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Annie's Mailbox®, November 22

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Dear Annie: I am a 47-year-old male, own my own business and work hard. My dad is 77, widowed and semi-mobile. He recently moved out of the busy city to live near me in the suburbs. I encouraged this so we could keep an eye on him.

The problem is, Dad comes to my house daily and is usually sitting in my driveway when I get home. The two of us didn't get along very well when I was younger and this has turned into way too much "Dad" time.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'd like to lead him to other activities. My sister has told him that he is wearing out his welcome, but he says, "They are all I've got." He refuses to get involved in any of our church events and is content to spend all of his time with me. What can I do? — About To Lose My Mind

Dear About To: You are right that Dad needs other activities to occupy his time. He's been uprooted and has become dependent on you. Look into some programs in your area that he might like. Maybe he'd take an art class at the park district, swim at the YMCA, volunteer at the elementary school or join a seniors group. Perhaps the local community center has a photography club or he could watch a trial at the courthouse. Do a little research and then give Dad a schedule. Someone may need to accompany him the first few times until he feels comfortable, but once he starts making friends, he will get out of your hair. And when your patience gets a little frayed, ask your sister to invite Dad for a visit so you can get a break.

Dear Annie: I've been married four years. It's a second marriage for both of us. Since we've been together, I have purchased birthday and Christmas gifts for all members of his family, paid for four wedding showers and spent every Christmas Eve with them.

My son recently got married, and not one of these aunts or uncles sent him so much as a card, much less offered a bridal shower for my daughter-in-law.

They have never invited them to any family functions or celebrations. Yet when my husband's sisters decided to throw an elaborate shower for yet another niece, they make all the plans and then expect me to chip in my share.

My husband says his sisters only want my company when they need something. I am tired of being called an "aunt" when the other aunts ignore my children. What should I do? There is another shower this week. — Handout Aunt

Dear Aunt: These aunts consider you part of their family, but they don't feel the same about your children. This is not the best attitude, but it is also not unusual in second marriages. It is up to your husband to make it clear to them that you are a package deal. In the meantime, please don't stoop to their level. Be the aunt you wish they were.

Dear Annie: This is in response to "Worried Child," who is concerned about her 80-year-old mother, who has developed an addiction to gambling. As I read the letter, I wondered whether her mom is taking the prescription drug Mirapex, which is often prescribed for Parkinson's disease, restless leg syndrome or fibromyalgia. Mirapex has a black box warning about compulsive behavior and can cause gambling, shopping/spending, overeating and/or sexual addictions. If she is taking this drug, I strongly suggest she see her doctor immediately. — Anonymous in California

Dear Anonymous: The Mayo Clinic recently did a study indicating that for some people Mirapex can induce compulsive behaviors. Many readers brought this to our attention, and we are grateful to be able to pass along the information.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.


Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
For LW1 who owns his own business. If Dad needs something to do and is semi-mobile and you own your own business... isn't there a job that he can do for you in your company?

All businesses can use a little extra "grass roots" marketing... projects that take more time than money. Perhaps you can put a project together and put Dad in charge of it.

My niece needed a job over the summer and we put together a marketing campaign. She had fun designing flyers on the computer (I pulled some examples that I liked to give her some guidance), I showed her how to use the database from the Public Library online to pull lists of other businesses to market to and she mailed out flyers with lovely handwritten envelopes which greatly increased the number of our pieces that were opened and responded to.

When new clients responded we handled the first few calls together till she felt comfortable, but after that she did a great job by herself handling those calls. By the end of the summer my business was up over 20%.

It sounds like Dad needs to feel useful. He was competent enough to get this far in life... surely there is a project that he can tackle for you and if he has his days busy, then perhaps he will be tired enough at night to give you privacy with your family.
Comment: #1
Posted by: MediumSizedSueOrlando
Sun Nov 23, 2008 11:52 AM
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