Dear Annie: I recently lost my job of 13 years. While checking out various employment listings, I came across a work-at-home position. I did a quick Google search and found that the company had several locations throughout the eastern portion of the country, all with what seemed to be actual addresses and phone numbers, so I thought the job would be OK to accept.
As it turned out, the whole thing was nothing but a huge scam, and I got sucked right into it. The job involved cashing money orders from the company's customers and then wiring it to Canada. As a result of all the money orders having been counterfeit, I am on the hook to my bank for nearly $25,000.
I surfed the Internet looking for some sort of victim's assistance and have been unable to find what I need. I turned the whole matter over to the FBI, and when I called them back a few days later, I was told it would be at least a month before an agent assigned to the case would contact me. Can you please help me locate some sort of assistance program to help me pay back all that money to the bank? — Stepped in It in California
Dear California: Although you were on the wrong end of this scam, you are also a victim. Consider contacting the National Center for Victims of Crime (ncvc.org) at 1-800-FYI-CALL (1-800-394-2255), as well as a bankruptcy lawyer who might help you find a way out of this mess. It also wouldn't hurt to talk to someone at your bank about whether a type of deferred payment can be worked out while you wait for the FBI to get around to your case. Your situation should serve as a warning to others. When something seems too good to be true, it generally is.
Dear Annie: Because of a severe, chronic back condition, my husband has been on prescription Oxycodone for about a year. He's a loving husband and father, and has an excellent job.
I am concerned that he may be addicted.
He says he's dependent, but not addicted. Is there a difference? He says that dependence is a legitimate medical condition that requires you to take the medication as prescribed. An addiction is medication purchased on the street and taken for the "high."
Admittedly, the medication has helped him immensely. He's tried other treatments, including surgery, but only the pills seem to help. He allows me to monitor his dosage and takes no more than what is prescribed. But this medication has such a stigma associated with it. Is he a functional addict, or is my concern misplaced? — His Wife
Dear Wife: An addiction is when the psychological need, no matter how the drug is obtained, is greater than the medical requirement for it. Your husband is legitimately dependent on this medication for pain relief, and he is taking it appropriately. He may develop a tolerance for the dosage, but as long as it doesn't interfere with his job or his family life, and he follows his doctor's orders, we wouldn't be overly concerned.
Dear Annie: Please assure "Heartbroken in N.C." that there is life after dealing with hateful, ungrateful kids and their spouses. For years I endured the verbal tirades of a daughter who blamed me for everything. After one particularly nasty tirade, I finally had the courage to walk away.
It has been several years since we spoke, and I am fine. You reach a point where it is a matter of survival. You realize that no one has the right to unload their hate on you. "Heartbroken" should keep busy by getting a job, or she might consider becoming a foster parent. There are many unwanted children who would value a home. Hateful people cause so much grief that it often comes full circle. They are the losers, not you. — Learned the Hard Way
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

|
 |
Comments
|
8 Comments | Post Comment
|
|
In regard to number two, it is hilarious how some parents can not take responsibility for what they have done to their children. To have a child hate you, I am sorry, you must have done something to deserve it. You raised them. She says in her letter that "Hateful people cause so much grief that it comes full circle." What does she think is happening to her? It is coming back around full circle where it started, with her.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Cheryl
Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:35 AM
|
|
|
|
In regard to number two, it is hilarious how some parents can not take responsibility for what they have done to their children. To have a child hate you, I am sorry, you must have done something to deserve it. You raised them. She says in her letter that "Hateful people cause so much grief that it comes full circle." What does she think is happening to her? It is coming back around full circle where it started, with her.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Cheryl
Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:37 AM
|
|
|
|
Cheryl, You must be young. I am a Granny and I can tell you, I have SEEN hateful children from wonderful homes who spend their whole lives hating their parents for the choices they (the child) has made! My best friend is the most wonderful human being and her children are mentally ill and just nasty people. My cousin adopted a beautiful baby girl who grew up to hate her Mom, The child became a drug addict and high priced call girl. Most of these situations DO involve drugs. But love alone does not get a happy wonderful child. I am very blessed...my kids are great and love me a lot. Kids don't come with directions. Pray a LOT and talk to them a LOT...and have good luck!
