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Jane Likes Him Jealous Dear Annie: I am 74, and "Jane" is 56. We met online, where I said early on that I was not interested in dating because of the age disparity. I simply told her that I liked the expression on her face in the posted photos. She is beautiful. But …Read more. "Men Are Not Designed for Monogamy"? Dear Annie: I have been married for 40 years to a man who had a few affairs in the past that I recently found out about. We are both seeing counselors, privately and together. At this point in time, I am tired of dealing with this, and our marriage …Read more. Failing Kidneys, Failing Passion Dear Annie: I've been with my boyfriend for five years. We have a handsome 6-year-old boy. A year after I had my son, my boyfriend was diagnosed with kidney failure. At first, he was doing well, but then he had a rough patch and lost hope. During …Read more. Protecting Mom Is Top Priority Dear Annie: I am one of four adult children. Our father died a couple of years ago. Three of us have our own homes. One sister, "Diane," has been married twice and has lived with numerous men and was kicked out when each relationship ended. She has …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox®, December 13

Comment

Dear Annie: Four days ago, my husband and I waited 12 hours for the birth of our son's first baby. As soon as we were allowed to see our new grandchild, we rushed into the hospital room, thrilled beyond belief. Our joy was short-lived because soon after, our daughter-in-law's friends started arriving. My husband and I were speechless that grown people would be so rude and intrusive on OUR time.

Our grandchild was passed from friend to friend, and each one held the baby before my husband. I cannot believe the insensitivity of these people. We waited all day to share the joy with our son and his wife. These friends acted like they had a right to be there. They should have waited until the next day to visit and should have had enough common sense to know this was "family time."

We are saddened and angry that this once-in-a-lifetime moment was taken from us. Everyone watched the baby get his first bath while my husband and I looked over their shoulders. It was the ultimate intrusion, and the more I think about it, the angrier I become. Should I say something or let it go? — No Name, No City

Dear No Name: Please, please, please, let it go. Chances are, those friends were specifically invited by your son and his wife, who wanted to share their joy with as many people as possible. You will have plenty of opportunities to get to know your grandson, and this particular time will become insignificant. His birth was not about you, and we urge you not to give the impression that it was.

Dear Annie: I am in a dead-end marriage and also am the caregiver for my husband's 85-year-old invalid mother. After my mother-in-law came out of the hospital two years ago, I was the only one who volunteered to take her in. I thought it would bring my husband and me closer, but it has only created more problems.

He won't even help me with her unless I start a fight about it.

My husband's siblings — all four of them — said, "We'll help whenever you need something," and changed their minds shortly after she moved in. They visit her once a week and think it's enough. When I ask someone to come over so I can get out, I hear, "Why me? Ask someone else." She is THEIR mother, not mine, and I am ready to run away.

My mother-in-law is a nice lady who helped me in the past and I am very grateful, which is one reason I took her in. But it's a burden to be tied down 24/7. Any suggestions? — Burned Out

Dear Burned Out: Being a caregiver is hard work and you are to be commended for taking on this often thankless job. Have your husband get his siblings together with you and create a schedule so each one is responsible for Mom one afternoon a week (or whatever you can work out). Or, ask them to contribute financially to the cost of a senior day care program or home assistance. We also recommend you contact the Family Caregiver Alliance (caregiver.org) at 1-800-445-8106 for help, support, information and resources.

Dear Annie: This is for "The First Wife." After 20 years of marriage, my husband left me for a younger woman when our kids were teens. I realize now that my husband was high maintenance and self-centered. When he left, there was less pressure and tension. We laughed more, talked more and I had plenty of time for the kids because I was no longer so focused on my husband's needs. I could make decisions without wondering how he would feel. Today I am a successful 66-year-old businesswoman with a supportive and loving husband. — Pensacola Grandma

Dear Pensacola: Your experience is proof that good things can happen after divorce if you are open to the possibilities.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2007 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.



Comments

20 Comments | Post Comment
Sounds like gramma and daughter-in-law don't get along. Notice that she specifies that those were the DIL's friends, not the couple's. Grandparents often have a huge sense of entitlement for an event and a child that is simply not theirs. She needs to remember that interfering grandparents are often shut out.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Carole
Thu Dec 13, 2007 5:26 AM
This is in response to the Dec. 12, 2007 column from Disappointed in Louisville about his relationship with "Shawna". He stated that she was the one who wanted the relationship to move forward. I think that after FIVE years she wanted to move on to MARRIAGE!!! Your answer that she should have a medical or psychiatric evaluation or even re-evaluate her sexual orientation was ridiculous. Your statement that if she refuses to see a doctor, it means that she is not sufficiently invested in the relationship is ludicrous---she has invested FIVE years. I agree that couples counseling would be a good idea, but to address HIS inability to commit. He should focus more on her need for commitment than on his sexual needs. He might be surprised at her change if/when he commits to MARRIAGE.

