Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Albert Schweitzer once said, "Sometimes our light goes out, but it is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being." The darkness that sets in when a child has died is all too well-known by members of The Compassionate Friends, the world's largest self-help bereavement organization for families that have had a child die.

We also know that the holidays can be especially difficult for the bereaved. At this traditional family time of the year, we offer the opportunity for grieving families to come together on one day to celebrate the life, love and light of those children gone much too soon — to have that light blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being.

The 12th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting will take place on Sunday, Dec. 14. This candle lighting, believed to be the largest mass candle lighting in the world, will be held for one hour at 7 p.m. local time around the world, creating a virtual wave of light. It symbolizes that the light of these precious children will forever be held within the hearts of many.

To post a memorial service event or to find an event locally, your readers may visit our website at www.compassionatefriends.org.

Last year, The Compassionate Friends was made aware of, and listed on its website, nearly 500 formal services from around the world that took place throughout the day. Tens of thousands of candles were also lit in memory of children around the globe in small gatherings and in the privacy of homes. Available also on Dec. 14 from our website will be a Remembrance Book for family members to share their feelings and post a memorial message during that 24-hour period.

We appreciate your making readers aware of this meaningful day of remembrance that is held … so that their light may always shine.

Dear Patricia Loder: The death of one's child — at any age — is devastating. The Worldwide Candle Lighting is a magnificent opportunity for the bereaved and their friends and family members to honor and be part of a community of others who are paying tribute to loved ones. We hope our readers will look at your website and participate in this event, whether as part of a group or in the privacy of their own homes, and remember all the children who have died.

Dear Annie: I left my husband a month ago and have done my best to make it clear that I no longer want a life with him. He did not cheat or abuse me, but our lifestyles are incompatible. I do not foresee reconciliation. Still, my soon-to-be ex continues to call and tell me how his day went and what's going on at his job.

How can I make the separation any clearer without being overly harsh? We have two young children, and I would like our relationship to be civil but distant. —Trying To Cut the Cord

Dear Trying: It is in your children's best interest for you to maintain a reasonably friendly relationship with their father, who obviously needs more time to adjust to the separation. A month isn't that long. He misses you, but will eventually call less frequently as he moves on with his life. Meanwhile, we hope you can be patient and allow him to continue calling to briefly discuss his day. After you've let him talk for a few minutes, put the children on the phone so they can speak to Daddy. When they are finished, tell him, "I'm really busy now. I'll talk to you another time."

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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