Dear Annie: I am a 15-year-old boy and an only child. I get good grades and my social life is somewhat fair. I have no drama except for one thing — my mom.
Mom is 40 years old and has a full-time job. But she can't speak to me in a soft tone. Every time she talks to me, she yells. No one can tell her that she needs help — she gets angry. She cooks, but rarely cleans. I do most of the chores in the house. She is stingy when it comes to money and won't even give her spare change to charity. She rarely listens to me unless I say something about my dad. My parents had some trouble not long ago and contemplated divorce, but they are now back together. But she still is mad at him for cheating on her.
I've suggested we go to counseling, but she refuses. Every day I try to put up with her, and I know my dad does, too. Is it too much to ask that she be more polite and friendly? It hurts me to know I can't make her happy. I can't take it anymore. I want her to understand and listen to me more often. — Misunderstood Boy in Guam
Dear Misunderstood: It sounds as if your mother has been going through some rough times and she is angry and frustrated. You are right that counseling would be good, but you can't force her to go. You, however, should talk to someone who can help you deal with this situation better. Does your school have a counselor? If not, do you have a favorite teacher or relative who might be able to offer useful advice and a shoulder to lean on? You seem like a terrific and caring son. Please try to give your mother a hug once in a while and tell her you love her. She needs to hear it.
Dear Annie: May I use your column to defend our beautiful state of West Virginia? For the umpteenth time, I've heard someone comment that people here have no teeth and marry their siblings. While most of us take this with a smile and a shrug, I want to tell people that if you think our governor wears bib overalls and smokes a corncob pipe, then you are showing YOUR ignorance.
West Virginians are wonderful, smart, decent, hardworking people with a great sense of humor.
We invite everyone to come see our beautiful seasons, and our mountains, parks, forests, rivers and streams — but most of all, to experience our small-town hospitality. Thanks for letting me vent. — Grammie in Fairmont, W.Va.
Dear Grammie: Feeling better? We're happy to give tourism a boost. As anyone who has visited knows, West Virginia is a beautiful state with lovely scenery and a gracious population. All stereotypes show the speaker's ignorance, but they are hard to eradicate, so it's a good thing you also have such a great sense of humor.
Dear Annie: I'm a member of a family that has dealt with mental illness for years. I would like to pass on some good information for "Total Loss," whose son may be suffering from mental illness.
Getting an adult son to a doctor may be impossible (if he doesn't think he is ill), but she can call 911 and ask the police to take him to the local psychiatric emergency room for an evaluation. She also can check with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6264) for a family support group near her. Mom should also know that she is not responsible for his medical expenses since he is over 18. That is what Social Security is for. The hospital will help them with this. My heart goes out to her, as my family has seen this happen too many times. — California
Dear California: Thank you for the expert advice from one who has been there and gone through that. Mental illness is a devastating blow to a family, but there is help and support available.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
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9 Comments | Post Comment
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Hoo boy, another case of people from a southern state being unfairly stereotyped. I've never lived anywhere near the South, but I certainly understand their frustration at being painted with such a broad brush. As a native Californian, for instance, I resent the implication that we're all a bunch of trendy city-dwelling socialites, or blond-haired surfers with a 20-word vocabulary (half of which are "dude"). I'm tempted to blame the snooty Northeastern liberals for this, the hardboiled New Yorkers, or the grizzled union workers from Michigan...but alas, there I'd be guilty of the same offense, wouldn't I? All that having been said, it seems like people from the Mid-Atlantic and Deep Southern states seem to suffer the most from cruel stereotyping. Frankly, the only problem I have with West Virginia is that every public works project there seems to be named after the Democrats' favorite ex-KKK member, Sen Robert Byrd. (The guy was a Kleagle back in the 40's...Google it if you don't believe me.)
Comment: #1
Posted by: Matt
Fri May 8, 2009 11:27 PM
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The Southern states are regarded as idiots because of the way they vote and the way they talk about other states. Stop sending racists and homophobes to Congress. Stop pretending other states are hotbeds of sin when the Southern states have far higher divorce and teen pregnancy rates than Northern states. Stop trying to write your religion into federal law (DOMA, abstinence-only sex-ed.). Stop taking our money; Northeast states pay a lot more in federal taxes, which are then re-distributed to Southern states.
