Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am a recovering alcoholic and have worked in addiction recovery for the 22 years I have been sober. Two years ago, I married a wonderful man. I am 60 years old and it is my first marriage. We are quite happy.

Several months ago, my best friend of over 30 years called to tell me she had started dating an old beau of mine, a man I once had a very passionate relationship with. He is the most charming man I have ever known. But he is an alcoholic and an addict. He went through treatment once, but didn't stay sober.

"Lorraine" proceeded to tell me how beautiful his body still is, how great the sex is, and all the things I did that apparently still irritate him. I was shocked. I told her as gently as I could that he is an addict and there will always be "another woman" in his life as long as he drinks and does drugs. She didn't want to hear it. She told me he was seeing a therapist who assured her his brain could be "rewired." I don't believe it's possible. We have reached a compromise of sorts — she does not mention his name to me.

Lorraine is a dear friend and I want to stay close, but I don't want an active alcoholic in my life. Was I unreasonable to react so negatively to her relationship? Her daughter said I overreacted. — Kentucky

Dear Kentucky: When you believe a friend is making a huge mistake, it is natural to want to warn her. Still, you must respect her choice, even if you don't agree. You've told her how you feel. Now say nothing more about it. You can remain close by spending time together without your significant others. We have to wonder, however, about Lorraine's motives in so graphically flaunting her new relationship to you.

Dear Annie: I am invited to a birthday party for my niece's 1-year-old son.

I send a card on each birthday, but not a gift. If I attend this party, I will have to bring a gift, and this doesn't seem fair to the ones who don't receive anything. My sister, who is the grandmother of this boy, never bothers to send anything to my grandchildren for their birthdays.

I am happy to continue buying presents for my nieces and nephews, but would like to stop there. I spend enough on family members without buying for the offspring of offspring.

I don't plan to attend this party, but was wondering whether I should be honest about the reason or just make up an excuse and send a card. — Had Enough

Dear Had Enough: Has it occurred to you that your niece may simply want the pleasure of having her son's great-aunt at his first birthday party? You don't have to give a reason for turning down an invitation, but if your niece should ask, you may tell her that you worry the other great-nieces and nephews would feel slighted.

Dear Annie: The letter from "Tried To Raise Him Right," whose son gnawed on a T-bone steak bone, reminded me of a family story.

When I was a young girl back in the '30s, my mother took me to Erie, Pa., for a treat — dinner at the Boston Store. We ordered pork chops, and I proceeded to chew on the bone. My mother discreetly whispered to me to put it back on my plate. In my loudest voice I said, "Why? We eat bones at home." My lovely mother was mortified.

Over the years, that day often came up in conversation. For me, it's a fond memory of a special time with my mother. — St. Albans, Vt.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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