Disgusted in your answer in Indpls.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Peggy
Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:24 PM
This is in response to your column dated Dec. 13 regarding new grandparents. I completely understand that the new parents wanted to share their joy with as many people as possible, but wouldn't it have been kind and considerate of them to let the grandparents be the first to see their new grandson? Those grandparents will, no doubt, be an important part of the baby's life and I think they are entitled to the respect they deserve as family members. I'm sure the new parents will have no problem turning to those same grandparents for help, support, babysitting at a moment's notice and I'm certain those grandparents will be there for them. I wonder how many of those friends would do the same.
And I was really disappointed in your unfeeling reply that "the birth wasn't about you". That grandmother gave birth to the baby's father, so it was in a way "about them". I'm really tired of hearing story after story about grandparents having no rights and having to walk on eggshells in order to appease thoughtless, inconsiderate grown children.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Martha
Fri Dec 14, 2007 12:28 PM
Dear Annie: I feel for "At a Loss" who's brother is in a "safety net" loop with their mom who erases the evidence of the effects of his drug addiction. My sister, now 58, is the same way. She dominated both parents lives, and had kids just like her. Forget the old way of thinking! The situation is not going to change. Release them to the life they have chosen, that hell of a life. At a Loss should explore living outside "their" box with humble acceptance her brother is severely mentally ill, and mom is just doing the best she can with what she has been given. That way At a Loss could at least save herself from this curse.
Living Outside Destruction
Comment: #4
Posted by: Liza Porter
Fri May 14, 2010 5:44 AM
please help
in reading your annies mailbox march 23 you spoke about a shampoo for psoraisis i would like the site so i can order it for my daughter thanks so much. also enjoy reading your info. everyday.
Comment: #5
Posted by: judy lamberti
Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:11 AM
dear annie,
my boyfriend 'josh' and i have been together for almost 20 years. the problem that i am having is that i would like to get married but everytime i mention it to him he always makes excuses.Like every other girl i would like to have a wedding and get married to the one man i fell in love with I know he is insecure about alot of things.But i think its about time he steps up to the plate.I am starting to resent him for this.We have four wonderful children the oldest will be going away to his third year of college,our daughter will be starting her first year this next fall.and the two younger ones are in grade school.The only thing i am worried about is him being alone.i have always done everything for him and my children would it be unfair for me to start thinking about my self and give him a time limit to walk down the aisle with me. falling out of love
Comment: #6
Posted by: tracy
Tue Mar 29, 2011 1:27 PM
I am an avid reader of your column; however as a senior citizen over four score years, I go to Florida during the winter. Do you have any info for me re .getting info to read your column while in Bradenton Florida. Better yet do you publish a daily colum via emails/ or on the web. I winter there and I always am on the internet. My cable company is Brighthouse. Many thanks Bones Ct.
Comment: #7
Posted by: bones ct
Fri May 20, 2011 1:22 PM
My husband and myself are getting older and want the family pictures to go to the families that so caringly gave them to . N ow my problem is how do I tell them that they were so appreacioted but it is time now to send them back to thier original owners with A WONDERFUL FEELING OF EVEN BEING THOUGHT OF IN THEM SENDING THEM TO US TO ENJOY> sO JUST HOW DO i SAY IT WITHOUT HURTING THIER FEELINGS? than k you ,SO MUCH, gOLDEEN
Comment: #8
Posted by: goldeen wiltfong
Tue Jun 7, 2011 3:55 PM
In regard to your column 7/28 about person getting change in a lump with her receipt. This I have learned to live with but retailers are doing a disservice to their employees and customers. Many people working the cash register cannot give change if the computer/cash register does not tell them how much change to give. Also young people receiving change have no idea if they have received the correct change or not. Is it too hard for schools or employers to teach our youth how to count back change? No wonder the "Murdoffs" of the world have such an easy time taking our money!!!!
Comment: #9
Posted by: Betty
Tue Jun 28, 2011 9:44 AM
Dear Annie. I have been taking care of my mother for the last 7 years. Since she fell & broke her hip. Since then she has had mini strokes,& the onset of Dementia. It is rough as we do not qualify for any assistance. 2 years ago my cousin and her boyfriend moved in. It was supposed to be until the found a place. She was supposed to help with mom so I can get some kind of break. mom has to pay all the bills. They don't pay rent,or help with any of the bills. Or food. By the end of the month we can barely afford food. mom has alot of medical bills,insurance,etc. But she hasn't helped at all with my mom. My cousin & I have always been close,but I feel they are using us. they even went through some of our personal belongings& threw what they wanted. I don't want to hurt her,but I don't know what to do. I founf out he has been using legal drugs.(when they were legal) But can't do a thing to help out around here. I'm sure you see the problem here. Am I being selfish? I don 't know where else to turn. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Kim
Fri Jul 8, 2011 11:51 AM
this thread is hilarious. yall do realize that the authors of this column actually DON'T scan the comments on five year old entries for new letters to print? hahahaha