Really, the latter is the most important. The South's policies fail, but the North has to prop those states up with our tax dollars. Then the South has the gall to bite the hand that feeds it! Don't insult the "Northeast liberal elite" when our money is helping to keep your family afloat. Show some respect and try to be more like us so we don't have to support you anymore.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Ari
Sat May 9, 2009 7:36 AM
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If a child with mental illness becomes dangerous to himself or others, call the police to help you and try for an evaluation; however, remember that the police are not a social service agency. If the child resists things can get out of hand. The police will not engage in fist fights, they will cuff and arrest. I know these things can work out well because I have had students whose families have had to call the police but things can go terribly wrong. Saying that, there is no reason to live in fear in your own home if you have an out-of-control child with mental illness who refuses help.
Comment: #3
Posted by: BB
Sat May 9, 2009 10:26 AM
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Re: Matt ---- Ummmmmm, you did exactly what I thought someone would do when I read the letter. You cast ALL New Yorkers in the same mold as the "stereotyped" person from New York City. I put stereotyped in quotations because not ALL people in NYC fall into the category many people think of as New Yorkers. I lived on Long Island until I was 12. The middle and eastern parts of Long Island in those days was a combination of suburban areas and farms. My family then moved "Upstate" to central New York where the area was primarily farms and villages along with some larger towns. Let me tell you that many upstaters (not all) would like to secede from downstate New York. The politics have been very different and many feel that downstate takes advantage of upstate and vice versa. Get into the watershed area where there are those huge reservoirs for NYC water. NYC regulates the whole area and has pretty much slowed economic development in the area to a slow crawl or a full stop and their management of the reservoirs and the waterways that feed them has been blamed for serious flooding downstream. Please don't lump us in with people from NYC. Yes, we're all New Yorkers but that doesn't make us all the same. Nor are all people who live in the metropolitan area the same. We are all individuals as I'm sure you are aware. Now I've fulfilled your own prophecy that you'd be found guilty of the same offense.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Pat
Sat May 9, 2009 11:58 AM
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HOW ONE GET ADVICE IN OF YOUR HELP ANNIE
Comment: #5
Posted by: JAMES STEVENS
Sat May 9, 2009 2:56 PM
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Re: JAMES STEVENS - ???????????????? I have no idea what you're trying to say. If English is not your first language, you might ask someone to help you write your question. If you're trying to reach the columnists for advice, you need to click on the "Write the Author" button near the bottom of the column to the right of the calendar. I hope that helps.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Pat
Sat May 9, 2009 4:37 PM
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Re: JAMES STEVENS ------- I'm not sure what your question is, but if you're asking how to contact the columnists to ask their advice, go to the bottom of the column. You'll see a calendar on the left side. Just to the right of that calendar, there is a button titled, "Write the Author." I presume that if you click on that button, you will get a page where you can write your question. I hope you have no problem with that.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Pat
Sat May 9, 2009 4:58 PM
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Re: BB
If your child adult or child comes in contact with the police count your blessings if they only cuff and arrest. I have seen them taze and beat and yeah shoot the mentally ill person. At least three dead in our small town in the last five years alone. They are not my first choice to call when there is trouble with the mentally ill.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Tracy
Sat May 9, 2009 7:28 PM
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I am responding to the admirable, 15 year old boy whose mom yells alot. Well, I, too, used to yell when I was a single mom, raising three daughters on my own...with no extended family or support from anyone. I resorted to yelling instead of crying because I saw yelling as my way of staying in control, all the while feeling out of control and alone.
I didn't know how to handle so much responsibility and my upbringing never taught me how to me a better mother.
I wanted my daughters to be more responsible, but I didn't know how to train them, so I ended up doing everything and hating my life. I know I would have stopped my yelling had my daughters hugged me and offered to help me, but my yelling scared them and I didn't get what I needed. All the time I was yelling, I was crying on inside and wanted someone to show love to me in some way. This would've helped immensely. I hope this insight helps you.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Pat Issa
Sun May 10, 2009 9:25 PM
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