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I Get A Kickball Out Of You
My boyfriend of three months is 22, and so am I. He tells me he loves me but is horrible about returning texts and calls and following through with dates. (He seems to ditch me if something better comes along.) He also doesn't treat me very well …Read more.
Mused And Abused
After my girlfriend and I split up, I wrote a creative nonfiction piece about our breakup (changing some identifying details). I published it on a popular blog and linked to it on Facebook. We're back together, and things are great; however, she …Read more.
Baby Makes Flee
When I married five years ago, I was on the fence about having kids. I thought some parental gene might kick in, but it never did. Now, at 40, I've accepted that a childless marriage is best for us, given my wife's fertility issues and my …Read more.
Vulture Capital
This woman and I have been friends for a year. She's a free spirit of sorts with zero boundaries. In the time I've known her, she's been married and divorced and then engaged, and now that has ended. She always has another man on the side. (She did …Read more.
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Her Best Friend's WaitingMy girlfriend's best friend is her ex. They broke up six years ago (upon mutual agreement). She swears she's much happier being his friend and says they both feel they weren't meant to be romantic partners. Well, she clearly adores the hell out of him, and he's her go-to guy for her problems (family, career, and probably any issues with me). She respects my opinion, but sometimes I feel she only asks for it so I won't feel second banana to him. We've only been dating eight months, and I feel she believes what she says about their friendship, but part of me worries that she's still in love with him but not aware of it. During one of their long phone chats, if he said he wanted to be with her after all, I suspect I'd be dumped fast. — Second Best If this were a chick flick, you'd be the plot device — the guy the girl's with just so she can figure out that she should marry the other guy. (Start worrying if you roll over in bed and see a couple of prop men unplugging your lamp.) Of course it's hard for you to believe that a guy who once wanted her body now just wants her ear. Their insistence that they're just friends does run contrary to the wisdom of the noted therapist Billy Crystal, who warned in his seminal work, "When Harry Met Sally," that "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." Sure it does — mainly when they have yet to have sex with each other. But, these two have been there, done each other (and done each other and then some). Chances are, the thrill of the chase really has given way to the thrill of getting on the phone so they can cluck like two excitable hens. People commonly think love is only supposed to come in groups of two, like on the ark. But, this "two-topia" — the notion that one person will meet your every emotional, sexual, and career counseling need (while leading you in a killer ashtanga workout) — is actually an impossible ideal. The truth is, in addition to your romantic partner, you can have another deeply important person in your life — a friend-plus! — who you love more than a typical friend but who you don't love naked (or don't love naked anymore). And sure, if your girlfriend has a BFF, you'd prefer it to be somebody named Melanie, whose interests run the gamut from shoes to shoes. And yes, she could suddenly decide to "put the ex back in sex." But, six years post-breakup, it's likely her attraction is more therapeutic — having a longtime friend to lean on who's probably helped her dust all the skeletons hanging in her closets (home, office, and beyond).
Poach Class Two male friends who know I'm happily married have made a pass at me recently. One's kind of a player, so...whatever. The other I considered a very good friend (of seven years), and I find myself remarkably angry with him. Some friend. I feel like posting a blog item, "I have never been unfaithful to my husband and never will be." — Betrayed When one dog tries to hump another, it generally isn't because he finds the other dog ethically sketchy. I get that you aren't a chihuahua with computer privileges, but there's a good chance the thought process for these guys was dog-humpingly deep. I had you send me your photo, and you're gorgeous. Men make passes at women who are blindingly attractive — and not necessarily because they devalue them as friends or think they'll be quick to toss their wedding ring on another man's night table. Sometimes, impulse, dirty martinis, desperation, and seven years of a woman's hotitude just come to a head. This isn't to say you should excuse what these guys did or continue being friends with them if that's painful, but it may help to understand that the calculation here may not have involved a comprehensive risk/benefit analysis...beyond you're beautiful and they're drunk, and if they're going to be relegated to meaningless anonymous sex, they'd like it to be with you. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). Alkon is the author of "I See Rude People: One Woman's Battle To Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society." COPYRIGHT 2011 AMY ALKON DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM It's Advice Goddess Radio! Amy Alkon answers your questions on love, dating, sex, relationships, and manners. Listen live every Sunday from 7-8 p.m. Pacific time, or download the podcast at the link. The call-in number during the show is 347-326-9761. This week, Amy Alkon talks to psychotherapist Beverly Engel about pleasers. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2011/11/28/advice-goddess-radio-amy-alkon
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