Comment: #11
Posted by: amused
Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:55 PM
Dear Annie, i am very resentful and try my best not to be. I even ask God to help me each day some days are better than others. I am the main caregiver for my Mother and my Uncle they are both in their 80's.They live together in their own house because they are brother and sister and kind of look after one another. I take care of them by checking on them 3 To 4 times a day and get their mail and some groceries and give them their medicine 2 times a day. I also make all their doctor appointments and take them also and make sure their prescriptions are always filled. I do not work but i don't see how i can. I have a Brother and a Sister who work and have their families and don't try to help in any way. I have a husband and a family also but my time with them is not as much as me and my husband would like.My Uncle died recently and now everything is on me and my husband to take care of. MY Mother is living with me and my husband so now this is a big adjustment for me and my husband but for my Mother too. She lost her home and her Brother at the same time. I feel so very bad for her and her broken heart. I have asked my brother and sister for help but don't get anything back but excuses as to why they can't help. They take 1 to 2 vacations a year and never ask our Mother to go also. We have always asked Mom to go and she goes up until the last few years. This year we did not take a vacation at all. They spend time with their grandchildren whenever they want but we are limited to when we can see ours. It is so hard not to feel resentful at times and taken for granted. I don't know what else to do to get them to help. Please give me some advice.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Cindy Barker
Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:50 PM
Re: Cindy Barker
Comment: #13
Posted by: Cindy Barker
Sat Oct 22, 2011 5:51 PM
Regarding your column of 10/23/11: Walking Dead in NYC ... May I offer this advice? STOP! Take a breath. Do nothing for an hour. Think about the rest of your life. Reaffirm your intellect. Then, ask yourself, what if you went back to school? Answering in the affirmative, GO BACK TO SCHOOL (No. you are not too old) Start with community college; get your footing, Liberal Arts would be nice (English Major-Lots of reading) or...? ... In the course of six-years - a short period of your life, You will begin a new life, and most likely realize your dream(s) come true.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Michael
Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:56 AM
About being bipolar, the health agencies and /or Dr are NOT so forth coming to helping out people who cannot afford their perscriptions. I thought some one who is on medicare and spends more on insurance than My ss check is,should let you know the truth. I have now gon with out my bipolar meds for three months now because I cannot afford them> I have fallen into the doughnut hold and I take several that are spendy, the Dr took four years to find the right cocktail of drugs for me and I was doing fine. then she moved and I have Dr that want me to switch to different drugs, I cannot take generic (fillers and Yellow coloring, some red coloring affectsme) so some of me meds are out of my price range. I just want you ladies to be aware that not all Dr for mental health are reliable about help for bipolar people. I do not know what will happen in about another two months,without meds but I'll probably be back in the black hole I was in 11 yrs ago.
Comment: #15
Posted by: ex
Wed Nov 2, 2011 12:11 PM
About being bipolar, the health agencies and /or Dr are NOT so forth coming to helping out people who cannot afford their perscriptions. I thought some one who is on medicare and spends more on insurance than My ss check is,should let you know the truth. I have now gon with out my bipolar meds for three months now because I cannot afford them> I have fallen into the doughnut hold and I take several that are spendy, the Dr took four years to find the right cocktail of drugs for me and I was doing fine. then she moved and I have Dr that want me to switch to different drugs, I cannot take generic (fillers and Yellow coloring, some red coloring affectsme) so some of me meds are out of my price range. I just want you ladies to be aware that not all Dr for mental health are reliable about help for bipolar people. I do not know what will happen in about another two months,without meds but I'll probably be back in the black hole I was in 11 yrs ago.
Comment: #16
Posted by: ex
Wed Nov 2, 2011 12:11 PM
I would like to know more on the alternative to cpap by a dentist
Comment: #17
Posted by: eileen charboneau
Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:43 AM
I will post a comment at a later time.
Comment: #18
Posted by: joseph lori
Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:20 PM
I will post a comment at a later time.
Comment: #19
Posted by: joseph lori
Mon Jul 29, 2013 2:20 PM
This is in response to an answer you gave to a woman who said she was insulted by her friend because she was not attracted to men of another race. You bascially called her a racist because she felt that way. How dare you judge someone you don't even know and call her a racist because of your sick liberal ideals. Everyone has the right to be attracted to anyone they want, no matter what color their skin is. People like you who think you have the right to force your ideals on others are the ones who are destroying our country. Clearly you are two liberal bitches who have the nerve to think you have the right to tell people what they can think and feel, even though this is STILL a free society, which you hate because you are also Communists, just like all liberals of today. You are just common race-baiters, like Sharpton, Jackson and Obama. You disgust me!
Comment: #20
Posted by: Sharon Egan
Tue Jul 30, 2013 7:05 AM
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