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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar


Divorce or Involuntary Commitment Dear Annie: I've been married to "Lily" for 15 years, and we have two teenagers. We've built a good life. But Lily is an unhappy person. And while I've not been an angel, she never acknowledges that her unhappiness contributes to our problems. She …Read more. Transparency Creates Space for Otherwise Questionable "Friendships" Dear Annie: I am currently in a two-year relationship with "Alison." Both of us are recently divorced. During Alison's marriage, she became a confidante to "Will." They have remained friends, and she insists nothing of a sexual nature ever happened.… …Read more. Asperger's, Autism and Teaching Appropriate Behavior Dear Annie: One of my classmates has Asperger syndrome. He often says and does things that are obnoxious and sometimes downright threatening. I understand that his behavior is a result of his Asperger's, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal …Read more. Questioning Cuddle Time Dear Annie: I am concerned about my grandson's well-being. My daughter has always had "cuddle time" with "Joey." It was OK when he was little, but now that he is turning 7, it seems worse. Now she is talking about getting him a new bedroom set that …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox

Dear Annie: I have a 16-year-old daughter, "Joni," who moved back into my home 18 months ago. She had been living with my sister for a while. Joni has always been stubborn, but overall, she's always been a good kid. We talk a lot. Since school started, however, I've begun to see a change in her.

Joni used to play a lot of sports, but not anymore. She recently got in trouble at school and just missed being expelled. Then, the other day, I was looking through her binder and found a letter to a friend. This is the third one I have read, and it's mostly normal teenage stuff, except she lied about her father, with whom we do not associate. She remembers him from when she was little, but hasn't spoken to him in many years.

I don't understand why she would lie about him. I don't want to ask Joni, because she will be upset that I read the letters. I know life hasn't been a bed of roses for either of us, yet she refuses to go to counseling. She resents me for the time she had to live with her aunt, and I don't blame her.

I have tried everything from buying her love, which got me nowhere but broke, to apologizing and explaining the circumstances and limited choices I had. I've also told her I can change the future, but not the past.

Joni is a smart young lady, but lacks self-esteem. I worry that if her bad attitude continues, she might get herself into a lot of trouble, especially at school, where she is out of chances. I don't know what to do. Please help. — Worried Mom in L.A.

Dear Worried: We wouldn't put much stock in what Joni says in her letters, but we urge you to stop snooping when there is nothing to justify it. If she finds out, your relationship may not recover. Joni no doubt harbors a lot of resentment that she was shunted off to her aunt, and if she is acting out, she really should be in counseling, whether she wants it or not.

If she won't see her school counselor, talk to the principal and ask that school counseling be mandated as a condition of her "almost expelled" status. Also, consider making an appointment with an outside professional for both of you.

Dear Annie: Is it appropriate to date a man who is separated? There is no hope of reconciliation with his wife, but I don't know how long a divorce will take. If not, how long after the divorce is it appropriate to begin dating him? — Just Wondering

Dear Wondering: If a couple is legally separated, dating is permissible. (It's NOT permissible if he tells you he's separated when, in fact, he is still living with his wife.) Once a couple is divorced, both spouses are absolutely fair game, no waiting period required.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from a mother who is worried about her 16-year-old daughter who is barely 4-feet-11 and looks 12 years old. Your advice was great.

I'm a petite 4-feet-11-inches myself, and it hasn't stopped me from having a successful life. I was the shortest person in my high school, but I was an honor student and active in extracurricular activities. I was the shortest gal in my college dorm, but I dated lots of intelligent, good-looking guys. I became an officer in the military, even though I was short, female and a minority. I'm now a leader in the business community.

My own 13-year-old daughter is short, but she's so darn cute and full of life that people think she's mature beyond her years. She's learned not to let it bother her. Tell the mom to let go of her own insecurities about her daughter and find ways to help her flourish. Her daughter will be just fine. — Honolulu, Hawaii

Dear Hawaii: Obviously, scaling the heights of success has nothing to do with size. Congratulations.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at



3 Comments | Post Comment
Thank God for the First Amendment; for freedom of speech and freedom of religion. A similar situation occurred prior to a council meeting, where everyone present, prayed in their own way, or to their God. A woman, who ended her prayer with, "In Jesus's Name," was told that in the future, she was not allowed to invoke the name of Jesus in prayer. There is a lot of power in that name, and it would be equally offensive and exclusive for a Muslim, Buddhist, praise Allah or whomever. I agree that the man should welcome different viewpoints and prayers, but don't call Jesus inappropriate.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Jaime Tomas
Wed May 14, 2014 1:41 PM
Your comments to "not a Christian" are about 180 degrees off from my views and I feel obligated to offer a rebuttal.

Mainly; Our right to free speech:

If you are out of step with the group you are with get in step or join a group you are compatible with.

If you feel offended by others point of view and their beliefs consider how many people may be offended by
your views and beliefs.

I admire people who show allegiance to their personal deity in public and aloud.

I am offended by those people who think only thy have the right to free speech.

Do I have the right to go into a Hip-Hop bar and demand they play only Glenn Miller music?

Walt Stafford Simi Valley CA May 14 2014
Comment: #2
Posted by: Walt Stafford
Wed May 14, 2014 3:13 PM
like many, I grieved when eppie died. But, life goes on. I had High Hope when you two took over the column, but I'm quite do your best, but just do NOT measure up. In most instances, you simply send people to web sites, which they already Knew. Please spend more time on Actual Solutions, rather than just Processing and Moving On. I did NOT expect you to take the Grande Ladie's place, but you MUST do a better Job than you are doing. as a Journalist Myself, Perhaps I'm being too critical, but I am doing it for the sake of you two Ladies. La Chiam
Comment: #3
Posted by: wyllis gordon
Mon Jun 23, 2014 4:21 PM
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