Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My daughter is in high school and splits her time between my house and my ex-wife's. She often attends parties and sleepovers, and I've hosted many myself. Recently my house has become unpopular. Why? Because I don't serve alcohol. My daughter has been to parties where the parents provide a bar for the kids that includes beer, wine and mixed drinks. Neither my ex nor the other parents see anything wrong with it. "We might as well provide a safe place," goes the argument.

Annie, my daughter is 15 and some of her friends are younger. I've thought of calling the police, but I hate to escalate things to that level. What do you think I should do? — Worried Dad

Dear Worried: A lot of parents believe it is safer to let the kids drink at home, but kids can still get alcohol poisoning, climb out windows, leave the house and get hit by a car, or wander outside in the cold and pass out. Some become violent. And evidence indicates there is a greater risk of brain damage for underage drinkers. Even with strict supervision by extremely vigilant parents, problems abound.

The Institute of Medicine and the National Research Council argued in a recent report that parents may be worsening the underage-drinking epidemic by tacitly supporting alcohol use. These parents also run the risk of being arrested. We are NOT in favor of these parties and prefer parents talk to their children honestly and openly about the hazards of drinking instead of teaching them that "it's OK, everybody does it."

Dear Annie: I am grateful to have a good job. As the head of the household and a single mother, it is necessary that I be frugal. I buy clothes at the local thrift store, take the bus to work and check movies out of the library. I also pack my lunch every day because it is more economical.

My boss, who earns four times what I do, repeatedly asks to borrow cash for lunch because the trendy cafe nearby won't take credit cards.

Dear Boston: You're making this harder than it needs to be. You're not in trouble for refusing him, and you don't have to lecture him about what's appropriate. If people keep loaning the boss money, he won't bother remembering to bring enough cash to pay for his own lunch. If he keeps asking, smile and say you don't have any extra cash but you know where there's an ATM nearby — and give him directions.

Dear Annie: I agree that "Had Enough," who had a colostomy, needs help with her self-image in order to regain intimacy with her husband. But I was upset that you put it all on her. You should have addressed her selfish husband. He should have been helping his wife become comfortable instead of sending explicit e-mails to other females. I know he still has sexual desires, but he should deal with them better, especially after being married for 20 years. Instead, you told the wife to basically get over it and have sex with her husband anyway.

You said a colostomy is not comparable to her husband losing a testicle. How do you know? This is a deeper issue than sex. I would suggest they BOTH seek counseling. — Devoted Reader

Dear Reader: You are right that the husband ought to be better about this, but he didn't write. Advice is effective only if a person is willing to listen to it. "Had Enough" cannot make her husband less selfish or less interested in sex. But she can work on her poor self-image, and we hope she will.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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