mean. So I let her stay with him most of this summer he finally past away last Friday night 8/7/09. She knows he died from his drinking and he had told her that he drank because of stress and he couldn't drive or get to work. She is hurt by dieing so I don't think she really understands much about it other than he was a drunk and he wasn't to nice to her or me. I've talked to her about what alcohol does but I couldn't understand why he drank because he didn't have that bad of a life. She told me drank because of stress and he couldn't drive or get to a job. But now she has to morn because of him not getting help for it and these kids don't understand that alcohol is bad if not controlled and the children of alcoholics that don't get help suffer the consequences of it. I feel bad for them. God will heal these teenage girls.
Comment: #5
Posted by: laura williams
Sat Aug 15, 2009 9:50 AM
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Re: Big Meanie - Finally, someone with the right idea. I looked upon a naked man as a virgin and married him within 6 months. My eyes never burned again but I did get headaches now and again.
Comment: #6
Posted by: BB
Tue May 19, 2009 10:43 AM
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If she gets a headache and her eyes burn from 100 yards away, there's no telling what will happen when she sees one up close. She'd better stay an old maid. (I wonder if she was using binoculars.)
Comment: #7
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Tue May 19, 2009 12:16 PM
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LW1 sounds like the living embodiment of one of those trouble-making old maids in cartoons. First, does she think she's no longer a virgin because she's seen a naked man? Headache and burning eyes? Well, marriage isn't going to be much fun for her then. ("Not tonight dear, I have a headache and burning eyes.) Second, if her nephew and his friends know this man is there, so do the parents and it obviously isn't the traumatic sight presented unless you spend anxious moments waiting to see your first naked man down the hill and across the street. This lady has problems and will probably remain a virgin for a long time to come. LW2 needs to get out, get out, get out, and then work out whether to go back. Even if the next phase of abuse never comes, she and her children will be left twitching like rats in an experiment with food and electricity. Abuse is the one thing that does seem to start after marriage, when the abuser feels the power, and tolerating it encourages it, making the abused and the audience all part of the dance.
Comment: #8
Posted by: julia
Tue May 19, 2009 3:55 AM
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LW1: I suspect this lady just HAD to tell us she is a virgin and never saw a naked man so we would understand her shock which was the cause of her eyes burning and her getting a headache. She wanted to emphasize how seeing a naked man for the first time in her life was a horrendous experience. She thinks the kids who presumably have never seen a naked man either will react in a like manner: burning eyes and a headache on the first viewing of a naked man. Ok, her eyes are no longer virgins; it's official. She didn't say whether her sister also saw the naked man. (Obviously, I'm having fun writing "naked man." ;-) ) How did her sister react? After all, it's her son's group being exposed to this guy's naked body. Of course I doubt she experienced burning eyes and a headache on this momentous occasion since she probably saw a naked man before. ------ Seriously, the lw should have told her sister and then they could have reported it to the police and let them handle it. The police would certainly know whether any law was being broken. If they inform him of the problem and he continues his naked public bathing, then they'll know for certain that the guy is doing it on purpose. Despite my humor regarding the letter, the situation itself is not something I find at all humorous. I wouldn't want to see that guy naked nor would I want the kids to see him. It's not clear to me that the man is aware that other people can see him, but you'd think he'd at least wear a bathing suit.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Pat-tricia
Tue May 19, 2009 5:23 PM
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I'm curious. Why did she find it necessary to mention she's a virgin? What difference does that make? Is she trying to establish some kind of moral purity in regard to the naked man? I think she went to the game just to catch a glimpse and felt guilty. Of course, there's nothing to feel guilty about. We are all born naked. There is no shame, except that which the church imparts on sheeple.
LW2-get out asap. you are damaging your child, as well as yourself. he needs an anger management class, pronto. but don't wait until he gets worse. get out now before anymore damage is done. what are you waiting for?
Comment: #10
Posted by: osoozzq
Tue May 19, 2009 8:14 AM
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LW1: If you have seen a naked man, you are no longer a virgin and it is no use pretending. You must go immediately to the house of the naked hot tub man and ask him to marry you.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Big Meanie
Tue May 19, 2009 9:39 AM
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Am I the only one who thinks LW1 is probably a troll?
Comment: #12
Posted by: Datura
Wed May 20, 2009 9:23 AM
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