Comment: #3
Posted by: Katie
Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:50 AM
|
|
|
|
Cheryl,
I totally agree with you, for all adult offspring to stop talking to their mother/parents, she must also have part of responsability in the situation, instead of being 'the innocent victim who does not know what she did wrong'.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Bonnie
Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:06 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Katie
Hi Katie, actually I am a grandmother also and it wasn't until I was a parent that I truly realized my parents were terrible parents. My father told me once that he never wanted kids but that is what Catholics do and that we were like an Albatross around his neck. His friends and relatives think he is a wonderful human being too, because he never showed his true colors to them. My mother has a very selective memory and never "remembers" things being the way I describe to her. My brother and I just roll our eyes. Parents these days are afraid to parent their children and that is why kids these days have no ethical rudder to guide them. They were not taught. Luckily, like you, I raised kids who love me and grandchildren who love them. I made mistakes, but I owned up to them and I feel very blessed.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Cheryl
Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:50 AM
|
|
|
|
Regarding LW2, I see both points of view (Cheryl's and Katie's), but I think I agree more with Cheryl's. About 10 years ago, I became friendly with a neighbor in the apartment building I lived in. We were both in our late 20s/early 30s and without kids, so we'd go to exercise together, grab a cup of coffee, etc. I was surprised that she never mentioned her parents. She'd spend common family holidays alone or with friends (including my husband and me). I once asked her if her parents were living, and she said, "I don't know. They kicked me out of the house when I was 17, and I haven't seen them since." It turned out that she had gotten mixed up in the sort of wrong company: drinking, drugs, etc. So, instead of helping her, her parents decided to show her "tough love" and kicked her out. She lived on the streets for a couple of years, still doing drugs and, basically, killing herself, but then met caring people at a shelter who helped her straighten out. By the time we met, she had finished college and was working for a production company in LA. She did not drink or do drugs. She said she didn't hate her parents, but she still did not want to have any contact with them. She felt that they abandoned her when she didn't know what the heck she was doing and needed help. Obviously, she wasn't blameless in this estrangement, but she was a very nice person by the time I met her, and I just can't see how her parents hadn't tried harder to help her. As a parent myself, I think I'd turn heaven and earth upside down to help my underage child before I kick him out into the streets.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Ariana
Wed Jun 24, 2009 11:05 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Cheryl
Well put, Cheryl. I also would like to add that just because some people present a wonderful picture of themselves to the world, it doesn't mean they are so wonderful behind closed doors. I remember that when I was a kid, a nice family in our neighborhood adopted a girl. The kid always had more bruises than any other kid I remember, and we always thought she must have been a klutz although we never saw her do anything klutzy. She was perfectly fine when we all played at school - just as agile as any other little girl on monkey bars and just as quick in playing tag. She seemed to have become much clumsier when she got home, walking into doors, falling off stairs, and getting her fingers jammed in dresser drawers. Now that I think about it almost 30 years later, I have to ask myself: What were those nice parents doing to that girl?
Comment: #7
Posted by: Ariana
Wed Jun 24, 2009 11:18 AM
|
|
|
|
RE: "Chronic back condition and prescription Oxycodone"
I believe that Annie is correct in her response as far as the medical and legal community go. Sadly, it does not end there. My wife has been on two major RX's for back pain for > 10 years and can't stop taking them. She still has the pain (which is the root of the problem) which she was afraid to attempt to have fixed. Now she is "dependent" on the RX's but only takes them as prescribed. I have fought with her and her doctor on this (I found another doctor years ago) to no end. I had to give up a company transfer as she could not find a doctor in the new city which would prescribe the RX's like her current doctor so she moved back after 2 months. Now the marriage is about over and a major is how she keeps getting the med's as if we divorce she looses her insurance from my policy.
These drugs are a slipperly road and don't think for a minute that you can ever stop taking them. If you really have a problem with real diagnosed pain (my wife does) either fix it or accept a life-time of pain.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Scott Kemp
Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:25 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|